English:............5/10
User Interface:.....3/10
User Experience:....7/10
Art:................5/10
Dialogue:...........3/10
Story:..............2/10
Opinion:............3/10................
Avg:.............4.0/10 [2.0/5]
I have played at least one release of this game. What I remember about it is not great. They establish MC, that's the biggest and strongest of everything, already annoying, but he's afraid of everyone in his village like a gentle giant type thing, also annoying. Then, ALL of that pretense is gone because MC just gets flung somewhere else in time(?) to meet other characters and have nothing to do with the intro. Then, beyond that, MC walks into a room and a woman wants to have sex with him because...? Uh... I couldn't tell you. Because he has edgelord glowy eyes? Maybe? I don't remember the dialogue being particularly awful, but then again I don't remember much about the game at all, so who knows. What I do remember most of all is that all the sex happens for NO REASON. They just do it to do it. And, while it's fine to have throwaway sex to appease the gooners, what I'm assuming are major characters just throw their clits at MC out of nowhere. I think there was ONE character that had a reason to but even then I think they wanted to push her as a slow burn so fuck you I guess? The English starts out subpar as well so it has a giant uphill battle. MC is built like a "hero" from one of those raunchy romance novels for 45 year old women. He's like 240lbs, a giant sleeve tattoo, and glowing eyes. More than likely He's either a god or the child of an angel and demon because it's edgy and nothing matters.
As always, this opens to MC on some random day narrating his canned backstory to himself for no good reason. "I'm an orphan and no one likes me because I'm too edgy. I hate this town, it's so washed up." Just a bunch of faux pop-punk nothings. He says he's 18 but looks 32, has 25inch biceps, and all your typical porn tropey baloney. Then someone runs up screaming saying there was a bear. She was scared of MC because that's what the story demands, but after he says he'll take care of the bear she says "Hmm maybe he's not so bad." You, the player get a fake choice of throwing an axe and no matter what it kills the bear. Then MC sees a piece of metal, gets no-clipped out of existence and I guess travels through time. As far as I remember, they never return to or try to explain what happens. It just does. Great. And MC just wanders around then finds an unconscious woman on the ground. Later on, you find out people are obviously trying to kill her, but instead of killing her, they just left her there? Okay. And when MC finally finds a place to stay, it looks exactly like the village he left... Right. And, for some reason, it never dawned on me until now, but why is it called Henry's Adventures, but no one's NOT gonna rename the MC? It's just a dumb thing I didn't even think about. Anyway, after that, MC peeks on her in the bath with a choice you make, and somehow makes fried drumsticks for them. Isabella, the vampire chick he rescued, goes to talk to him then suddenly has to bite him for unknown reasons. And you also get a choice to stop her or not. If you choose to let her keep biting, for some reason, she switches sides and they fall over in a way that shouldn't be physically possible. He falls forward ONTO HIS BACK and she flips over his shoulder, straddling him? How? Were we, the players, not privy to what was supposed to happen? Cause it just didn't make sense. And before you can get any dialogue, the people hunting Isabella suddenly, randomly find and attack them. Isabella tries to shield MC but he shows up with another fake choice of weapon. Essentially it's a *holds up spork* type moment. Like "Haha, he's gonna fight with THAT?" But because he's Gary-Stu he wins anyway. And Isabella falls in love right away.
After the fight that ends in three hits, and Isabella awkwardly stabbing the Elf's tits, she lore dumps that she's a vampire princess and the greedy uncle takes his brother's power. Instead of learning all this in flashbacks or it happening in the present, you get three angles of her face with her just telling you all this political intrigue. A vampire kingdom with a brother that has a decade long plan to take over sounds more interesting than whatever is not currently happening in the game. And when MC invites himself along with her, there's a line misattributed to MC that should be from her. There's even an image of her talking so that needs to be fixed. Soon after, they kill a weird alligator, and when MC stabs it he falls and gets hurt? I think? It's just a weird nothing scene where he stabs it, the screen shakes, and then he's doubled over as if he's injured for no reason, I honestly don't know why it's in the game. They then continue on the road, MC is carrying the giant 400lb alligator on his shoulder cause he's the coolest guy ever. MC rehashes his backstory to Isabella, which means the opening, when he narrated his life to the reader, was USELESS. And she affirms his looks by saying his eyes are cool. Then, when they get to the blacksmith, Lana the goblin stares at MC like she's drunk and in love the whole time. The DAZ libraries do no favors here, her teeth look rubber, no good posing was done to her face, head or body, and she needlessly shifts he position in the scene constantly. And you get your first actual choice in talking to her, but there's no talking. MC just says "join me. You're pretty" and she jumps his dick because... Goblin? Maybe? I honestly don't know.(future Jnx here to say, no, she just does it because sex game) And MC acts like some ladies man, but he's been ostracized his whole life so he'd be a turbo virgin. You're already contradicting your character with a sex scene. Great writing.
So they leave, and you meet Lily. What bothers me with this scene is they go into the house to talk about MC, but MC is a Gary-Stu that can hear everything, BUT THEY DON'T TALK. Isabella says "I'll explain later" then ushers MC in anyway? What was the point of hearing a conversation that says NOTHING? And when MC finally gets to talk to Lily about learning things, it's basic dumb video game logic. To the point it might as well be doing the same thing as EVERY isekai ever of "You must join the guild, rank up, do quests. The ranks are E-A but there's a special S class that's only a legend." You know? Dialogue we've already heard thousands of times. And to make Lily seem valuable, two minotaurs try to rape her and you get another fake choice to defend her and MC kills them in two hits because he's big and strong and awesome. And Lily, having known MC for a total of 3 hours, suddenly jumps his bone as well for no reason, again. "He smells good" is all we get. There's also this PRICELESS line "I had no doubt his dick was big, given how big it is" I am dead. I have ceased. And she apparently sucks his dick too fervently so he shoves his finger in her ass like a rabid dog. I cannot take this, it's hilarious. There is also yet another line here of Lily apparently saying "Congatulations Lily, you managed to hug my entire cock." Never mind how awful and unsexy that dialogue is, but glad she said it to herself lol. So after MC manages to shove his baseball bat penis inside a frail girl, he's attacked by other vampire girls as a test. I guess? MC even narrates what he's gonna do in his head INSTEAD OF JUST SHOWING THE FIGHT?! He also thinks getting attacked out of nowhere is fun, because we can't have interpersonal conflict in a porn game. He was shunned his whole life he should be feeling something other than "Wow this is an alright time." Like he's always stoned or something. And they say "The plan is to go to my moms house then we'll tell you the rest of the plan." But why? Why can't we know more of the plan and why are they leaving a house they own for no discernable reason?
After they calm down, MC asks why their eyes are so different, but the player can only see that they all have red glowing eyes. So what difference there is? No one but the writer knows. (After completeing the game MAYBE they have slitted eyes, but I still can't tell because you never see anyone but Lily up close.) They spit some lore about vampires "awakening" whatever that is, then move on. The scene hard cuts to all five of them doing the same weird, floaty T-Pose in front of a castle. All I can really say is this is not a good looking render. The next scene? All of them in the same default pose inside the castle. Generally you only wanna use this pose if you're not showing them or they're not the focus of the image. But no, bro's out here full hog "look at the default standing pose for all 5 of them." Now let me get this straight, MC is now going to defend an entire castle because he's "so strong?" When was this a thing? He said he'd help out but now he's like hero for the people for some reason. Then Thalia FINALLY says some words and immediately starts rubbing him down because when she jumped at him he caught her? That is it. And MC, never having conversed with real women before three days ago, pops an insta-boner that she just eats right up. MC even pretends he's asleep? She's already been said to be like 170 years old or something WHY ARE THEY ACTING LIKE MIDDLE SCHOOLERS? This is awful. Then she strips him down in his sleep because she thinks he's too hot? I'm all for having some LI wake up MC with sexual stuff, but she met this guy 20 minutes ago and is ripping his pants off to see his dick. What the hell? And when she's interrupted, Lily calls her Thara, so the writer doesn't even know the names of his own characters. Nice. But don't worry, MC can't get blueballs, Lily's here to save the day... This is aggressively bad writing. She doesn't even go to dinner because he put so much cum in her stomach. Are you kidding me? And when they finally give their big plan? Attack the diamond mines because it will take a month for them to know someone took it over. What? Do you know how many holes are in that plan? I do.
After the "planning session", that isn't a plan, Isabella drapes over MC and kisses him like she's direly in love. She says things like you have to come back unhurt. But why is she like this? Yes, he saved her, but they just met. I will say, she has the biggest reason and most time to like MC, but not enough for her to say that MC can't leave her life by dying, in a poorly constructed plan to assault a diamond mine. And so far, MC has only been hurt by the scene of the alligator that fell over when he stabbed it. So he can only hurt himself. As far as she should be able to tell, he's invincible. And the conversation after, with Thalia, is completely disjointed. When she tells MC her father died, he interjects with "Wow, I believe your father was someone very strong" What? Not only did she already infer that, but why would he blurt that and a question she was already going to answer? All this non-dialogue is so taxing to read. And the "romance" equates to a girl thinking he smells good and has pretty eyes so he takes off his shirt because sex. Really? Is this what does it for you? She even cums from getting kissed. This is absurdist, it has to be. And when they get to the camp or whatever, MC just tweens over to the vampires, stabs once and wins. If your fighting scenes are this bad, don't include them. Make them sneak up and stab them or not have MC do any of this yet. But this actually makes the game feel worse because of how bad some of this is. I could even excuse having a fight scene that looks bad if the rest of the game looks fine, or better yet good. But this is the 6th fight scene and they never get better. I get you want him to be big and strong and super saiyan or whatever. But this just looks like action figures smashing together in a toy box. Only to end them killing a bunch of vampires with MC saying he wants to jump in a lake for him to get naked in a possibly dangerous situation. Why? They have a job to do and it hasn't been long since the last sex scene. What does this do but show how dumb they are?
When they return to the castle, MC gets accosted by Isabella and Lily right away. And when they hug him, you, the player, have to listen to his atomically cringe levels of horndog dialogue in his head. I did not need to hear about how grabbable someone's ass is. It's a sex game with the same DAZ models I see everywhere, I know full well they're supposed to be sexy. When I'm TOLD they're sexy it's just so weird to hear. I also have to remind you that at this point, Isabella, the only valid love interest, still has no sex scene. I mean, she has no romance either, but she's the only one with any reason, a hero complex, to have a sex scene. MC finally waddles away to find a hunter that forgot how to stab things. She was sitting there, staring at two boars that were doing nothing and forgot how to stab them. But gotta make MC seem like a hero. It's astonishing how much they use the same default pose for almost every scene. It's like they're afraid to move a character's shoulders or something. And it genuinely looks like they make MC more buff all the time. And every choice is either a yes or no question, or a yes or yes question. They also make MC out to be some great fighter now, giving advice to Erika, but all he's done, that we know of, is hunt bears with an axe in the woods. Where does all this come from? It's pitiful. And a person with 18 years of solitude knows how to give a massage? Come on man. You can do so much better than this. When he leaves the wagon that he took to get to the next town over, to go back the way they came on foot, he says "I don't need a map I recorded the way in my mind" I lost my gourd. You can't be serious with this guy. I mean really. He's too much and the sex animation loop assets aren't even that new or original so it's not like this is some novel experience. Circling back to him leaving, it took them a day and night by wagon to get to the town, now he has to walk back. Meaning it's been at least a day an a half, if not two, since he left. He had to be back in three days and if he gets back in time, I'mma scream.
Somehow, MC helps and fucks a pair of goblins and tames a slime and rescues Edora and Lana, (that were somehow on his way back?) all before sundown. He even had to dry his clothes off. So he has all of a day to get back from, again, a trip that took a day and a half to travel. I'd like to interject here with why is Lana a goblin and not like the two he finds later? Build a consistent world. But the thieves that attack Edora are default males with default poses, so they're no threat to MC with his muscle sliders to max. Another charmingly horrifically translated line here "Older brother, he is beating his younger brother. Only I can beat his younger brother." If ANYONE can tell me what the hell this means, please do. I also like how Lana's hair looks like that stuff you fill easter egg baskets with. Now Edora is going to make MC a new axe in one day. This is so obviously inspired by a certain story about a Grandma, I can't take it. When MC makes it back, within the three days mind you, Lily is going through her change so they changed her character model to have long hair and bigger boobs. I guess that's what vampires do here. When he gives Lily his blood, it makes him weak and has a dream about when he was a baby. Because now he's so smart he can remember things no one could actually remember. Every single time he boasts about how strong he is I want a meteor to end us all, it's so insufferable. For everyone to gush at him about him makes me gag and looking at his edgelord face I can't physically roll my eyes harder without them falling out of my head, it's ridiculous. And Lily's awakening made her look and act more like a child, so they evolve backwards? Lily was not like this before, she wasn't some little kid that clings to MC. Isabella and MC didn't act like parents to her before now. But don't think about it, we're gonna train with Meredith. During the fight, MC's super powers activate and he trips her, but somehow he slides under he legs and her crotch lands on his face? I get it, you want an anime thing to happen, but ONE you already did it, and TWO both times they PHYSICALLY couldn't have happend. All to end (at end of current content) on MC having sex with the slime that suddenly became transparent.
All in all, I've gotten all I think I could stomach from this. It's your typical coddle fest that has women bending over backward for an MC that simply exists in their presence. Every fight he's in it's posed in a way that makes it look like the characters actually try to fall on his sword, and the dialogue is mind numbing on top of it. Do better. The English is not good. Yeah, I've seen a lot worse, but it's consistently bad with misgendering characters, missing words, poor grammar. The works. The UI/UX is stock and untouched. Minus the awful blood drip font you've never used for anything ever. The art, while the lighting, models, and environments aren't terrible they have default poses and if not they're moved in a way that makes them look like they're afraid to move their shoulders. The only time it doesn't look that way is when they use a sex animation they, hopefully, purchased. The dialogue and story are nothing. The dialogue is, as I said, every character telling MC how amazing he is if not him telling them how amazing he is. The story is "Some guy with funky tattoos is teleported through time and he meets a vampire princess. Nothing happens." None of this has anything to do with MC, he's just along to get laid. I guess I can understand why this is rated higher, as there's more sex than average, but if your story's trash and the sex isn't even doing it for me, please try to improve. That's all I ask. Take a class on posing and animating, maybe watch some videos on storytelling. Because this is just not it my guy.
so yeah nothing serious and still readable but its still happens quite often.
