how to be happy again?

[Count Morado]

Therapies are for females, because they are weak.

No. Just no.

Therapy is for anyone whose mental health needs repair (edited for typo). Just like you go to an MD when you aren't physically healthy or have a broken bone, so should you seek a mental health professional when you have mental and emotional issues.

Also, tell former NFL player and actor Terry Crews that he's weak.


You and others are offering advice that may work (or you think may work) for you. Hell most of the suggestions OP has already dismissed in their post:

people tell me, “just do something, find something meaningful, or try hobbies like gaming, music, watching stuff, creating things you enjoy.” but none of that feels good anymore

There are things which have happened in OP's life which has instigated and perpetuated this downward spiral and it's obvious that they have not discerned how to cope with what is the cause of their symptoms.

Offering anything but seeking professional help is an attempt to ameliorate the symptoms without addressing the actual cause.

We do not know OP's life nor their full range of feelings and perceptions. That would be like diagnosing someone with a rare disease simply by them typing a list of symptoms in a chat. A professional is needed and OP needs help finding the path that works best for them through guided self-reflection and introspection.

 

[Sarcastrophe]

No. Just no.

Therapy is for anyone whose metal health needs repair. Just like you go to an MD when you aren't physically healthy or have a broken bone, so should you seek a mental health professional when you have mental and emotional issues.

Also, tell former NFL player and actor Terry Crews that he's weak.
View attachment 4387499

You and others are offering advice that may work (or you think may work) for you. Hell most of the suggestions OP has already dismissed in their post:

There are things which have happened in OP's life which has instigated and perpetuated this downward spiral and it's obvious that they have not discerned how to cope with what is the cause of their symptoms.

Offering anything but seeking professional help is an attempt to ameliorate the symptoms without addressing the actual cause.

We do not know OP's life nor their full range of feelings and perceptions. That would be like diagnosing someone with a rare disease simply by them typing a list of symptoms in a chat. A professional is needed and OP needs help finding the path that works best for them through guided self-reflection and introspection.

Said "professionals" will only give him antidepressants that will make him numb to all feelings. That is worse than death. He is just alone and unguided young man. My advice is far more greater than any "professional" drug.

 

[anne O'nymous]

Therapy is for anyone whose metal health needs repair.

+1000

There's nothing weak in the need to seek for a professional help for your mental health, like there's nothing weak in the fact to have mental health issues.

Between 1991 and 1999, I lost seven members of my family, ending by my father. My 20's were literally losing a family member almost each year until I lost all my father's family... Whatever how much of a strong man one think he is, it's not something that leave you unaffected. And it's not being weak than being affected by this, it's being human.
And obviously the same happened later, when my wife died.

Of course, one can believe that it will pass, but it's not what happen. It's not the issue that fade away, it's your hope. You don't slowly become happy again, you lower the criteria you use to decide if you're happy or not. It's just a copying mechanism, as well as a way to keep you in this new state of mind that feel comfortable because you past so many years living with it.

So, yeah, people aren't weak because they goes on therapy. It's the exact opposite, because accepting to face your demons, whatever they are and whatever how strong they can be, need a shit tons of courage. But, thanks to your therapist, it will goes smoothly, because unlike strangers on a forum, he know what he's doing, and he adapt to you.

 

[Count Morado]

Said "professionals" will only give him antidepressants that will make him numb to all feelings. That is worse than death. He is just alone and unguided young man. My advice is far more greater than any "professional" drug.

Only psychiatrists and medical doctors can prescribe antidepressants and only after other methods have shown to be ineffective. Therapists and psychologists cannot (at least not in the US).

You calling them a young man is an assumption (it could be right, but not necessarily) only emphasizes that you are making assumptions without first making a comprehensive conversation and commitment to their well-being.

Also, you saying they are alone shows another assumption. it is obvious that while they have stated they used to have a lot of friends, they also have state "people tell" them... So that apparently may have close connections with a few.

Finally, you also admit that they are unguided. Something that I mentioned in my first reply to you. OP needs guided care, not slapdash generic advice from someone who has not built a relationship - personal or professional.

 

[Sarcastrophe]

+1000

There's nothing weak in the need to seek for a professional help for your mental health, like there's nothing weak in the fact to have mental health issues.

Between 1991 and 1999, I lost seven members of my family, ending by my father. My 20's were literally losing a family member almost each year until I lost all my father's family... Whatever how much of a strong man one think he is, it's not something that leave you unaffected. And it's not being weak than being affected by this, it's being human.
And obviously the same happened later, when my wife died.

Of course, one can believe that it will pass, but it's not what happen. It's not the issue that fade away, it's your hope. You don't slowly become happy again, you lower the criteria you use to decide if you're happy or not. It's just a copying mechanism, as well as a way to keep you in this new state of mind that feel comfortable because you past so many years living with it.

So, yeah, people aren't weak because they goes on therapy. It's the exact opposite, because accepting to face your demons, whatever they are and whatever how strong they can be, need a shit tons of courage. But, thanks to your therapist, it will goes smoothly, because unlike strangers on a forum, he know what he's doing, and he adapt to you.

I'm sorry for your loss, brother. I hope you're well now.

Only psychiatrists and medical doctors can prescribe antidepressants and only after other methods have shown to be ineffective. Therapists and psychologists cannot (at least not in the US).

You calling them a young man is an assumption (it could be right, but not necessarily) only emphasizes that you are making assumptions without first making a comprehensive conversation and commitment to their well-being.

Also, you saying they are alone shows another assumption. it is obvious that while they have stated they used to have a lot of friends, they also have state "people tell" them... So that apparently may have close connections with a few.

Finally, you also admit that they are unguided. Something that I mentioned in my first reply to you. OP needs guided care, not slapdash generic advice from someone who has not built a relationship - personal or professional.

They are doing this job only for money. They don't care about your well being even if they are pretend like they do. This young man's condition is not that severe. By saying "unguided," I meant a father figure, not a "professional."

 

[woody554]

lots of good advice for therapy. it helps a ton with figuring out what's going on.

I'd also like to bring up that if, like it sounds, doing normal healthy things doesn't seem to affect it, it might be a chemical imbalance that requires medication. which would mean that you're not doing anything wrong in your life, it's not necessarily caused by your actions in any way even is you messed up things.

good luck with finding the cause and getting help. you're not alone.

 

[seifukulover]

I don't know how old you are but I'll just say that having your interests change as you grow older is a normal and natural part of life. If the things you like don't interest you anymore, it doesn't necessarily mean you no longer have interests... maybe you just have to figure out where your interest went. In my case, video games were a lot more fun in my childhood, compared to the shit they put out now. There was a time where I lamented the loss of my favorite hobby. But my interest now has shifted to creating my own games, and this excites me like video games used to. I know it sounds cliche, but maybe you just need a new hobby.

Also please remember that no one in this thread is a professional, we're all just coomers here...

 

[Acropolis]

Was on the verge myself this past year. Like really bad, thought it was just an age thing. Cut out processed crap and implemented intermittent fasting and the lifeforce just came rushing back after a few weeks. It's not just hype, ts works. Didn't think I could ever reclaim childhood happiness, It's almost like I forgot how to feel alive for a few years. Ik this is weird talking abt ts on a site like this, but just trust fam.

YT Markus Rothkranz or Eric Berg. It's not abt what you buy or put in your body, but what you aren't putting in your body. Stay safe out there everyone and happy new year.

 

[anne O'nymous]

I'm sorry for your loss, brother. I hope you're well now.

You'll not like it, but I'm well thanks to my therapist...

More seriously, I got what you said regarding antidepressants, but as Count Morado said, it's generally the penultimate solution and only a doctor can prescribe them, so not a therapist.
The only case where they are prescribed right from the starts is when the trauma is really too heavy; like by example crash or mass attack survivors. They usually live 24/24 with terror, and antidepressant help to ease a bit their mind at the starts of the therapy. Yet it's just a temporary prescription that generally only last one month or two.

This said, it goes with therapists and psychiatrists like it goes for all professions, some are really serious, most are professionals, and there's a minority that is nothing but a joke.
If one feel that he isn't took seriously, it doesn't mean that he don't need help, but that he found the wrong person to help him.

They are doing this job only for money.

To one exception during my youth, my therapists have always been hospital workers with a civil servant's salary. And like I live in Europe, it just cost me nothing.

This young man's condition is not that severe.

How do you know? Even Count Morado, who's qualified to say if it's the case or not, don't attempt to judge his condition, precisely because he's qualified and know that it's not possible to do it from few posts on a forum.
Personally, I disagree with you. It looks like he's spiraling down in depression, with a serious lack of self confidence.

If I had to guess, I would say that he had a succession of small failures in a really short laps of time; like a break up, a promotion that didn't came, or not being hired for a job. And like they happened one after the other he haven't had the time to process them.
But if there's no clear trigger it can be something more serious. While it's not what actual schizophrenia, and some form of psychopathy, are, nor how they feel like, someone who would experience the difference between his previous happy and active social life, and his nowadays dull and flat life would probably describe his condition like OP did.
And, of course, it can also be just a mild stage of depression. With "just" being here by opposition to the two previous possibilities, not to point a lack of severity.

There's just no way to say without knowing him, and no way to know him enough through posts on a forum.

 

[Hirosuki]

I've been battling severe depression for most of my life, shit childhood and all that, and so I can understand where OP is coming from.

The best advice I can give is for you to try and find someone close to talk to. Forums and online friends can help, but they don't give you the same feelings and satisfaction that a real-life person can. Maybe try talking to a professional and seeing if they can help you, but most of all. DON'T try to hide it and pretend that it'll get better; that is the worst thing that you can do. Admitting that there is a problem is the first step to either fixing it or, at the very least, learning to live with it.

 

[Sarcastrophe]

You'll not like it, but I'm well thanks to my therapist...

More seriously, I got what you said regarding antidepressants, but as Count Morado said, it's generally the penultimate solution and only a doctor can prescribe them, so not a therapist.
The only case where they are prescribed right from the starts is when the trauma is really too heavy; like by example crash or mass attack survivors. They usually live 24/24 with terror, and antidepressant help to ease a bit their mind at the starts of the therapy. Yet it's just a temporary prescription that generally only last one month or two.

This said, it goes with therapists and psychiatrists like it goes for all professions, some are really serious, most are professionals, and there's a minority that is nothing but a joke.
If one feel that he isn't took seriously, it doesn't mean that he don't need help, but that he found the wrong person to help him.




To one exception during my youth, my therapists have always been hospital workers with a civil servant's salary. And like I live in Europe, it just cost me nothing.




How do you know? Even Count Morado, who's qualified to say if it's the case or not, don't attempt to judge his condition, precisely because he's qualified and know that it's not possible to do it from few posts on a forum.
Personally, I disagree with you. It looks like he's spiraling down in depression, with a serious lack of self confidence.

If I had to guess, I would say that he had a succession of small failures in a really short laps of time; like a break up, a promotion that didn't came, or not being hired for a job. And like they happened one after the other he haven't had the time to process them.
But if there's no clear trigger it can be something more serious. While it's not what actual schizophrenia, and some form of psychopathy, are, nor how they feel like, someone who would experience the difference between his previous happy and active social life, and his nowadays dull and flat life would probably describe his condition like OP did.
And, of course, it can also be just a mild stage of depression. With "just" being here by opposition to the two previous possibilities, not to point a lack of severity.

There's just no way to say without knowing him, and no way to know him enough through posts on a forum.

I think his condition is not that severe because everyone is feeling like this nowadays. Many young men are alone. They mostly look at the computer screen all day and complain about happiness and being alone. I think they just need human interaction, that's all. This is our era's big curse. We can't find meaningful relationships because of the social media. We are not living the way we supposed to live. Our brain is not wired to handle this much fake interactions and fake people. Our brain isn't evolved much since we learned how to start a fire and cook meat in forest. We think we enhanced so much with the technology and all but, in reality, we still operate like cavemen inside our heads. That's why we are easy to manipulate. We should live like our ancestors to be happy but we can't because we are living inside big cities now. I know a lot of things about human brain and psychology but I can't write all of it here. To be happy, we should emulate our ancestors. Exercise regularly (We were hunting for food in forest for our tribe,) eat quality food but not too much (In the past, we didn't have as much access to food as we do now.) Starting meaningful relationships (Back then, our life was dependent to our tribe. Alone = Death back then. That's why we are feeling pain and depressed in modern era when we're alone.) I don't want to write an essay, but I think I told to you what is the reason and how to cope with it. If the OP wants to go to a therapist, by all means. But, forming natural and meaningful relationships will be the solution of our problem.

 

[anne O'nymous]

I think his condition is not that severe because everyone is feeling like this nowadays. Many young men are alone.

You should read the thread opening again.

Loneliness is far to be the only issue he talk about, and it's absolutely not the main point of his post. Anyway, like Count Morado already pointed for you, he isn't alone, nor did he said that he is alone. He's surrounded by less peoples but, from what he said, those persons still care enough about him to try to help him.
It's not the situation of someone who feel alone. In fact, someone who's alone wouldn't have those persons who try to help him. This while someone who just feel alone, wouldn't mention them, because he wouldn't notice that they exist and try to help him.

Him not being as social as he was before is just the first quarter of his post. I'm even tempted to say that it's a consequence of his problem, not its cause; loosing his self confidence, he started to isolate himself, not feeling worth of their company. But this is just one of the many possible reasons.

What matter is the rest, where he explain that he lost interest in everything he previously liked, can't find something to do that bring a bit of pleasure into is life, and, more important, hate feeling like this.
The two key sentences in his post being "i’ve failed at everything, everything that truly mattered to me", and "i hate feeling like this, but it feels like my failures force me into it".

I know a lot of things about human brain and psychology but I can't write all of it here.

Sorry to say this, but so far you have only shown the opposite.

but I think I told to you what is the reason and how to cope with it.

No, you told to us what where the reason of your own discomfort in life, and how you dealt with it.
And, like some have said in this thread, anyone is different. What seem to works for one will not necessarily apply to another. Especially when the issue is so misunderstood because, once again, what bother him is not loneliness, but the wrong feeling that he's a failure.

If the OP wants to go to a therapist, by all means. But, forming natural and meaningful relationships will be the solution of our problem.

"Our problem", as if you knew for sure that he's from the same generation than you...

Members here goes from 18yo to +60yo, and he said nothing that permit to know in what age range he is. You just assume that he is from your generation, and you do it solely because you assume that being alone was his problem.

 

[Sarcastrophe]

You should read the thread opening again.

Loneliness is far to be the only issue he talk about, and it's absolutely not the main point of his post. Anyway, like Count Morado already pointed for you, he isn't alone, nor did he said that he is alone. He's surrounded by less peoples but, from what he said, those persons still care enough about him to try to help him.
It's not the situation of someone who feel alone. In fact, someone who's alone wouldn't have those persons who try to help him. This while someone who just feel alone, wouldn't mention them, because he wouldn't notice that they exist and try to help him.

Him not being as social as he was before is just the first quarter of his post. I'm even tempted to say that it's a consequence of his problem, not its cause; loosing his self confidence, he started to isolate himself, not feeling worth of their company. But this is just one of the many possible reasons.

What matter is the rest, where he explain that he lost interest in everything he previously liked, can't find something to do that bring a bit of pleasure into is life, and, more important, hate feeling like this.
The two key sentences in his post being "i’ve failed at everything, everything that truly mattered to me", and "i hate feeling like this, but it feels like my failures force me into it".




Sorry to say this, but so far you have only shown the opposite.




No, you told to us what where the reason of your own discomfort in life, and how you dealt with it.
And, like some have said in this thread, anyone is different. What seem to works for one will not necessarily apply to another. Especially when the issue is so misunderstood because, once again, what bother him is not loneliness, but the wrong feeling that he's a failure.




"Our problem", as if you knew for sure that he's from the same generation than you...

Members here goes from 18yo to +60yo, and he said nothing that permit to know in what age range he is. You just assume that he is from your generation, and you do it solely because you assume that being alone was his problem.

Like I said, we are all same inside our heads. We can love doing different things, we can be in different countries, religion, age, skin color etc. But, the foundation is still same. We are built upon it. We can't change it. I've made my point. Thank you for the discussion, but I have to go now. I think you don't want to fully understand me.

 

[anne O'nymous]

Like I said, we are all same inside our heads.

Say the guy who pretend to "know a lot of things about human brain and psychology". As if neuro-atypic schemes (autism spectrum) weren't a reality, while schizophrenia, bi-polarity, psychopathy, to only name three, weren't known as being linked to neuronal divergences.