[R> Other] [R>Proofreader] Unpaid Looking for proofreader/'pulse check' for post dystopian fantasy VN

[FingersForHands]

Project:
It's a post dystopian fantasy VN trying to be a slice-of-life for an overworked soldier/guardsman that decides to hire a maid. Hijinks ensue.

Developer Author:
Me

Looking for:
Someone to proofread the initial first draft as well as provide a 'pulse check' to see if the idea has legs.

Employment Type:
Unpaid, but a firm thank for the help regardless of where the project goes.

Work commitment:
I'm at ~85 screen pages or ~15k words. Probably around 1-2 hours of reading for a single go.

Preferred method of contact:
This thread.

Job Description:
Basically I'm looking for someone who can read the script of the first couple days and offer feedback before I start doing the renders to make sure I'm not wasting my time on something that A: isn't interesting, and B: isn't at least somewhat unique. Don't want to slap this together only to find out from players that I rewrote an episode of dragonball z or something embarrassing like that.

Additional comments:
I've attached the script PDF for anyone interested. Feel free to roast, toast or anything in between in the comments. Thanks for the help regardless.

 

[kane331]

Hey man just finished giving your script a read, and I gotta say it's good. It's unique enough setting wise. Core concept reminded me a lot of futoku no guild, but I'm glad that it leans more heavily towards the slice of life stuff. I personally enjoyed reading it, though I might be biased because I'm a sucker for slice of life stuff. Proofread wise I haven't paid much attention yet, but aside from a few typos it should be good. Good luck if you decide to actually go all in on this script

 

[FingersForHands]

Awesome, thanks for the pair of eyes, I'm glad you liked it.

 

[Death0rGl0ry]

Apologies for the late response, I didn't realise how long ago it had been posted until after reading your script, I'll keep it brief.
It's an entertaining read, seems like a good concept and you appear to be a talented writer, I think you should definitely move ahead.
In terms of uniqueness, I don't think you've subconsciously ripped anything off, certaining nothing springs to mind.
I felt a bit of a Pratchett vibe in your writing which was a nice surprise and made me pleasantly nostalgic
I really hope you have decided to move forward with the project because I'd love to read more!

 

[FingersForHands]

Thanks for the feedback, I'm glad that it was an enjoyable read. I actually made the decision to move forward with the project a while ago, just a bit slow going as I make/re-make/re-re-make renders for the first chapter.