- Thread starter Ryahn
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- Jun 30, 2018
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The game is full of problems so I'm just gonna be brutally honest.
The pace is too fast. You clearly don't have talent writting dialogues and that's something you need to improve. I don't mean the grammar which is obviously because of english not being your first language, I mean the lack of originality in them. It seems you're interested in advancing the plot rather than developing it, and that makes the scenes way too dull. My recommendation is: try to make the scenes more nuanced. Let the characters talk about shit instead of exchanging three or four sentences and then changing the scene.
About the characters: everything is unclear right now. The dialogues don't help and all of them feel empty. I'm working on something to fix this problem. If you want to continue with this game then you have to figure the characters out. What's their past, their motivations, their relationships, etc. What were Drakh's goals? Is he scheming something or just seeking revenge? How is the protagonist coping with everything? Is there something more to his principles aside from having fun? How does his ideology converge with the world he's living in?
I can give you a lot of tips about that, but what I seriously recommend is to cast Charlotte, Nina and Erika aside. You clearly don't have a clue about what to do with them and they feel like background characters, so get them out of the "main girls" list. All of the other characters have potential, those three are just empty shells.
Lastly, you need to construct a better world building. Heroes/Villains is too simple and just makes the game uninteresting. You got new opportunities with the Hero Guild plot and the new villains, but you gotta be more flexible than a totally binary world.
I'm going to write tips and ideas for different aspects and characters of your game, I hope they can help you somehow.
I can give you more tips about other characters if you feel like you need em. I'll give a review when you post your next update.
I have something cooking at the moment to make the game more bearable, for anyone interested. Probably gonna publish it tomorrow.
The pace is too fast. You clearly don't have talent writting dialogues and that's something you need to improve. I don't mean the grammar which is obviously because of english not being your first language, I mean the lack of originality in them. It seems you're interested in advancing the plot rather than developing it, and that makes the scenes way too dull. My recommendation is: try to make the scenes more nuanced. Let the characters talk about shit instead of exchanging three or four sentences and then changing the scene.
About the characters: everything is unclear right now. The dialogues don't help and all of them feel empty. I'm working on something to fix this problem. If you want to continue with this game then you have to figure the characters out. What's their past, their motivations, their relationships, etc. What were Drakh's goals? Is he scheming something or just seeking revenge? How is the protagonist coping with everything? Is there something more to his principles aside from having fun? How does his ideology converge with the world he's living in?
I can give you a lot of tips about that, but what I seriously recommend is to cast Charlotte, Nina and Erika aside. You clearly don't have a clue about what to do with them and they feel like background characters, so get them out of the "main girls" list. All of the other characters have potential, those three are just empty shells.
Lastly, you need to construct a better world building. Heroes/Villains is too simple and just makes the game uninteresting. You got new opportunities with the Hero Guild plot and the new villains, but you gotta be more flexible than a totally binary world.
I'm going to write tips and ideas for different aspects and characters of your game, I hope they can help you somehow.
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I can give you more tips about other characters if you feel like you need em. I'll give a review when you post your next update.
I have something cooking at the moment to make the game more bearable, for anyone interested. Probably gonna publish it tomorrow.
Last edited:
- Jun 11, 2022
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- Sep 26, 2021
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Wow I read everything gargamel44 wrote and it's interesting, however I only ask that you don't take out or remove Charlotte, Nina and Erika, just give them another approach another way to support the MC like maybe their powers help the MC to be stronger and control him since he has a new body, well the fight with the boy on fire was easy because he is barely a student, however the villains are stronger and there the 3 girls can come in to help the MC recover the title of him stronger or even exceed his limits
- Jun 11, 2022
- 73
- 173
I was reply him in discord, Charlotte, Nina and Erika, I already have a plot for them, so don't worry, and thanks for your idea mate. " however the villains are stronger and there the 3 girls can come in to help the MC recover the title of him stronger or even exceed his limits " I will add this.
- May 11, 2023
- 183
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DIALOGUE IMPROVEMENT FOR ENGLISH SPEAKERS 0.2
To try it, download all three files and replace them in the game's folder.
This is a rework of the original source. It has improved transitions, choices, pacing, dialogues, etc. I tried to give the characters and the story some more depth. This is solely for the enjoyment of whoever wants to try my version of the script, I'm not trying to impose it on anyone. Given that I had to rewire the whole script, the vietnamese translation is obsolete. Sorry about that.
Maybe I'll keep updating it for the next updates, we'll see.
PD: Izumii, if you like my version, feel free to grab whatever you want...
PD2: If some mod can pin this to the "Extra" section of the thread... thank you...
To try it, download all three files and replace them in the game's folder.
This is a rework of the original source. It has improved transitions, choices, pacing, dialogues, etc. I tried to give the characters and the story some more depth. This is solely for the enjoyment of whoever wants to try my version of the script, I'm not trying to impose it on anyone. Given that I had to rewire the whole script, the vietnamese translation is obsolete. Sorry about that.
Maybe I'll keep updating it for the next updates, we'll see.
PD: Izumii, if you like my version, feel free to grab whatever you want...
PD2: If some mod can pin this to the "Extra" section of the thread... thank you...
- Jun 11, 2022
- 73
- 173
I'll be back one day soon, I'm currently focusing on treating my heart condition right now, hope you understand. Thank you!
- Jun 11, 2022
- 73
- 173
That was me when I say got tag Abandoned, not the admin from F95
because at the end of last month, I thought I couldn't go on to make the game anymore. Because of my health getting worse and worse, I decided to add this Abandoned tag, not Onhold. I will notify the Admin to correct the tag if I feel I can continue after the treatment is over.