BreadManGames
Really enjoyed the game so far. The artstyle is not my favorite, and more critically I think that there's some pretty bad "same-face syndrome" with the older women specifically. However, the characters are surprisingly cute beneath the mountains of boobs. Leslie and Ashley are particularly charming.
I was very surprised by the generally well written slow-burn between the MC and Leslie. They feel rational, their emotions are communicated well, and it makes for a much more engaging and sexy story. Not every character gets as much of a proper personality and story arc (Candice is probably the most dissapointing so far) but Ashley, Cassie, and Sabrina feel real enough to care about.
On Sabrina - there were two important things missing from the conflict in the library after Sabrina's failed summoning. The first is that Sabrina is aware that John just attempted to mind-whammy her, and the second is that Sabrina is refusing to work with John after she endangered his life and his mother's. Sabrina's defensive personality is fine - nothing to touch there, but the story needs a way for John to breach her walls and right now she basically does a complete 180 after he... rescues her stuffed animal. Even worse, Lilith basically gives it to him, so we're doubling down on him cheating through this situation. The development between the two characters doesn't feel earned. It's humorous and that fits in the tone of the game, but considering how abrasive she was up until this point, and the points I mentioned, I don't believe they should be buddy-buddy over a doll.
Sabrina yells at him as she runs out of the library that she doesn't need his or anybody else's help. I latched onto that when I read it; she just botched a summoning, almost got raped and killed, and loosed a group of demons onto the public. She should be confronted with this; John has a very good reason to want to know what she's doing, why she's doing it, and what she knows. He has no guarantee that she isn't going to go and summon an even bigger demon and unleash a bigger mess (and that is in fact exactly what she's planning to do.) I wanted to see John force Sabrina to realize how badly she screwed up, because that very naturally leads her into having a reason to cooperate with John, who has already made a deal with a demon and can provide insight and muscle into what she's doing.
The mind-whammy works in two directions here. For one, it does indicate that John is "legit" and might actually bring something to a partnership. On the flip side, he used it on Sabrina, or at least attempted to. This should be a bigger deal; I don't think it was really commented on after she flipped out on him at first. I don't remember exactly what he was trying to do with it, but if my memory is correct and he was trying to figure out what she was doing, then he can make the argument that he was trying to protect himself/his mother, or even that he's trying to help
her so that she doesn't go botch another summoning. He could say that it's involuntary and manifests when his emotions are running high. All of these at least have some element of the truth to them, if the goal is to protray John as at least somewhat heroic.
All in all, I think some minor dialogue edits and inserts into that scene would go a long way to make their partnership feel genuine and earned.
There is another scene that I feel more mixed about: John asks Leslie to give him a BJ/swallow after she wakes him up, and she comes to her senses and gets angry with John and with herself. She is still angry when they meet again in the evening (or the following day?) and she chastises John for wanting her to do "disgusting things" and asking why he wants to "degrade" his mother. John's response (possibly in a later conversation?) is that he's sorry, that he understands that she has boundaries and that he respects those, that he doesn't want her to do anything she doesn't want to herself, and that he understands that there are lines that they cannot cross. Leslie angrily asks if that means that he wanted her to want to do those things, to which, IIRC, he apologizes again.
I don't really like this. I have mixed feelings about John cursing himself for saying something so stupid; it fits for an extremely horny young guy to feel like the mistake was simply putting his foot in his mouth, but it still falls short of the mark for me. I definitely do not like the fact that John is basically lying in his apology to Leslie. It's true that he doesn't want to force his mother into any of this, that much is fine. But there is nothing in this story that has led me to believe that he doesn't desire and intend to go all the way with his mother. There are no lines he does not intend to cross; he has pushed and pushed with all the other women. Aunt Cassie is a perfect example; he lies at first saying that he has no sexual intentions, exploits his "illness" (curse) and powers of suggestion, and by the end of the current update, is smirking down at her while she sucks his dick. Furthermore, John knows that even if he doesn't want to cross those lines, his situation with Lilith means that his power to prevent that from happening is limited. He knows that Leslie's own boundaries are liable to corruption. One way or another, it is an empty promise.
My issue with the empty promise isn't really a moral one - this is a porn story about a guy who made a pact with a demon - but that of characterization and storty-telling. This lie isn't out of character for John persay, but there are plenty of other things he has said and done that made me feel like this course is at least not the only possible one he could have taken. I also think that it is the least interesting; is this just a pause on the current course? Is this a crude way to stretch out the will-they-won't-they phase?
John loves Leslie. He does
not like his father. He does not appreciate the way his father treats Leslie or Ashley, and he has already made a point of telling Leslie that he is frustrated that she's taken his father's criticism of her body to heart (referencing her considering getting a breast reduction.) Time and time again, John has praised Leslie's beauty and shown his desire for her sexuality. That scene with "Dr. Faust" comes to mind; John hyper-focuses on Leslie and very obviously lusts after her. So when Leslie says that she is upset that he wants her to degrade herself by doing disgusting, sexual things with him,
he should absolutely be protesting. Everything she's done for him has made him happy, their intimacy has made him love her even more and John wants her to feel the same way. Nothing about their "situation" has been degrading and disgusting to him; he doesn't see her as a terrible mother or disgusting woman for trying to help him with what she believes is a serious medical condition, nor for pleasuring him in privacy. While it would probably be stupid to say this, I think John should at least think to himself that her calling herself a disgusting slut for being intimate is his father speaking through her.
I think the scene can basically end the same way as it does in the game. There doesn't need to be some long monologue for this to work, just some protest from John that he doesn't think that she's awful for doing this for him, that he loves her even more after this intimacy, that he's sad that she has felt so guilty about doing something he was enjoying, and that regrets saying something that made her feel that way. No longer than what is currently in the game, and effectively ends the same way: with Leslie relaxing, feeling like she blew up at im, and remembering that John really has tried to be good to her.
Finally, something that isn't really critique and more just venting. Demon Deals is not an adventure story where we get to chose what John is like and where the outcomes of the story are at least implied to be the player's choice. As such, I can't really criticize it as a piece of media for this... trope... the same way I would for a VN or whatever. But I absolutely
hate when games suddenly take control away from me, hand the MC the idiot ball, and make me watch the train wreck that unfolds. John's interactions with Brenda are kind of irritating in general; there's no real reason or strategy behind his needling, she just pisses him off and he does something childish to get back at her. It is a little ridiculous to see this kind of behavior from an 18-19 year old, but I've seen people much older than that do worse than John when someone pushed their buttons. It's frustrating to me, but I wouldn't criticize it as bad writing by any means.
But holy fuck is it frustrating! He wants to - he
needs to fuck these women. John's explicit goal, as stated by the man himself, is to eventually break Brenda in and fuck her. So it's not just empty antagonism here; John does want something out of her, but after blackmailing her, he continues to mouth off and antagonize her? I don't even think it's cheap to criticize his behavior after being shown that she's recording him. Why are you blabbing about robbing and blackmailing your professor in public? Why are you talking about it at all??
Well, because he's stupid and enjoys the power over her. He has her by the (proverbial) balls and gets a kick out of making her squirm.
I just don't
want to play as a stupid MC. I don't need him to be a gigachad Sherlock that does everything right and isn't afraid of anything, but ffs take the educated woman with a massive ego and temper seriously - especially if you're trying to get her on her knees at some point.
