Indeed, I've been noticing that self-inserters are a big chunk of all haters around. Not just men but even women self-inserters also behave like "every character should do X and stop doing Y".
They are the most annoyed and triggered whenever anything breaks their egocentrical interpretation of the world, how they were raised or what they should or shouldn't do.
Any time someone makes a strong willed character that is the opposite of their personality they take it as a personal affront for some reason...
Nothing less "manly" than to be triggered by the existence of different viewpoints in my opinion.
I think there is a bit of a reason for self inserters not liking stuff. I also think there are lots of people who aren't self inserting that also find issues with stuff.
Consider game types/story types. POV or first person (You play the protagonist) They are designed for the player to insert themselves and get immersed in the story. When you have things that break that immersion sure people will complain. They will complain less on a story told in 3rd person or where you are watching from the outside. Even there you have to maintain a believable story or have logic follow in some way.
That means if you create a really pathetic character it can bight you regardless what story you create. The pathetic character no one really enjoys playing unless they can build them up like in a D&D game.
The character can also fail to reach a believable standard for them pulling stuff off. If I told you a 70IQ 12 year old boy made it through got his doctorate in medicine and completed his internship in 5 years is now working as a brain surgeon you would probably think it is bullshit. You would be correct because no 70 IQ person could even make it through medical school given their entire life time to study.
Example: Max from big brother and Glamour. You probably can list off a dozen or more other similar characters. They have no redeeming qualities and they amount to little more than bubble gum stuck to someone's shoe.
That said the complete opposite can also happen. The author over sales a character and then you the player are forced to endure her being incapable of dealing with the most minor of situations in a logical way. Basic CYA stuff is completely thrown out the window.
Example: Special Request the MC is supposed to be smart at marketing and so on but you are never given the chance to see her act like it. Fashion business the MC owns a multi-million dollar fashion magazine that was successful. You don't stay afloat in that game if you are a moron unless others are covering for you. You never see her act with any of the intelligence and cunning it would take to get there.
Intelligence isn't he only aspect. Love and loyalty and so on. You have characters who are supposedly in love with a person turn into total sluts with no explanation. Hell not even they were a closet slut all along is used.
You can look at a lot of NTR games and see that issue.
So the problem is authors writing or using characters that don't fit the role.
There are two methods to avoid the issue:
The first method is simply build a character that is believable for the role you plan to put them in. Explain in some short manor how they got their skills and so on. Don't over sell or under-sell them.
The second way is give the character opportunities to grow into the role. They take on a task that allows them to pick up the skills and understanding or physically change or whatever else they need. It could be something as simple as mom & dad went on vacation didn't want to leave me at home or take me with them. So I got stuck in whatever camp. I spent the summer learning to race carts and rebuild engines and so on. I got stuck in a tech camp, programming camp, media...
Hell you could let the user choose between several say for 3 years each summer. It's just an example. Now not only have you provided some explanation you have tied the users own decision to those choices.
