I have a lot of positive things to say about this game and only one negative. You are a great writer. Your characters are believable. They talk like real people. Hana is cute without being over the top. Mei is a hilarious ball of mischief. Having a female character corrupting the main character is funny and refreshing. I'm a huge fan of how the men are super polite, but also horny as shit. Men actually respecting boundaries is a welcome change. Hana may be naive but she remains the main character. No one is forcing her to do anything or being too pushy. well...maybe Mei
But it comes off like she just sees the budding exhabitionist waiting to come out and wants to help Hana see it too. She sticks up for her when things go too far. The art style fits really well. Simple overall but detailed for the important bits. It really helps me get sucked into the game. Navigating around I didn't get lost or confused once. I could work out what I needed to do, and being curious about how the next shift at the bar or the inn was going to turn out kept me engaged.That's rare for me and a sign of good game design.
Okay, here comes the negative thing, Make of it what you will. Y'all need some synonyms for "embarrasing". There's so many other ways to say it. "This is awkward", "I feel so self conscious", "my cheeks are burning". "I wish the ground would swallow me right now. Words lose power with repetition and not everything that's happening to her is equally embarrasing. Some things are mortifying or humiliating. Some things are just *face palm*. It's a super common in this genre of writing though, you really are great at it over all. To be honest I wish I could write dialogue half as well as you. Big fan of the humour too. One more idea if you want to minimize how often you reach for the thesaurus though - most of the time it's actually better to show rather than tell. You've done a great job of making Hana look approrpiately embarrassed. She doesn't understand her own body yet, so some guy staring at her butt is clearly going to make her embarrassed. Trust that your players are gonna work out through context she's embarrassed from the way she's acting and how nervous she is.
Can't wait to see where you take the story next. I'll be watching for the next update!
Okay, here comes the negative thing, Make of it what you will. Y'all need some synonyms for "embarrasing". There's so many other ways to say it. "This is awkward", "I feel so self conscious", "my cheeks are burning". "I wish the ground would swallow me right now. Words lose power with repetition and not everything that's happening to her is equally embarrasing. Some things are mortifying or humiliating. Some things are just *face palm*. It's a super common in this genre of writing though, you really are great at it over all. To be honest I wish I could write dialogue half as well as you. Big fan of the humour too. One more idea if you want to minimize how often you reach for the thesaurus though - most of the time it's actually better to show rather than tell. You've done a great job of making Hana look approrpiately embarrassed. She doesn't understand her own body yet, so some guy staring at her butt is clearly going to make her embarrassed. Trust that your players are gonna work out through context she's embarrassed from the way she's acting and how nervous she is.
Can't wait to see where you take the story next. I'll be watching for the next update!