Mod Ren'Py Heart Problems [Xenorav] [English] Dialogue Re-Write ver. 0.30 (CH1 to 3)

[Drakenite]

Please continue this project. You are the hero that everyone doesn't deserve but realize they need.

Good luck and hope this project catches up to the main game!

 

[Person_With_Pencil]

Please continue this project. You are the hero that everyone doesn't deserve but realize they need.

Good luck and hope this project catches up to the main game!

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Had some diversions recently but I keep pecking at it when I can! I'm maybe 75% the way through now on Chapter 2

I've also been learning more about Python and Ren'Py as I go, so I know how to do my own loop animations etc. Of course I'm limited to the image frames provided by the Original Developer but I've already managed to spice up the first BJ scene with Lauren for example, she's definitely a saucy minx in this Re-Write xD

Also thank you so much for your kind words and support! Really makes it worthwhile !

 

[iwasdead]

Thanks bro. You are a really hero !!!!

 

[Person_With_Pencil]

Thanks bro. You are a really hero !!!!

Hopefully it turns out that way down the road! haha

There's so much empty space in the dialogue of this game it's quite surprising how much I have to fill in xD

 

[Niko_More]

Great work, man!
I need to ask, is it compatible with the Cheats Mod of Joker Leader? Because that would be great...

 

[homiKnom]

Great job with this my friend! Now this game is a 10/10 for me

 

[Paerun Cru'Av]

Ahh yes about that, I have a guilty confession to make, I've not actually played through the VN beyond maaybe.. chapter 3? lol I'm essentially Re-Writing the chapter after I've finished reading / seeing it to keep things fresh in my mind.

It could be quite an extensive task without knowing which way the dialogue is written to smooth over that particular relationship dynamic, unless you could give me some pointers / markers to look into?

If you haven't played the game further then chapter 3 before starting this project, I strongly recommend doing so, because you're about to make it inconsistent storywise. For your project to make sense, You'd have to wipe out part of the story, where you learn about MC's parents, the reasons for living with your aunt and uncle, MC's own past etc. And You learn about those things throughout the next chapters. Creating a mod for incest fans is well and good, and I enjoy those routes as well, but isn't relationship with an aunt and cousins incestuous enough? Especially if turning them into mom and sisters makes no sense in the story?

 

[Chinwiskers]

Great work, man!
I need to ask, is it compatible with the Cheats Mod of Joker Leader? Because that would be great...

I'm honestly not sure on it's compatibility with mods, you could give it a go I guess? It shouldn't be too different from the original game barring the script changes etc!

 

[Chinwiskers]

If you haven't played the game further then chapter 3 before starting this project, I strongly recommend doing so, because you're about to make it inconsistent storywise. For your project to make sense, You'd have to wipe out part of the story, where you learn about MC's parents, the reasons for living with your aunt and uncle, MC's own past etc. And You learn about those things throughout the next chapters. Creating a mod for incest fans is well and good, and I enjoy those routes as well, but isn't relationship with an aunt and cousins incestuous enough? Especially if turning them into mom and sisters makes no sense in the story?

I did actually run into a few "nightmare" scenes during Chapter 2 Re-Writing that I edited out for now that do deal with the topic of his parents etc, I guess I was just sort of accepting the fact that this would end up being a bigger Re-Write than I thought it would be.

And the Mom option seems to be highly popular for Amelie so I thought it would be worth providing that option without too many clashes dialogue wise, I'll just have to get creative when it comes to the elements involving his past and what comes in the later Chapters. And I do enjoy being creative!

I've finished Chapter 2's Re-Write and it's ready to upload but I've lost access to the account that created this Mod post (I bought a new pc and wiped the previous one without saving any details .. lol).

So... I guess I'll see what I can do about that little conundrum... stay tuned guys!

 

[Paerun Cru'Av]

I did actually run into a few "nightmare" scenes during Chapter 2 Re-Writing that I edited out for now that do deal with the topic of his parents etc, I guess I was just sort of accepting the fact that this would end up being a bigger Re-Write than I thought it would be.

And the Mom option seems to be highly popular for Amelie so I thought it would be worth providing that option without too many clashes dialogue wise, I'll just have to get creative when it comes to the elements involving his past and what comes in the later Chapters. And I do enjoy being creative!

I've finished Chapter 2's Re-Write and it's ready to upload but I've lost access to the account that created this Mod post (I bought a new pc and wiped the previous one without saving any details .. lol).

So... I guess I'll see what I can do about that little conundrum... stay tuned guys!

As far as mother option for Amelie goes, I can't and don't want to disagree, because she's just damn perfect in my eyes. I can easily see why people like that option. As for overall subject of this re-write, I just finished playing the entire available content yesterday, so I know for sure, that creativity will be needed in abundance for this. Both uncle Davie and aunt Amelie talk with the MC about past and his parents, so You'll be changing a part of the story, to fit the re-write, while making sure it still makes sense. I'm only concerned that with later development of the game, it will become a struggle for you to keep up with it. Nevertheless I am curious if it will work out, and will most likely try it, once the game is actually completed. So keep at it.

 

[Chinwiskers]

As far as mother option for Amelie goes, I can't and don't want to disagree, because she's just damn perfect in my eyes. I can easily see why people like that option. As for overall subject of this re-write, I just finished playing the entire available content yesterday, so I know for sure, that creativity will be needed in abundance for this. Both uncle Davie and aunt Amelie talk with the MC about past and his parents, so You'll be changing a part of the story, to fit the re-write, while making sure it still makes sense. I'm only concerned that with later development of the game, it will become a struggle for you to keep up with it. Nevertheless I am curious if it will work out, and will most likely try it, once the game is actually completed. So keep at it.

Yeah it could certainly be a task for sure haha, but if I stick to making this Re-Write it's own thing, it will almost be like two separate games rather than just a modification of the original?

I have a few idea's bubbling on how to deal with it going forward, I'm quite excited to see what twists and turns I'll have to concoct to smooth over it honestly.

Did you happen to check out the Chapter 1 Re-Write btw? I'm curious what your thoughts are on it so far.

 

[Paerun Cru'Av]

Did you happen to check out the Chapter 1 Re-Write btw? I'm curious what your thoughts are on it so far.

I haven't yet, but I am curious. I had this game on the backburner for a few months, and decided to finally give it a try. That's how I took notice of your re-write this time. I'm going through Something To Write About series at the moment, and will give this re-write a go to change the pace. Frankly I was a bit disappointed with STWA - The Author. That's the first game I didn't want to bang any chick in AVN, despite the game being well written, more or less. But I better not bore You with details.

 

[Chinwiskers]

I haven't yet, but I am curious. I had this game on the backburner for a few months, and decided to finally give it a try. That's how I took notice of your re-write this time. I'm going through Something To Write About series at the moment, and will give this re-write a go to change the pace. Frankly I was a bit disappointed with STWA - The Author. That's the first game I didn't want to bang any chick in AVN, despite the game being well written, more or less. But I better not bore You with details.

I think I've read through that one? And yeah I think there has to be a balance between attractiveness and quality of dialogue for it to be compelling. I started one recently and the dialogue was far too descriptive and long winded it made the whole experience a chore. I think the author had perhaps spent too much time with a dictionary XD

I prefer it to be a bit lighter and easier to read with some humour thrown in there (being careful not to over-use it where inappropriate though of course).

I tried to make Heart Problems a bit more entertaining to read overall, though far be it for me to claim whether or not I succeeded at that lol

 

[Paerun Cru'Av]

I think I've read through that one? And yeah I think there has to be a balance between attractiveness and quality of dialogue for it to be compelling. I started one recently and the dialogue was far too descriptive and long winded it made the whole experience a chore. I think the author had perhaps spent too much time with a dictionary XD

I prefer it to be a bit lighter and easier to read with some humour thrown in there (being careful not to over-use it where inappropriate though of course).

I tried to make Heart Problems a bit more entertaining to read overall, though far be it for me to claim whether or not I succeeded at that lol

Actually there is a game, Stranded in Space. Long winded as hell, but very well written, entertaining, with a lot of different characters, and absolutely hilarious. Developer's sense of humor is off the charts. One of my favs, despite me not being very fond of sci-fi. There's so much text to go through, that many people hate the game for that, but I enjoyed every second. All the dialogues are well incorporated into the story. It was truly difficult to find anything I dislike about that one.

 

[Chinwiskers]

Actually there is a game, Stranded in Space. Long winded as hell, but very well written, entertaining, with a lot of different characters, and absolutely hilarious. Developer's sense of humour is off the charts. One of my favs, despite me not being very fond of sci-fi. There's so much text to go through, that many people hate the game for that, but I enjoyed every second. All the dialogues are well incorporated into the story. It was truly difficult to find anything I dislike about that one.

Yeah the one I started was very nihilist and edgy with a lot of convoluted lines that were often repeated. Definitely a tough read.

I'll have a look at that Stranded in Space title, not sure if I've seen that one yet!

Update: Ah yes! I have Stranded in Space in a folder, I just haven't continued it and I have to agree it's a good read!

 

[Paerun Cru'Av]

I finally took a break from STWA series (the second game is actually more entertaining than the first, and relationships development makes sense in this one). Anyway, as I promised I took the time to give your re-write a go. And...

Magnificent. Great piece of writing. "I searched for copper, I found gold", or however that saying goes. I like the additional internal monologues. It gives the game much more depth, something I actually found a bit lacking in the original. And the humorous approach to the banter between characters is something I always appreciate, so with your sense of humor it stands out even more. I was concerned that this project would stray too far from the original, but it's a re-write, not enhancement mod, so it's all good. With what You were able to create so far, I'm gaining confidence that it will all work out, even with the possible hiccups in the later chapters.
As for the actual relationships with the lovely ladies in the house:

Amelie/aunt/mom
This one is pretty clean and clear, as they already have a loving and trusting relationship. Her being a mother actually fits incredibly well. So my concerns disappeared completely, after reading the chapter 1 re-write. Amelie's concerned about the taboo aspect of their developing affection for each other, so her being MC's mother gives it even more impact.

Stephanie/cousin/little sister
I don't want to spoil the story too much, but the reason for her bitchiness in the original came from the fact, that she's just plain jealous, and wants MC for herself. She's f***ing obsessed with him. That's why she gives him (and the people around him) so much shit. The sweetness you added to their everyday interactions, while retaining some of their bickering, is the best part of this re-write in my opinion. Especially considering that once MC learns about her true feeling for him, and he admits to thinking of her as his own sweet little sister that he didn't want to corrupt, their relationship (despite absolute craziness about it) is quite steady, without going back and forth, like with the others. And I gotta admit, with how devoted she is to pleasing MC, as well as trying to become his favourite, it made her MY favourite in the process. So yes, I appreciate it very much, turning her into a sweet, yet a bit cheeky little sister.

Kylee/cousin/big sister
Okay, not gonna lie. This is where my concern appers. You've created a great relationship between her and the MC. But...
At first it all seems fine, but to me personally, it looks inconsistent. They have fun together, they obviously seem close - after all in this re-write they're supposed to be siblings. Still, I believe there's too much happening in different ways, in every conversation they have. They go back and forth between siblings banter, friendly teasing, shameless flirting and outright couple interactions (as if their romantic and sexual relationship is already established, leaving no room for further development), which could cause trouble with future writing, since there are still choices to be made on how it will go between them. If You'd accept suggestions, I'd say that it would probably look better if you considered cutting down on the parts of dialogues that make it seem, like they're already together. There were a few, where it could be taken that way.

Of course that's all just my personal opinion, so do with it as You please. Overall I'm very impressed, with what You've done so far, and I'll be looking forward to next part.

 

[Chinwiskers]

I'm currently just re-playing Chapter 1 & 2 Re-Writes as we speak! I've tidied up some bits here and there and made some extra modifications from the version of Chapter 1 uploaded to this thread, nothing too major though just tweaks.

I'll try to cover my thoughts briefly on each of the characters you pointed out, and I 100% appreciate your detailed feedback!

Amelie/Aunt/Mom:

I definitely agree that the motherly role fits her perfectly, it really wasn't a stretch to push her in that direction.
She writes herself honestly lol. Lonely, affectionate and neglected housewife, dutifully going through the motions to keep things afloat.
It's clear she "tolerates" the MC's advances through a mixture of her natural inclination to be submissive and also the lack of physical attention, over a long period, she's been subjected to in her marriage.
A bit like a more spineless version of Lauren really, a harsh observation but if the shoe fits lol.

Stephanie/Cousin/Little Sister:

I originally played through Chapter 1 of the original and immediately did not like the interactions between her and the MC.
I felt like I got the gist of Stephanie just from Chapter 1 (which I had confirmed while working on Chapter 2, and decided to expand on somewhat in the scene in her bedroom).
I felt like it was fine having her be needy and demanding, even somewhat irritating. But it needed proper context and also treating with a bit more humanity. Instead of the cold, harsh and indifferent approach the original seemed to be taking at one point.
Of course I'm pretty much operating blind and with only the plot points of Chapter 1 & 2 at this stage, but I'm confident I can iron out scenes as I go forward to preserve the concept of Stephanie.

Kylee/Cousin/Big Sister:

Kylee as a character I also felt was pretty cut and dry, I think she was always written as the "obvious choice" when it came to the main L.I's in the game. She's the one the MC clearly connects with the easiest and their interactions in the original narrative quickly turn sexual and intimate seemingly without much concern about any familiar taboo's.
I have to admit that not knowing how the rest of the Chapters unfold has definitely put me at a disadvantage in terms of pacing with a character like Kylee, as the developer seems to have made her quite pivotal very early on as the opening piece in terms of sexual content, until it cools off when the MC is removed from the household of course lol.
I think I'd have to get to the Chapters later in and see if there's too much that doesn't work and then perhaps backtrack and do a course correct.
I'm ALWAYS open to changing things, especially if it balances out the entire experience as a whole. But at this stage I guess I'm just not in the best position to provide that until I get there.

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I feel like Chapter 2 allowed me to develop things a bit more with each of the girls in terms of motivations.
Even a character like Lauren, I put a little more in there about her past, not too much, but enough hints as to why she might even consider making a move on the MC in the first place.

I look forward to your feedback after Chapter 2! and GREATLY appreciate what you've given me so far!

 

[Drakenite]

It may be a stretch considering how early phase the writing is, but do you have an approximate timeframe you aim to catch up to the current update?
I decided to stop playing because I want this rewrite to catch up to the current update and any future ones, so how long do you think it'll take? Stopping myself from playing this gem is really hard.

 

[Paerun Cru'Av]

Ahh yes about that, I have a guilty confession to make, I've not actually played through the VN beyond maaybe.. chapter 3? lol I'm essentially Re-Writing the chapter after I've finished reading / seeing it to keep things fresh in my mind.

I did actually run into a few "nightmare" scenes during Chapter 2 Re-Writing that I edited out for now that do deal with the topic of his parents etc, I guess I was just sort of accepting the fact that this would end up being a bigger Re-Write than I thought it would be.

I've finished Chapter 2's Re-Write and it's ready to upload but I've lost access to the account that created this Mod post (I bought a new pc and wiped the previous one without saving any details .. lol).

So... I guess I'll see what I can do about that little conundrum... stay tuned guys!

Looks like we'll have to wait a while.
I was curious enough to check it out, and now I'm really excited about the continuation. It's a real gem. And I played the original all the way through the current update.

 

[Chinwiskers]

It may be a stretch considering how early phase the writing is, but do you have an approximate timeframe you aim to catch up to the current update?
I decided to stop playing because I want this rewrite to catch up to the current update and any future ones, so how long do you think it'll take? Stopping myself from playing this gem is really hard.

I'm just rushing through Chapter 1 again and then Chapter 2 tweaking and restructuring sentences here and there.

Once i've done that I'll be pushing on into Chapter 3!

Time frame wise hmm hard to say, I've not been working on it full time so that doesn't help the work flow I have to say lol.

I'll see how Chapter 3 goes before I make any kind of guestimates as Chapter 1 + 2 was a big learning experience for me (I've never worked in Ren'Py or done any kind of coding or scripting before this) so hopefully things speed up from here on out?

Thankyou so much for taking an interest by the way, it keeps me motivated for sure!