Give me feedback on my game idea.

[fyl3toys]

I wont say that it's illogical because it isn't, but I happen to agree with Anne for the most part.

Basically what it boils down to is your logline looks like this:
Man kills himself and ends up in purgatory with amnesia only to be confronted by a mysterious girl that makes up games for him to restore his memory so he can ascend.

As the author of such a story you should be able to answer every 'why' question that pops up as a result of this logline. It should form the foundation of your story, and influence every scene going forward.
That being said you don't need to prove to us that you have the answers, but with Anne's questions I think you should understand that when it comes to a story you are writing someone else experiencing your story is going to naturally have questions. If you don't have the answers it's quite possible they will leave unsatisfied. Our minds naturally want to fill in some gaps, but when it comes to the foundation there shouldn't be any gaps whatsoever.

Meaning Less is right though. There just isn't enough here beyond a premise to actually evaluate and give a constructive crit. I'd say put in some real work on your script and see where it takes you. If the story makes sense when you are done then by all means show a few people some of it and get their opinions. Right now we really can only give you our opinions about the setting. Whether it's something we'd be interested in or not. Purgatory isn't my thing....dreams in general aren't my thing, but I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who dig them. Answering anything more I think would require a lot more information...

 

[OsamiWorks]

If you don't just want to know what comes after, add to that the fact that you are forever trapped in a world with nothing.
“Eternity can be a curse. It hasn't been easy for your, living without time. The losses you have had to suffer. A man can run out of things to live for. Lose his purpose. Become a ronin. A samurai without a master. I can end your eternity. Make you mortal.”

*tips fedora
"I studied the blade for years, loneliness my anvil, rage my fuel."

 

[TAIACAG]

I wont say that it's illogical because it isn't, but I happen to agree with Anne for the most part.

Basically what it boils down to is your logline looks like this:
Man kills himself and ends up in purgatory with amnesia only to be confronted by a mysterious girl that makes up games for him to restore his memory so he can ascend.

As the author of such a story you should be able to answer every 'why' question that pops up as a result of this logline. It should form the foundation of your story, and influence every scene going forward.
That being said you don't need to prove to us that you have the answers, but with Anne's questions I think you should understand that when it comes to a story you are writing someone else experiencing your story is going to naturally have questions. If you don't have the answers it's quite possible they will leave unsatisfied. Our minds naturally want to fill in some gaps, but when it comes to the foundation there shouldn't be any gaps whatsoever.

Meaning Less is right though. There just isn't enough here beyond a premise to actually evaluate and give a constructive crit. I'd say put in some real work on your script and see where it takes you. If the story makes sense when you are done then by all means show a few people some of it and get their opinions. Right now we really can only give you our opinions about the setting. Whether it's something we'd be interested in or not. Purgatory isn't my thing....dreams in general aren't my thing, but I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who dig them. Answering anything more I think would require a lot more information...

But anyways, what are you even trying to say? This is some very general stuff.