Mod Ren'Py Completed Heart Problems [Any Version] [Xenorav] [English] Chapter 1 Re-Write / Dialogue improvement

[Chinwiskers]

Heart Problems [Any Version] [English] Chapter 1 Re-Write Inc. Mom & Sister viability / Overall Dialogue improvement
Overview:​

Pretty much what it says on the tin! This 'mod' is currently a complete re-write of Chapter 1 which focuses on adjusting the dialogue and narrative to allow Amelie & her daughters to be addressed as Mom / Sister without creating strange inconsistencies.
As well as improving the quality of English used in the dialogue, with much more fleshed out interactions and conversations with the characters in general.

Although the narrative still fairly closely follows the events of the original (due to the imagery being used in the game that I cannot replace or change) it isn't just a correcting of typo's and spelling mistakes.

Insofar as I can manage it, this re-write should feel like a fresh and new experience of the game, though I'll leave it to the community to be the judge of whether or not it is a worthwhile one =)


Updated:09/10/2023
Game: Heart Problems Click for Game
Creator/Developer: Xenorav

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Modder: Person_With_Pencil
Mod Version: Chapter 1 (so far)
Game Version: ANY (This mod is a scrypt.rpy file, it should work with any version of the main game)
Language: ENGLISH Only (Unless someone wishes to translate)

Features:

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Installation:

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Change-Log:

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Writer's Notes:

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Download: View attachment game.zip

DISCLAIMER ABOUT SCREENSHOT EXAMPLES:

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Screenshots:




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[mdmnsjs1]

put it in the game and got an error ill wait thanks for trying

 

[Person_With_Pencil]

put it in the game and got an error ill wait thanks for trying

Ok i just tested this and it may be that you have 2 script.rpy files in the Heart Problems folder.

If the error message looks anything like this:

Spoiler: ERROR MESSAGE

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Check the folder named 'game' in your Heart Problems installation folder and see if there is another folder named 'game' inside of it. If there is, you need to copy and paste the contents from there into the original 'game' folder thus overwriting the script files.

Hope this helped! If not feel free to give more details! Thanks for the feedback!

 

[mdmnsjs1]

Ok i just tested this and it may be that you have 2 script.rpy files in the Heart Problems folder.

If the error message looks anything like this:

Spoiler: ERROR MESSAGE

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Check the folder named 'game' in your Heart Problems installation folder and see if there is another folder named 'game' inside of it. If there is, you need to copy and paste the contents from there into the original 'game' folder thus overwriting the script files.

Hope this helped! If not feel free to give more details! Thanks for the feedback!

thanks ill try it again

 

[Raysback12]

Just looking at the screenshots, some of these lines feel pretty stilted... both "stealing oxygen and turning it into bad breath" and "painting the floor with my precious breakfast items" feel so far outside of the norm for conversational English. I don't think I've ever seen the words "precious breakfast items" together ever. With that said I wish you good luck on this project!

 

[Person_With_Pencil]

Just looking at the screenshots, some of these lines feel pretty stilted... both "stealing oxygen and turning it into bad breath" and "painting the floor with my precious breakfast items" feel so far outside of the norm for conversational English. I don't think I've ever seen the words "precious breakfast items" together ever. With that said I wish you good luck on this project!

Yeah the screenshots I kind of worried over because they are ofc taken completely out of context and will sometimes look very strange without the necessary lines of dialogue that lead up to that point.

As for the particular lines that I chose, I think it's more me trying to inject a bit more humour in there, and also I'm British (English) so it's also probably some of that coming through as well. It's something I'll try to be more aware of as I work on the next chapters but yours is the first written feedback I've had so far on the Re-Write so I wasn't sure what people thought of the style I went with.

Thanks for the feedback in any case, I ALWAYS appreciate it!

 

[mannice431]

I'm gonna be honest here, i actually think the dialogue is pretty decent in Heart Problems, the test version is always iffy but the revised version has pretty good english.

At times there's some odd phrasing here and there but i attribute that to the author not speaking english as his first language.

I don't necessarily think the chapters need a rewrite, more like a revision.

 

[Person_With_Pencil]

I'm gonna be honest here, i actually think the dialogue is pretty decent in Heart Problems, the test version is always iffy but the revised version has pretty good english.

At times there's some odd phrasing here and there but i attribute that to the author not speaking english as his first language.

I don't necessarily think the chapters need a rewrite, more like a revision.

Yeah I mostly agree that the dialogue is fine and it does its job, it just lacks character and personality in a lot of places and I found there is a lot of empty or dead space where nothing is said between characters, it makes the interactions feel a bit off and abrupt (sometimes unintentionally callous?)

I mean I totally understand it doesn't need to have award winning dialogue for the genre we're dealing with haha, but I thought some might find it more enjoyable to have a playthrough with a little more humour and compassion, and some slightly more dialled in drama here and there.

If you perhaps want to see things fleshed out more in that regards, you should give this re-write a go!

It's my first project of this kind so I'd always appreciate input and feedback on it, thanks for responding here!

 

[mannice431]

Snip

I have played through a bit of the first chapter with your rewrite and i like it a lot, the only thing i'd recommend is abbreviating where it makes sense and making some of the original stilted lines more natural sounding.

If a character says "..." there's no reason to add more to it for example, but i did appreciate the instances where you made the dialogue flow a bit more naturally (without adding extensive rewrites).

Yeah i like it, i'd definitely love to see a chapter 2/3/4/etc...

For sure, great job.

 

[Person_With_Pencil]

I have played through a bit of the first chapter with your rewrite and i like it a lot, the only thing i'd recommend is abbreviating where it makes sense and making some of the original stilted lines more natural sounding.

If a character says "..." there's no reason to add more to it for example, but i did appreciate the instances where you made the dialogue flow a bit more naturally (without adding extensive rewrites).

Yeah i like it, i'd definitely love to see a chapter 2/3/4/etc...

For sure, great job.

I've just recently done a pass on the Chapter 1 rewrite, trying to move things onto other lines so its not so much huge paragraphs to read in one go, and added little changes here and there. If you could give a specific example with the "..." I'd like to take a look at that and see if I can make some adjustments here and there.

I often like to come with up silly things to say (humour) so I might indulge myself once too often at times HAHA, but its definitely good to have an outside opinion on things to keep myself in check.

Oh and I'm currently working on Chapter 2!

P.S Just occurred to me.. I've made several revisions to Chapter 1 and re-uploaded them to this thread without actually stating it lol.. oops

 

[d3nial1]

You are a genius mate. Great initiative (ﾟヮﾟ)

 

[JohnJG]

Well done Person_With_Pencil This is great and I'm really looking forward to seeing more of it.

 

[Person_With_Pencil]

Well done Person_With_Pencil This is great and I'm really looking forward to seeing more of it.

Stay tuned! Chapter 2 is in progress as we speak!

P.S - I hope there's no Dereck fans in the house hehe, I may have accidentally spanked his greasy little Lauren fondling fingers a bit too hard!

 

[Aurelius Ambrosius]

I get it... people don't like Stephanie being so pushy. I hope you can convert some of her whining to actual sweet adulation. I definitely don't want to see that character go!

 

[Person_With_Pencil]

I get it... people don't like Stephanie being so pushy. I hope you can convert some of her whining to actual sweet adulation. I definitely don't want to see that character go!

Yeah I hear ya on that, I'll attach a small sample of the changes to Stephanie, the first image is an optional choice at the breakfast table (the other option is to be a bit meaner to her, naturally lol).

I did try to make her more of the misunderstood younger sibling, who for all intents and purposes, is still actually a caring little soul.




Rest assured! I am amongst the Stephanie fans.. and she shall be redeemed! .. though she's still going to get teased a bit from time to time xD

 

[Person_With_Pencil]

With Chapter 2 Re-Write underway I decided to make a couple of extra small alterations !

I've changed the font for the dialogue in-game and also set the dialogue box opacity to be visible by default, along with adding an Opacity slider in the preferences screen for those that just want to turn it off altogether or tweak it as they see fit!



The necessary files will be included in the Chapter 2 Re-Write once its finished !

 

[Deleted member 6524768]

Good luck with this project, looking forward to it.

 

[Aurelius Ambrosius]

I have a request:
Can you do a quick pass through the other chapters to make the mom/sister path more sensible? That would mean we could play this game like that while we wait for your actual rewrites.

 

[Person_With_Pencil]

I have a request:
Can you do a quick pass through the other chapters to make the mom/sister path more sensible? That would mean we could play this game like that while we wait for your actual rewrites.

Ahh yes about that, I have a guilty confession to make, I've not actually played through the VN beyond maaybe.. chapter 3? lol I'm essentially Re-Writing the chapter after I've finished reading / seeing it to keep things fresh in my mind.

It could be quite an extensive task without knowing which way the dialogue is written to smooth over that particular relationship dynamic, unless you could give me some pointers / markers to look into?

 

[Aurelius Ambrosius]

Ok, no problem. I just hoped there would be a semi-simple 'find+replace' possibility to replace some of the weirder stuff like some girl saying to the MC '... we are sisters ...' and '... we are brothers ...' (something along those lines, I forgot).

I'll wait for your rewrites.