I think not self inserting is the weird way to play these games. Why would I want to watch someone else fucking the women in the game? I might as well be playing an NTR game at that point
On the topic of the thread, I prefer both an interesting character and one that I can project myself onto which is why I hate games where the MC is reluctant/pushover/weak/boring. Also devs dont use first person perspective enough in most visual novels, when you continuously show me the MC it makes it harder to immerse into him if you dont look like him, biggest culprit being the dude in Desert Stalker, cant relate to baldy.