VN Ren'Py Hero to Villain Remastered [v0.3.2 Public] [Izumii]

3.40 star(s) 12 Votes

yasirahmed

Member
Aug 5, 2020
282
126

gargamel44

Member
May 11, 2023
168
338
The game is full of problems so I'm just gonna be brutally honest.

The pace is too fast. You clearly don't have talent writting dialogues and that's something you need to improve. I don't mean the grammar which is obviously because of english not being your first language, I mean the lack of originality in them. It seems you're interested in advancing the plot rather than developing it, and that makes the scenes way too dull. My recommendation is: try to make the scenes more nuanced. Let the characters talk about shit instead of exchanging three or four sentences and then changing the scene.

About the characters: everything is unclear right now. The dialogues don't help and all of them feel empty. I'm working on something to fix this problem. If you want to continue with this game then you have to figure the characters out. What's their past, their motivations, their relationships, etc. What were Drakh's goals? Is he scheming something or just seeking revenge? How is the protagonist coping with everything? Is there something more to his principles aside from having fun? How does his ideology converge with the world he's living in?
I can give you a lot of tips about that, but what I seriously recommend is to cast Charlotte, Nina and Erika aside. You clearly don't have a clue about what to do with them and they feel like background characters, so get them out of the "main girls" list. All of the other characters have potential, those three are just empty shells.

Lastly, you need to construct a better world building. Heroes/Villains is too simple and just makes the game uninteresting. You got new opportunities with the Hero Guild plot and the new villains, but you gotta be more flexible than a totally binary world.

I'm going to write tips and ideas for different aspects and characters of your game, I hope they can help you somehow.

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I can give you more tips about other characters if you feel like you need em. I'll give a review when you post your next update.

I have something cooking at the moment to make the game more bearable, for anyone interested. Probably gonna publish it tomorrow.
 
Last edited:

Izumii

Newbie
Game Developer
Jun 11, 2022
73
173
The game is full of problems so I'm just gonna be brutally honest.

The pace is too fast. You clearly don't have talent writting dialogues and that's something you need to improve. I don't mean the grammar which is obviously because of english not being your first language, I mean the lack of originality in them. It seems you're interested in advancing the plot rather than developing it, and that makes the scenes way too dull. My recommendation is: try to make the scenes more nuanced. Let the characters talk about shit instead of exchanging three or four sentences and then changing the scene.

About the characters: everything is unclear right now. The dialogues don't help and all of them feel empty. I'm working on something to fix this problem. If you want to continue with this game then you have to figure the characters out. What's their past, their motivations, their relationships, etc. What were Drakh's goals? Is he scheming something or just seeking revenge? How is the protagonist coping with everything? Is there something more to his principles aside from having fun? How does his ideology converge with the world he's living in?
I can give you a lot of tips about that, but what I seriously recommend is to cast Charlotte, Nina and Erika aside. You clearly don't have a clue about what to do with them and they feel like background characters, so get them out of the "main girls" list. All of the other characters have potential, those three are just empty shells.

Lastly, you need to construct a better world building. Heroes/Villains is too simple and just makes the game uninteresting. You got new opportunities with the Hero Guild plot and the new villains, but you gotta be more flexible than a totally binary world.

I'm going to write tips and ideas for different aspects and characters of your game, I hope they can help you somehow.

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

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I can give you more tips about other characters if you feel like you need em. I'll give a review when you post your next update.

I've tried your other game and I seriously recommend you to drop it. I don't know if you are horny for it but trust me, the potential is here. If you feel like you seriously need to develop the plot of the other game, just try to merge it in this story. This way instead of having to think in two different plots at the same time, you can have more ideas just for one. It's a win-win.

I have something cooking at the moment to make the game more bearable, for anyone interested. Probably gonna publish it tomorrow.
I love this.

Yes, I FUCKING LOVE THIS. Thank you so much!!
 

Rockero_69

Member
Sep 26, 2021
324
377
I love this.

Yes, I FUCKING LOVE THIS. Thank you so much!!
Wow I read everything gargamel44 wrote and it's interesting, however I only ask that you don't take out or remove Charlotte, Nina and Erika, just give them another approach another way to support the MC like maybe their powers help the MC to be stronger and control him since he has a new body, well the fight with the boy on fire was easy because he is barely a student, however the villains are stronger and there the 3 girls can come in to help the MC recover the title of him stronger or even exceed his limits
 

Izumii

Newbie
Game Developer
Jun 11, 2022
73
173
Wow I read everything gargamel44 wrote and it's interesting, however I only ask that you don't take out or remove Charlotte, Nina and Erika, just give them another approach another way to support the MC like maybe their powers help the MC to be stronger and control him since he has a new body, well the fight with the boy on fire was easy because he is barely a student, however the villains are stronger and there the 3 girls can come in to help the MC recover the title of him stronger or even exceed his limits
I was reply him in discord, Charlotte, Nina and Erika, I already have a plot for them, so don't worry, and thanks for your idea mate. " however the villains are stronger and there the 3 girls can come in to help the MC recover the title of him stronger or even exceed his limits " I will add this.
 
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gargamel44

Member
May 11, 2023
168
338
DIALOGUE IMPROVEMENT FOR ENGLISH SPEAKERS 0.2

To try it, download all three files and replace them in the game's folder.

This is a rework of the original source. It has improved transitions, choices, pacing, dialogues, etc. I tried to give the characters and the story some more depth. This is solely for the enjoyment of whoever wants to try my version of the script, I'm not trying to impose it on anyone. Given that I had to rewire the whole script, the vietnamese translation is obsolete. Sorry about that.
Maybe I'll keep updating it for the next updates, we'll see.

PD: Izumii, if you like my version, feel free to grab whatever you want...
PD2: If some mod can pin this to the "Extra" section of the thread... thank you...
 

Izumii

Newbie
Game Developer
Jun 11, 2022
73
173
shouldn't it get the on hold tag then?
f95 drunk as usual
That was me when I say got tag Abandoned, not the admin from F95 :( because at the end of last month, I thought I couldn't go on to make the game anymore. Because of my health getting worse and worse, I decided to add this Abandoned tag, not Onhold. I will notify the Admin to correct the tag if I feel I can continue after the treatment is over.
 
3.40 star(s) 12 Votes