Story's got good bones, i like it. MC is very proactive character- which is a big plus. It's actually kind of rare, to see how purely offensive she is (in both paths). Most ren'py games, the women either throw their pussies at you, or they put said pussy behind an RPG quest line (fight 5 wolves in order to ride this train). It's a very reactive approach, and it really doesn't show the MCs personality a whole lot
Take this with a grain of salt though
Not a fan of the long instance of black screens during the narration bits. I can understand if it was 3 clicks/sentences, but you got some sizable paragraphs in here. It's kind of dull and makes you think MC is just sitting in a black void till the next scene. If you can go back to those parts and just put a picture (idk just a single pic of her changing would suffice or her walking down the street), that'd be greeeeat.
Take this with a grain of salt though
Not a fan of the long instance of black screens during the narration bits. I can understand if it was 3 clicks/sentences, but you got some sizable paragraphs in here. It's kind of dull and makes you think MC is just sitting in a black void till the next scene. If you can go back to those parts and just put a picture (idk just a single pic of her changing would suffice or her walking down the street), that'd be greeeeat.