- Oct 8, 2017
- 554
- 726
First of all, I wish you good luck on your game.
If I have to give you some advices :
- The main character. I think it would be good to further present the main character and mainly what he looks like. In the car, we have a presentation of Margaret and Emma. Emma which is the daughter of MC's father and Margaret. But what's the background of the MC before this union ? (Like a small presentation would be enough). MC personality should also be developed. What does he really think of Margaret and Emma ? And also, after having passed his ritual (to most likely become Incubus), what does he become ? Is he an incubus, a human, both ? He seems also possesed (I might be wrong), but suddenly he is lusting after Margaret and Emma. Is it his personality ? Was it altered by the ritual ? Does he share his mind with an incubus spirit ? I think there are multiple questions which needs to be answered by putting some developments.
- Relationships between characters. We understand the whole narrative is set on a blended family. But if that is the case, why giving the possibility to the player to name the relationship between the members ? I mean, your father remarried with another woman and had a daughter with her. And you're living with them. This inherantly makes them your step family. Like there is no other way around. Say it like it is, call a spade a spade. So if you really want to give the player the choice to rename the relationships, then the father shouldn't be the MC's father but should have another relationship with the MC. Like the MC is adopted or stuff like that, but further scenario development might be needed to settle something consistent.
There is also the way they are calling each other which really feels unnatural. Like who calls its step mother or step sister by the relationship they have with them ? When MC is talking to his step mom, I think the natural way would be to say her name "Margaret" rather than "Step-mom", same for the step-sis which should be called Emma, or even "sis", since they are blood related.
At one point, Emma even calls Margaret Step-mom, but I think it is a typo/error.
The only moment MC should refer to them as step-mom or step-sis is when he is thinking, but don't drop the determiner "my".
To put an example it would preferably be either :"My step-mom is probably in this room", or "Margaret is probably in this room", makes it more natural.
Avoid also the "step-family" when they are talking about them. Just say family.
Apart from that, your game as good potential !
- Feb 14, 2025
- 11
- 32
Right now I'm making basic character sprites for dialogs, both for the girls and the main character. Also at the beginning you can put in what kind of relationship you're in. In previous comments it was mentioned about it. According to the idea of the whole family of the protagonist half-bloods, but without the ritual libido uncontrolled. Also no magic. I'll add spells with descriptions to the menu. They won't be able to be used, just information about what the main character is doing. I also seem to have followed John Carmack's plot too much) I'll have to rework the prologue sometime to make it clearer in terms of plot and characters.
" Also at the beginning you can put in what kind of relationship you're in. In previous comments it was mentioned about it "
Yeah I'm aware of it, but as I tried to explain, there is no point about it. With your current scenario, it is already 100% clear that we are in a stepfamily. So if we decided to put another relationship, it would lose in consistency.
Edit:
I launched the game again and yep, I didn't understand what you meant... So I would say either you should give the opportunity to go full incest or only "step-incest", but then for the second option, the dialogue should definitely be reworked.
Last edited:
- Feb 14, 2025
- 11
- 32
It's true, if you don't introduce the usual non-step relationships, the text looks unrealistic. And if a person doesn't want incest, it's hard for them. I would need to add choice at the beginning of the game. But first I'd like to build up the meat on the game and gain an audience. And to gain it on comfortable text in a hentai game will not work(
Also thanks for commenting and diving into the discussion about the project)