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VN Ren'Py Fog of War [Ep. 5.5] [Story Machine Studios]

3.90 star(s) 24 Votes
Discussion Reviews (24)
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battali0n

Active Member
Oct 30, 2021
938
1,854
Excellent writing. I am hungry for a wholesome story with real characters and this definitely fits the bill. I think everything is well done and I like the variety of Li's and they are all beautiful.
There is only one thing that threw me off and that was the sex scenes. Your are building romance with the girls. Please put that same romance in the sex scenes as well. They will then have emotional impact as well instead of just being porn. The first one with the girlfriend could have accomplished that very well but it left me wondering why it was even there it was so cold and lifeless.
The second one was a dream so I can understand it being more about just sex but again why was it even there. What was in supposed to accomplish? Is there a piece of the story we are missing? I don't recall meeting her or her name being mentioned. I personally dislike dream sex sequences. They usually they get thrown in because the creator wants to put in sexual content but the plot doesn't call for it yet. Given your reluctance to create sex scenes I am really puzzled by it. I really hope future sex scenes will be different because you write the other scenes so well.
Other than that I think you are doing fantastic and I am eagerly awaiting the next update.
 
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hampsure

Member
Dec 4, 2021
233
466
I feel like it's too way to early in development to rate, but wanted to leave some feedback. Keep in mind that based on what I read here so far I went into this thinking the that the game's strong suit was realistic characters and realistic situations so I was very focused on those aspects.

My issues so far:

1. The pacing: The prologue felt more drawn out than necessary for background setup while it simultaneously didn't focus on any specific aspect long enough to get the player engaged. Chapter 1 then felt like a speed run of the what was apparently the first week of med school (sure didn't seem like a week) during which you get introduced to the various other characters. Towards the end of the chapter there's a point at which the MC is reflecting on how he has barely known the others for a week and yet it feels like so much longer. That's great for him I guess, but I was feeling the exact opposite which is an issue in an of itself.

A lot of the included montages should be fleshed out into written scenes. There's a time an place for a montage but most of the ones used in the game so far could have just been replaced with "and then they had a good time." Let the player in on it to have something to connect to.

Also, the lack of any sort of transitions and sudden switches from one scene to the next gave me whiplash.

2. The dialogue/writing/characters: A lot of it is just a combination of pop culture references and raw cringe (which sums up Kendra now that I think about it). People don't talk or act remotely like most of the characters in this game. The MC seems like one of the only ones with a semi-normal disposition and speech habits (despite being a bit of a demi-god) and not even he was immune to speaking in completely unnatural ways at certain points. The characters themselves are either a walking cliche or a list of unrealistic attributes. Let's take what we know about Kendra so far as an example:

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She's pretty much something you'd only find in anime or a AVN and she's a bit beyond the pale even for that IMO. It felt like being assaulted by a bunch of things that are supposed to appeal to me rather than letting her seem like an actual person to get to know. Slow down with letting us get to know stuff about the characters and there's no need to have everyone seem so incredible or over the top. Most of us do have a bit of an attention span and appreciate characters that we have time to determine are special over the ones that we are immediately force fed all the ways in which they're supposed to be special (modern media tends not to get this in general).

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Also, if you want to not have the game filled with AVN tropes then Cassius either needs to be re-written or excluded.

3. "Real world situations": Mission failed, soldier. This is what I went into the game expecting from what the author had stated and so I couldn't help but constantly be thinking about how it seemed to be the opposite so much of the time. Let me walk through just one of these real world scenarios.

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Please note that I'm fine with fiction not being realistic (and tropes exist for a reason) so if the author wants to change that focus, more power to him. Let's just not pretend this is something it isn't.

Okay, onto the positives:

1. Visuals: Renders and models look decent enough for the most part. Animation isn't great but isn't awful.
2. There are parts to the story that do hold a lot of potential. The MC struggling with his past and his incredible memory making things harder to move past really resonates with me (would have liked to have seen this show up more in his interactions in Chapter 1 but hopefully it's something that's at least planned). The parts of the story involving the military intrigue could be really interesting... the few tidbits of that are the only thing I really enjoyed thus far.
3. Sylvia makes faces that encapsulate how a lot of the dialogue makes me feel:
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Apologies if any of this seems overly harsh. My intent was to try to provide critical feedback here but I also did a bit of ranting. I'm hoping something constructive can be gleaned. Style can't be improved if the author only gets praise.
 
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hampsure

Member
Dec 4, 2021
233
466
battali0n said:
I don't recall meeting her or her name being mentioned
Click to expand...
Pretty sure she's the girl that was stripper when he was undercover at the strip club that gave him a heads up that he was made. I don't think her name was mentioned. She seemed like she might be an operative herself (I'm just speculating), but not the one with the short hair we've seen a couple times. No idea if it was meant to be foreshadowing or we actually just never see her again. I agree the sex dream seemed disconnected from everything else but on the other hand the end of it was one of the very few rare moments that we see the MC actually having the past haunt him which there should likely be a heavier emphasis on.
 
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Old Man Al

Old Man Al

Well-Known Member
Jan 18, 2022
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Hello everyone!

Crunch time in here!
We are approaching the polishing stage. This week I will be starting animations as well. There are around 250 renders left. Most of them are alternate path renders. I have cleaned up the more formal dialog in the prologue and chapter one. The music overhaul is done for now so whenever you go back to replay you will notice a change there.

In regards to animations. Animations are very arduous to make and take a long time to render. Next release will be a little slower as I plan on adding more animations. Hopefully this release sees some success and I can throw some more money on the rig to make it brrrrrrrrrrrrrrttttt like an A-10. I try to make FoW a cinematic experience, more animations will definitely help in that regard.
Release will be later in April. I'll have a more concrete date when I can confirm what days I can take off of work.

I would like to touch on something else. There are some renders I do not compress much. Typically some of the darker ones because it really kills the quality of the render so the compression is much smaller to maintain the quality. So you may a little higher size in download size.

Need to get back at it!
Love
-Meatshield
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burbero

burbero

Member
Jun 18, 2022
388
557
god this is taking a long time to leak.
and it's very sad not to be able to buy it. If you live in a free country in the West, appreciate it.
 
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Puma1978

Puma1978

Well-Known Member
Feb 25, 2022
1,574
1,945
Dev isreally doing a great job with this game. Great renders and scenes as well as good story and characters.
I think he deserves more attention.
 
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SonsOfLiberty

SonsOfLiberty

Discussion Dynamo
Compressor
Sep 3, 2022
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202,852
Fog Of War [Ep. 2] [Story Machine Studios]

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3.90 star(s) 24 Votes