- Oct 26, 2017
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Will games eventually be ALL AI Art? 
I know the answer that question but I need someone to say no.
I know the answer that question but I need someone to say no.- Thread starter PassionScheme
- Start date
So... there'll be no harem? PassionScheme As I don't see harem in the tags now and nor in the planned tags
- May 6, 2022
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Decent job expositing the characters to get the player up to speed on them, but overall the writing isn't good. The tone is well-established, for better or worse, so if this is the style you're into then go off, king, you're doing it. Mixed feelings, myself.
It's not long exposition, so easily read. The worst ones are when they front-load tons and it drags on. This is snappy enough to jump into things after getting the player up to speed with basic information. Best way to do it? No. But it's not irritating and I'll take mediocre over dragging any day. The tutorial is pretty quick to handle as well. Nothing is special here, but it all goes by like a breeze and I appreciate that.
Good of you to not force the player to fuck Ari moments after encountering her. Never like having no opportunity to get a feel for a character before the lewd.
Issue there when I visited the cafe for the first time from the overworld, after I sent out Ari to it. Ignored issue and continued the scene. Then back in the overworld, back into cafe to train.
Then it was midnight, trying to go to the cafe for more training since nothing was at home
The inventory won't close by clicking outside it, making it a little confusing. The X to close it is hidden until moused over, only shown by a small red marker. Something more apparent would be preferred. Don't even hide the X, the screen is already 90% unused when the inventory is open.
"Interact" in the home requires you click the girl you want to interact with, even if there's only Ari to click, but interact at Miri's doesn't require clicking anything, you just get the menu of options for Miri. It's a subtle inconsistency... Of little consequence. Perhaps Interact while at home should default to the only girl available in the event there is only one, and only make you select the girl if there are multiple. This one feels really granular to point out, but I noticed so I may as well mention.
In Miri hangout #1: "(Good, I can her presence exiting my mind)"
Also "If she were a piece on the board it be... the Bishop." Missing comma and apostrophe+d. "If she were a piece on the board, it'd be... the Bishop." Debatable it ought to be "she'd be" not "it'd be" but the piece is theoretically a genderless object even though it represents her, a female object.
"Relax, it was just a guess, I promise" missing a period at the end. "Miri licks her lips like a hungry lioness" has the same mistake. I've probably glossed over text boxes that don't end in any punctuation already.
In Ari's affection h-scene #1 there are small mistakes I lack the attention span to mention, but one: "I forget about that..." should be "I forgot about that..."
You begin to undress without a period at the end
Yeah, now that I noticed the missing period in the Miri scene, I'm noticing it a lot. It feels tedious to mention the many instances I'm glossing over.
"Guess that's lifes way" should be "Guess that's life's way" as... You use an apostrophe with nouns to show possession, this is the way of life. Apostrophe+s for pronouns like it's/she's/he's/that's so on as a contraction with "is". I never liked that part of English when I decided to learn it. I feel like apostrophe+s should always mean the same thing, but it changes whether a noun or pronoun.
"My body just lost controll" has an erroneous extra l in control.
A lot of missing periods at the end of text boxes, unmentioned, but then: "(Damn it! I still don't feel completely back to normal. I want more from her!" is missing a closing parenthesis. That's even more visible than a missing period.
Going to the cafe is crashing the game to desktop much too frequently to bother trying anymore. If anything else happens there, I just won't know.
Miri hangout 3: "I'm the big sister full of loving mind destructing slaps!" Should be "I'm the big sister full of loving, mind-destructing slaps!"
Giving Ari a coconut or lemon or teddy bear:
That seems to be all the game has for now.
It looks like the idea you've laid out is solid enough. The writing is smooth enough but not technically good. An easy read, that is to say it doesn't feel like a chore to get through, and that's good. Tentatively, I think this will turn out well if you stick with it. The tone isn't totally my thing, but it's not tonally inconsistent, someone's going to like the style and be glad it doesn't screw it up.
It seems like it's promising good lite NTR. I hope to get closer and more romantic with the characters and have them fuck someone else. Ari losing her virginity to Rei seems in the cards, I hope.
Good luck with it. Way, way too rough and early to rate it as it is, but it might be recommendable when you flesh things out.
It's not long exposition, so easily read. The worst ones are when they front-load tons and it drags on. This is snappy enough to jump into things after getting the player up to speed with basic information. Best way to do it? No. But it's not irritating and I'll take mediocre over dragging any day. The tutorial is pretty quick to handle as well. Nothing is special here, but it all goes by like a breeze and I appreciate that.
Good of you to not force the player to fuck Ari moments after encountering her. Never like having no opportunity to get a feel for a character before the lewd.
Issue there when I visited the cafe for the first time from the overworld, after I sent out Ari to it. Ignored issue and continued the scene. Then back in the overworld, back into cafe to train.
Then it was midnight, trying to go to the cafe for more training since nothing was at home
Game crashed entirely, force-closed. Tried again, worked fine. Don't know what that's about. Next day, small talk with Ari, send out, then I go to the overworld and head to the cafe, the same crash occurs. Load to midnight the previous day, crashes the game to desktop again. Try again, crash. Same log. Don't know why it worked one time.
The inventory won't close by clicking outside it, making it a little confusing. The X to close it is hidden until moused over, only shown by a small red marker. Something more apparent would be preferred. Don't even hide the X, the screen is already 90% unused when the inventory is open.
"Interact" in the home requires you click the girl you want to interact with, even if there's only Ari to click, but interact at Miri's doesn't require clicking anything, you just get the menu of options for Miri. It's a subtle inconsistency... Of little consequence. Perhaps Interact while at home should default to the only girl available in the event there is only one, and only make you select the girl if there are multiple. This one feels really granular to point out, but I noticed so I may as well mention.
In Miri hangout #1: "(Good, I can her presence exiting my mind)"
Also "If she were a piece on the board it be... the Bishop." Missing comma and apostrophe+d. "If she were a piece on the board, it'd be... the Bishop." Debatable it ought to be "she'd be" not "it'd be" but the piece is theoretically a genderless object even though it represents her, a female object.
"Relax, it was just a guess, I promise" missing a period at the end. "Miri licks her lips like a hungry lioness" has the same mistake. I've probably glossed over text boxes that don't end in any punctuation already.
In Ari's affection h-scene #1 there are small mistakes I lack the attention span to mention, but one: "I forget about that..." should be "I forgot about that..."
You begin to undress without a period at the end
Yeah, now that I noticed the missing period in the Miri scene, I'm noticing it a lot. It feels tedious to mention the many instances I'm glossing over.
"Guess that's lifes way" should be "Guess that's life's way" as... You use an apostrophe with nouns to show possession, this is the way of life. Apostrophe+s for pronouns like it's/she's/he's/that's so on as a contraction with "is". I never liked that part of English when I decided to learn it. I feel like apostrophe+s should always mean the same thing, but it changes whether a noun or pronoun.
"My body just lost controll" has an erroneous extra l in control.
A lot of missing periods at the end of text boxes, unmentioned, but then: "(Damn it! I still don't feel completely back to normal. I want more from her!" is missing a closing parenthesis. That's even more visible than a missing period.
Going to the cafe is crashing the game to desktop much too frequently to bother trying anymore. If anything else happens there, I just won't know.
Miri hangout 3: "I'm the big sister full of loving mind destructing slaps!" Should be "I'm the big sister full of loving, mind-destructing slaps!"
Giving Ari a coconut or lemon or teddy bear:
That seems to be all the game has for now.
It looks like the idea you've laid out is solid enough. The writing is smooth enough but not technically good. An easy read, that is to say it doesn't feel like a chore to get through, and that's good. Tentatively, I think this will turn out well if you stick with it. The tone isn't totally my thing, but it's not tonally inconsistent, someone's going to like the style and be glad it doesn't screw it up.
It seems like it's promising good lite NTR. I hope to get closer and more romantic with the characters and have them fuck someone else. Ari losing her virginity to Rei seems in the cards, I hope.
Good luck with it. Way, way too rough and early to rate it as it is, but it might be recommendable when you flesh things out.
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- Dec 13, 2022
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Harem and NTR are 2 tags I've noticed people don't like together, so for now; the player will not be able to get into any exclusive relationships with more than one girl without consequence.
I'm not saying there won't be a chance for harem building in the future. It's just far, far off.
- Dec 13, 2022
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Thank you for the feedback. I took a screenshot of your comment and will apply these fixes in the next update.
I myself write the scenes and such in free mode, so I'll work on that.
I believe there is some content you missed, which I believe is the Main Story- Night of Glory.
Here is a link to the event guide. I'd like to hear your opinion on the stuff the original creator wrote.
You must be registered to see the links
The game no matter what can't find the bar label. So i can't enter the bar. You should probably explain how to send people out. As everytime something was done through the menu, a menu item popped up. I was unaware that i had to click on a character to make that happen. I cannot trigger the NTR deal either as ending the day at midnight does not do it even after going back and letting the guy come to the couch.
The NTR event happened after enough time. Sending ari out might also be a requirement?
The NTR event happened after enough time. Sending ari out might also be a requirement?
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- Dec 13, 2022
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The bar isn't yet accessible by the player, but you're right; it shouldn't give an error.
I'll have the fix in the next update.
As for the NTR scene, it should trigger after ending the day early.
- Sep 29, 2017
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Oddly, when I gave it another try, it wasn't crashing anymore. It is a mystery. But hopefully you notice the error and it gets fixed, whatever it is.
I missed a few things, actually
After gathering some notes, I visited Miri and got an event.
"I just it'd be faster if I put a little leg work in" is missing something. Probably "I just thought it'd be faster" or it might have been "It's just it'd be faster" but the first correction would be better than the alternative.
"sexual harrasment is very serious suit" should be "sexual harassment is a very serious suit"
"I feel bad for the poor girls so we should" should "I feel bad for the poor girls, so we should"
Oh, Palla is unlocked. Fabulous.
In Palla hangout 1: "she doesn't allow her emotions to comprise her composer." the last word three words should probably be compromise her composure instead of comprise her composer.
"Heh, That's something" shouldn't capitalize "that's" since it isn't the start of the sentence.
Palla hangout 2 is the same scene again?? Either there's only one scene or you have both scenes accidentally pointing the same thing.
Night scene after getting palla, introduced to the arch rival. "(Wanted in over 12 sphears for Break-ins, Grand Theft, Assuault on governing officials..." is a number of issues. Is "sphears" their specific made-up term for regions or is it supposed to be "spheres"? The crimes should be lower-case. assault is misspelled. You forgot the closing parenthesis.
"(To me, she's a challenge, a tactically intellectual rival that's always pushing me)." should have the period inside the parenthesis instead of outside. This isn't always the case, depending on context, but this is not a parenthetical inside of a larger sentence so the period definitely goes on the inside.
"I was tasked by a 'certain' high ranking official to capture her; dead or alive." "certain" already is an implying term to use, the apostrophes/single-quotes around it is unnecessary, though not explicitly wrong if you really want it. However, "; dead or alive" is wrong, as you use a semi-colon only to separate independent clauses. "dead or alive" is not an independent clause. It should be "capture here — dead or alive" or use a comma, but I think an em-dash gets the tone better. Don't use a hyphen - as that's a different symbol. Em-dash is longer — it serves a similar role as commas and parentheses in separating a clause from the rest of the sentence. A hyphen- serves to join two words together like desctructo-disc or counter-terrorism.
"she has also deliberatly" should be "she has also deliberately"
Not personally a fan of voice acting in "The Queen of Dangerous" and also the voiced line does not match the text.
"Her Body... Her Soul" erroneous extra capitalization unless Body and Soul are specific terms/titles("proper" nouns) in the setting, but I doubt it and assume it's more typical use of body and soul like in real life.
I'm feeling like it'd be a good detail to change the color of the name field depending on who is speaking.
"Anyway, Haven't you" should not capitalize "haven't" as it is not the start of a sentence.
" Idiot..." has an erroneous empty space before the start of the word. Also "... as if I'd lower myself" should be "As if I'd lower myself" because "idiot" isn't technically part of the sentence. It's like an imperative, akin to "Idiot! As if" or "Wow! Fuck off." You keep the lower case if you put ellipsis in the middle of a sentence, not at the start or end of one. Other example like:
The difference can be subtle and... I'll say I'm not enough of an English expert to nitpick about it again. I could mess it up, myself. If you were paying me to be your editor, I'd capitalize As there, but I'd probably check some stuff before telling you to do it.
"how exactly would a thief known for her 'Solo' work, carry out" should lowercase "solo" and remove the comma.
" I mean, last week" has an erroneous empty space at the start.
"Hmph, Guess we'll" shouldn't capitalize Guess since that's not the start of the sentence.
"After meeting the state requirements, Try Selecting one" shouldn't capitalize Try Selecting.
Error when giving Palla a bear:
in Night of Glory
"few days back, Didn't see him around" shouldn't capitalize Didn't
"Try to make it before Midnight." On the one hand, it's wrong to capitalize midnight, but on the other hand, that is a specific step in the time cycle, so it's sort of correct when referring to the mechanical step. Do what you want, I suppose.
I can't view text history in this, making it easy to accidentally miss parts. There is a way to make it impossible to rollback through choices but otherwise allow it for text in between choices. That way, the player can't change what they do, but they can re-read stuff.
"Ari suddenly out speaks from behind you." I suppose you want to write "speaks out" instead of "out speaks"
"For reasons I'm unsure of, She really" shouldn't capitalize She
"is that why you ran off" should capitalize Is.
"Hey ...Do" should be "Hey... Do"
"head to the Main building." No reason to capitalize Main unless the building's actual title is Main. Owned by Main Inc. Down on Main Ave. A building you can get in a taxi and say "Hey, take me to Main" and they'd know where to go.
"next time I see the Superior" wrong unless Superior is a real title, not just a general way to refer to a superior rank.
"you may find extra items, stat bonuses and extra scenes" should have a comma after stat bonuses. It's called the oxford comma, you need it when listing things in a sentence like that. (It's just a normal comma, but using it in that way has its own special name. Grammar is silly.)
"every action or in-action" should be inaction. In-action means to take place within an action, inaction means to not take an action.
"detour to the Warehouse's harbor" what is it that makes Warehouse a proper title and not just a normal warehouse? Is it a specific warehouse people in the area call the Warehouse? My town had one like that. Kids were always playing on the milk crates there.
"As you make your back out" probably should be "As you make your way back out"
"Now, they have no one but themselves" doesn't need that comma there.
"they lash out and destruct" should probably be "they lash out and destroy"
"I could care less" means he does care, just to mention. The original phrase is "I couldn't care less" to express that you don't care.
"Numina, Mortals, everything" shouldn't capitalize mortals unless the source material does. (Fiction can have reasons to use Mortal as a proper noun, but usually it's just a normal noun.)
"thought this world could change, That I, could change it... }" "That" shouldn't be capitalized and you put a curly bracer } instead of a closing parenthesis )
"My Destiny is that" at this point you get why it could be capitalized and why it otherwise shouldn't be, depending on if Destiny means something more than it does in real life.
"... of eternal solitude, So that is" you probably want a period instead of a comma. Either that, or lowercase "so"
I glossed past it but I think I saw "couldn;t" where it's supposed to be "couldn't"
Really, every time Main building is mentioned, capitalized, huh. You get points for consistency. By now I assume it really is known as Main building in this city in general. Which, I mean, yeah, it can be. Places called Main building exist.
"You both arrive at the Main building entrance..." Strangely, " there's a quotation mark inside this text box
I keep accidentally skipping a line and can't bring up a log or roll back, it's pretty annoying.
"Smiling, You spit" lowercase the You
"Ark Archel, You" lowercase the You
Amused by the player-character saying "Oh no, I'm not that guy, that guy's a cuck" about himself. I hope he's a cuck.
"Long Hair, Dresses like" lowercase Hair and Dresses
"Your mother"
View attachment star trek your mother.mp4
I am liking this writing the more I read it. It is garbage, I adore it.
"Not wrong about that, But it" lowercase the But.
""Would you like these clones to use Susano'o too?" is missing a closing quotation mark. Also no idea the reference so I don't know if Susano'o is a thing or was meant to be Susano's
"Red laughs practically turn into howls." should be Red's laughs.
"Even his two henchmen" is soooort of correct as they're henchmen of the young man, but following in the same breath as Red laughing is changing the subject in a technically unclear way. More proper would be "Even the rogue's two henchmen"
"Good gods, Man!" His name is Man?
"But We've actually" lowercase the We've
"the new Throne keeper." Is it just someone who keeps the Throne, or is it supposed to be a full title "Throne Keeper"? The distinction changes what should be capitalized. I assume a Throne in this setting is a special thing and not just generically a throne/seat/indirect sense of holding power.
"(That... Butler looking dork)" should lowercase and hyphenate butler-looking and add a period after dork.
"Word on the streert"
"Here's the deal: Give up your right to that throne" should be lowercase "give" and also "the throne" probably (depending on the source material). You know, like how brits say the queen and the king about the monarchy and not call them a king. Depends on context.
"Sure, Sure, you got it" lowercase the second Sure.
"if you've really lost the Will" is Will a—oh you answer that right after. That's good, I like not wondering if something is a mistake or a special fictional thing.
"I must say boys, You've covered" should be "I must say, boys, you've covered"
"going on a Late-night spending" lowercase Late.
"Oh, You are just" lowercase You
"And all it's... benefits." should be its because it's a pronoun showing possession. "it's" is "it is." "Its" would mean the "benefits of it".
"No Honor, No code, No lines" lowecase all of that besides the first No
"(it's like a sick marriage)" capitalize It's
"Were you really thinking of sparring me!?" Untie me and I'll happily spar this guy, but I think you meant "sparing"
I feel like "Bound" and "Contract" shouldn't be capitalized but I don't know the source material.
"a promise with their contractee and the Contractee would swear" well that's definitely wrong. Either it is capitalized or it isn't, it's not both. Not like this.
"(of course most" should be "(Of course, most" and also I've mentioned missing capitals and things that should be lowercase so much I'm starting to skip over some. You missed a quotation mark in the contract with Ethan too.
"Well, Whatever..." lowercase...
>Choice
"Open Your Eye' s" No apostrophe.
"I put a blank in the clip, you passed out from shock" but like you fire a blank directly into someone's forehead you will actually literally hurt them, I think someone passing out from that might not be shock. Some shock involved. You can kill someone with point-blank... blanks. But the skull is pretty damn hard, so probably not a kill when it's to the forehead. Still, they'll be bleeding from a burn wound that will leave a bad scar.
Capitalization, little stuff here and there
"from women. You see... and we like to take our time" I think it should probably be "from women, you see... And we like to take our time."
"Bareing yourself" baring yourself. Different from barring yourself, to be clear.
I load a save to go back and choose the Sleep instead of opening my eyes, and somehow he still wakes up saying he fucked her and is a stud. How does he know? He shouldn't have any memory of that.
And damn, Red stole my virginity
What a fucking bitch. I can't get that back! I was saving that for Ari after Rei loosens her up. Red, you ruined everything and for that I'm going to have to sleep with everyone in the game just to spite you.
And now finally, the scene that I've been waiting for: Sleeping early so I dream of NTR between Ari and Rei
"that off-chance they get get along" extra get
"But you quickly dismiss scoff at the idea." Do you dismiss the idea or scoff at it? Pick one
"Ari and Rei, Hitting it off?" no comma and lowercase hitting.
"You Awaken in a daze"
"open your bedroom door and See"
"you can but get turned on" should be "you can't help but get turned on"
"this new side to her." new side of her
"Rei continues to lick and suck at her breast" on her breasts. And probably nipple rather than breast.
"but what's confusing you even more." I think you mean to put "more..." rather than a single period, as it leads into the next line.
"move your hand dwon"
"The alarm's blare Awakens you" huh, ha, capitalizing awaken again. Weird.
THE MOUTHSOUNDS AREN'T STOPPING. I am plagued.
Second scene, I'm so disappointed in Rei's underwhelming dick. I pity Ari, even if it is a dream. And Ark dreaming that he's already fucked her. I hope it's all his copium. My pure love for Ari doesn't include something as vulgar as taking her virginity, no, that's for someone else to do. I just watch.
"Tch... selfish Bastards"
"Ark, fits... better." No comma.
At least the plapping ended the mouthsounds.
The event list says there are three, but it just repeats the second one. Continuously. There is no third scene and it does not stop happening.
There's also no functionality in the gallery in the room. From the main menu, the gallery works, but doesn't have the NTR scenes.
Anyway... That's nearly everything. I don't feel like getting the cosplay stuff.
I don't understand. You want me to read the manga you based this on?
- Dec 13, 2022
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Thank you, I'll make the necessary corrections and add them to the game.
Will, Throne Keeper, and Superior are the only words I meant to capitalized on purpose, as they are the power system and official titles.
The gallery isn't fully functional yet, as some scenes break events when replayed. So, that's still a work in progress.
Red taking the Player's virginity is not optional. She likes to take other people's things. That's her thing.
The reason it isn't optional is that it will make Red possessive of the player, which will cause friction between the other love interests and segue into (NTR situations) if the player does pursue too many women
the option just skips the H-scene, not the actual event.
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- Apr 29, 2019
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I don't want her as my first, but I like her insisting I can't fool around with other women, it makes me want to fool around with other women. Plays well into my psychology as an NTR player. Possessive girlfriend-not-girlfriend to cheat-not-cheat on. Admittedly, it's better when the relationship is more official, but it's endearing of her to take ownership while unwilling to commit too. Still, I'm hoping Ari isn't forced on the player before her NTR. I want her to be my girlfriend but let someone else take her virginity. Feels more exciting in a finality kind of way since you only get your 'first time' once. I don't want to have sex with her until someone else does it first. And I can imagine several ways that could happen too.
I suggest renaming it to just Skip H-Scene rather than calling it sleep, because Ark won't actually sleep through it.
You also didn't answer my question about what you meant with "what the original creator wrote"
- Dec 13, 2022
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Oh, no. I prefer the source material to be completely separate. I was asking your opinion of "Night of Glory's" story in general as I tried to adapt it as best as I could from the storyline the OC gave to me.
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Aside from needing a couple rounds of proofreading to clean up, the story is mostly executed well. It's not too long, it doesn't overload on exposition, doesn't leave the player in the dark too much either. It characterized Red well, most importantly, as it seems primarily like its point in the plot is to characterize Red, with the underlying plot secondary but still being involved.
Structurally, I think it's good.
Not the biggest fan of the dialog and minutia of it. But I'm paying attention and awaiting what comes next, so what you're doing is evidently working.
I look forward to the next update. I feel optimistic