Alright, I want to start out by saying I loved Motherless. So with that said, I was genuinely looking forward to reading this. But ... wow, this is ... just not good. The MC is easily one of the worst designs I've seen in years. Like Bill Skarsgård's The Crow got his hair cut by a blender bad. Additionally his ultra dick, gifted to him by his "gets laid everyday" father is face palmingly stupid this early in the VN. It reminds me of VNs where the dev gave zero fucks about proportions. If this is going to be norm for this VN just stop fucking around and give all the ladies balloon tits while you're at it. Seriously, I was able to accept the lunacy of Motherless and I could even accept this nonsensical story, but gigantic horse penis on a guy with so little blood in his system he'd pass out every time he got a hard on ... it's just too stupid. I can only guess that the crystal at the end will give this Rita Repulsa the full ability to make his monster grow and shrink at will, much like how his father can grow as well. We, the readers, can only hope.
The real shame is that the women, even the Space Orc, look freaking great. A bit canned (most seem to be lifted from the same source as other VNs) but that's not necessarily a bad thing. But honestly, I couldn't care less about who the MC's dad is bagging throughout the galaxy. It literally adds nothing to the story and I'd rather this be a story about the MC discovering his past rather than the narrator telling the reader what the fuck is happening out in the galaxy before the MC can even experience it. I enjoyed the return of Ms. Truchbull. Wished she had joined the harem in Motherless, but it was nice to see her in this. Then there's the Animations (not the "bonus video" - you should keep that shit to yourself, that was bad) which were well done. Seriously, top notch. But it is a bit awkward when transitioning between the smooth animations and the dialogue associated frame-by-frame ones. There is a way to do smooth motion animations with dialogue and allowing the reader to click through while those play and it would be nice to see that implemented here.
The story, as I've said, is bad. It's poorly paced and blows it's load (figuratively) way too quickly by showing right away that the MCs dad Bradok, intergalactic space biker and prince of Aurora Magicus, is from another world and removing all mystery around the entire story. In fact, the character sheets basically spell out the entire story for the reader. Why the MC's grandfather needs his son to go to earth, have a kid and in two years needs him to return with said child to fight along side him ... I don't know. I was unaware that a two year old can win wars. But regardless, Bradok doesn't return. Hell he's on earth for four years before he gets caught by Space Pirates and forced to fight in gladiatorial fights. Why we, the readers, need to see his side of the story this early is beyond my understanding. In fact, at this point he's treated more like the MC of the story than the supposed MC is, which is a big no no in VNs. When the MC get's sidelined to tell someone else's story before we've even seen them? I mean, the narration starts out telling Bradoks story right away. I thought I had made a mistake at first and somehow loaded in the middle of the VN. This will instantly make every reader ask, why wasn't this guy the main character then? Why am I supposed to become more emotionally invested in a secondary character when I haven't even been introduced to the main character? Is this side character going to come to a tragic end, leading to the main characters own journey beginning? Spoiler ... NOPE. Nothing happens to his dad. So why are we going through his story right away? His story shouldn't matter yet. Hell his own planet's story shouldn't matter yet.
So how can this be fix? Get rid of all of the father's story. No joke. It doesn't matter and likely won't until the MC askes, "where have you been?" This is when all of that content should come into play. Hearing his father's story along with his son is far more impactful than reading about it before we've even gotten to know the MC yet. Next, change the MCs hair at the least. He looks like a reject from The Cure and his scar makes him look like the he's trying to be the edgiest edge lord to ever edge lorded. Also, if his ability is going to be that he can grow/enlarge himself (no just his dick) use that as a point for humor. Make his arm or leg randomly huge when he wakes up. Have his hands and feet get clownishly large while doing track and field. Then have him be about to throw a shot put ball clean across a field. Play with the idea of him trying to conceal what's happening to him from his friends and family. Like a super hero just discovering their powers. Then give him the big dick, only have that happen when he's losing his virginity to ... I don't know, Ms. Truchbull looked like she could handle it, have it be her gift to him and his gift to her (wink wink).
There's a lot of fun ways to play this off, but right now it's just not funny and frankly rather stupid. The fact is that the family dynamic between the MC, his foster sisters and mother hasn't even been established and there's more relationship building on his father's end than his and that's bad. The MC needs to have a focused story and needs to have that familial bond established well before he's in his young adulthood. Motherless actually accomplished this pretty fast. Hell if even established it's main relationships when the MC was a kid really well. That needs to be the focus here. Then when he meets his father ... we get Bradok's story. We get to hear about what happened to him. What happened to the MC's mother (if anything). Hearing about his hardships with the MC to make the readers care more about him and understand why he had to give up his son.
Anyway, feel free to use anything I've written here. I honestly do not mind if it makes for a better story (which it will, trust me). This is still in it's really early stages and even with all of the content here, there's still time for this to get good. The dev's last VN was three seasons after all so there's plenty of time for this to cook. I indeed wish this dev all the best and hope that they find their audience with this one. Do the dev a favor and leave a review whether you like this or not. Tell them what you liked and what you didn't. And don't let my opinion sway you in anyway. If you do like this, keep in mind it was made available for free on F95 and consider contributing whatever you can, whenever you can to help the dev keep working. Cheers.
