It feels a bit mean to rate it two stars, because I think the character design and concept is pretty cute.
People ofc expect different things out of eroge but I really think a VN has to decide if it's going to rely on narrative depth or its porn elements, Femboy Propaganda feels very undecided in that regard. It has a meme title and throws a dick in your face 10min in, but it clearly also wants to take itself a bit more seriously than say, Trap Shrine. Spoiler for content.
Seeing as Femboy Propaganda has aspirations to be literature it also feels fair to critique the writing quality. It's... okay-ish? Obviously most writing in the eroge genre is piss poor and PepperJak clearly has put some thought into it. Still, there's a few issues here that's pretty common amongst people getting into writing (myself included) that one has to keep working on between drafts. First, and a very common issue in any style, is a kind of hurry in the textual flow. There's no need to rush to the point in every scene, let tension actually be built before progressing. On a larger narrative scale this means characters shouldn't start explaining they're abused as the first thing that comes out of their mouth. Take a breather and go for a walk before looking at your drafts. Have some confidence that your reader will be pulled in and stay with you.
Second, one need to starting thinking about the use of simile and metaphors. It's not simply sprinkling cool-sounding phrases, especially if it jars with the otherwise vernacular English. Returning to the point above, if one wants to write literature then text is not meant to take you as quickly as possible to the next "cool scene". It's a question of prose, and prose needs to have a consistent quality and unity (or, intentional and thoughtful lack thereof). I don't think there's better tips for improving this than simply trying to get a intuitive feel for it. I'd recommend Moby Dick especially for the use of simile, there's a reason why it's considered maybe the best work of English literature.
People ofc expect different things out of eroge but I really think a VN has to decide if it's going to rely on narrative depth or its porn elements, Femboy Propaganda feels very undecided in that regard. It has a meme title and throws a dick in your face 10min in, but it clearly also wants to take itself a bit more seriously than say, Trap Shrine. Spoiler for content.
You don't have permission to view the spoiler content.
Log in or register now.
Seeing as Femboy Propaganda has aspirations to be literature it also feels fair to critique the writing quality. It's... okay-ish? Obviously most writing in the eroge genre is piss poor and PepperJak clearly has put some thought into it. Still, there's a few issues here that's pretty common amongst people getting into writing (myself included) that one has to keep working on between drafts. First, and a very common issue in any style, is a kind of hurry in the textual flow. There's no need to rush to the point in every scene, let tension actually be built before progressing. On a larger narrative scale this means characters shouldn't start explaining they're abused as the first thing that comes out of their mouth. Take a breather and go for a walk before looking at your drafts. Have some confidence that your reader will be pulled in and stay with you.
Second, one need to starting thinking about the use of simile and metaphors. It's not simply sprinkling cool-sounding phrases, especially if it jars with the otherwise vernacular English. Returning to the point above, if one wants to write literature then text is not meant to take you as quickly as possible to the next "cool scene". It's a question of prose, and prose needs to have a consistent quality and unity (or, intentional and thoughtful lack thereof). I don't think there's better tips for improving this than simply trying to get a intuitive feel for it. I'd recommend Moby Dick especially for the use of simile, there's a reason why it's considered maybe the best work of English literature.