HTML Love and Corruption [v0.4.3] [Airell]

[Cokebaths]

Has the potential to be a great game but I highly suggest getting someone proficient in writing English to look over the story. The awkward dialogue and weird grammar make it unbearable to read after a while.

 

[Asia Argento]

The Good: This is damn good, but would recommend applying better direction to the journal. Took me a bit to find my castle, but was worth it. Most of the cast is intriguing and fun. Hope this continues. Its pretty fun. Usanna is best girl and her romance path was fun. Her behaving the way she does when pregnant is a nice touch. Combat's decent for what it is.

The bad: Like Cokebaths said, grammar and proofreading needs work. Big glitch during the orc tribe city event, you can go off map. Story seems intent on pointing us to our elf sidekick with huge neon signs that implore it. Guessing Alarune bae has to wait for .3 for more content. She is my #2 and I cant wait to bring her to the castle. <3

Mayor's daughter asks me meet her at the bar at 6ish, is never there.

The ugly: The cowgirl/taurus girl is a bad example of the tsundere trope. She needs to be nicer to someone that did what protag did. JFC! Like, wayyyyy too much TSUN and not enough dere. No option to fight the boss at the castle.

Spoiler: Yeah, no.

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The "character creation" tag is somewhat misused. Does dev intend on add more customization later? I have to ask because right now its barren.

Verdict: No Score. Has a bright future given dev plans on working hard on this. Good luck to the dev. Can tell you are trying hard and putting effort into this.

 

[Porn_Jesus]

Has the potential to be a great game but I highly suggest getting someone proficient in writing English to look over the story. The awkward dialogue and weird grammar make it unbearable to read after a while.

You should try some machine translated JRPGs/VNs, then we talk again what is unbearable to read.

 

[Cokebaths]

You should try some machine translated JRPGs/VNs, then we talk again what is unbearable to read.

I have. Things can be unenjoyable simultaneously.

 

[Airell]

The Good: This is damn good, but would recommend applying better direction to the journal. Took me a bit to find my castle, but was worth it. Most of the cast is intriguing and fun. Hope this continues. Its pretty fun. Usanna is best girl and her romance path was fun. Her behaving the way she does when pregnant is a nice touch. Combat's decent for what it is.

The bad: Like Cokebaths said, grammar and proofreading needs work. Big glitch during the orc tribe city event, you can go off map. Story seems intent on pointing us to our elf sidekick with huge neon signs that implore it. Guessing Alarune bae has to wait for .3 for more content. She is my #2 and I cant wait to bring her to the castle. <3

Mayor's daughter asks me meet her at the bar at 6ish, is never there.

The ugly: The cowgirl/taurus girl is a bad example of the tsundere trope. She needs to be nicer to someone that did what protag did. JFC! Like, wayyyyy too much TSUN and not enough dere. No option to fight the boss at the castle.

Spoiler: Yeah, no.

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The "character creation" tag is somewhat misused. Does dev intend on add more customization later? I have to ask because right now its barren.

Verdict: No Score. Has a bright future given dev plans on working hard on this. Good luck to the dev. Can tell you are trying hard and putting effort into this.

Wring issue...
I'm not native English, but I try to make it as clean and understandable as possible. For proofreading I use grammarly, which seems to be very useful in pointing out errors.

Paid proofreading is insanely expensive, especially for a text game that has 500k words and growing. Unfortunately it's not something I can afford at the moment... Hopefully in the future if the project stands out and grows.

Naomi issue...
Naomi is not Cedric's daughter, she is the daughter of a noble couple from Ingmery and she technically don't have to work. She is the rebellious and kinda naive daughter. lol

She's there overnight. People have difficulties with this because of the schedule. She's drinking at the Inn after 8pm.


Belle issue...
It was actually a good moment to touch Belle issue. I polished and redone a lot of her content in 0.2.1, in the same terms you pointed out. I reread her story and felt this was a little off balance.

Char custom...
I kept the tag because you can customize the protag's personality traits. I felt this meant "character customization", so I left it there. I didn't think this meant just physical customization.

Thanks for the review, praise and constructive criticism are always welcome and I will always use them to improve the game by doing my best.

 

[Asia Argento]

Wring issue...
I'm not native English, but I try to make it as clean and understandable as possible. For proofreading I use grammarly, which seems to be very useful in pointing out errors.

Paid proofreading is insanely expensive, especially for a text game that has 500k words and growing. Unfortunately it's not something I can afford at the moment... Hopefully in the future if the project stands out and grows.

Naomi issue...
Naomi is not Cedric's daughter, she is the daughter of a noble couple from Ingmery and she technically don't have to work. She is the rebellious and kinda naive daughter. lol

She's there overnight. People have difficulties with this because of the schedule. She's drinking at the Inn after 8pm.
View attachment 1801640

Belle issue...
It was actually a good moment to touch Belle issue. I polished and redone a lot of her content in 0.2.1, in the same terms you pointed out. I reread her story and felt this was a little off balance.

Char custom...
I kept the tag because you can customize the protag's personality traits. I felt this meant "character customization", so I left it there. I didn't think this meant just physical customization.

Thanks for the review, praise and constructive criticism are always welcome and I will always use them to improve the game by doing my best.

Please dont be discouraged either. I am interested in seeing where you go with it. That was the main point of my post and you are only in a .2 and have a good amount of content and a direction. Better than most can say.

 

[Airell]

Just mentioning, wilki should be fully updated by now, and I've added all the game items and new character info. Man, wiki is hard work... but it needs to be done.

 

[Cokebaths]

Wring issue...
I'm not native English, but I try to make it as clean and understandable as possible. For proofreading I use grammarly, which seems to be very useful in pointing out errors.

Paid proofreading is insanely expensive, especially for a text game that has 500k words and growing. Unfortunately it's not something I can afford at the moment... Hopefully in the future if the project stands out and grows.

Naomi issue...
Naomi is not Cedric's daughter, she is the daughter of a noble couple from Ingmery and she technically don't have to work. She is the rebellious and kinda naive daughter. lol

She's there overnight. People have difficulties with this because of the schedule. She's drinking at the Inn after 8pm.
View attachment 1801640

Belle issue...
It was actually a good moment to touch Belle issue. I polished and redone a lot of her content in 0.2.1, in the same terms you pointed out. I reread her story and felt this was a little off balance.

Char custom...
I kept the tag because you can customize the protag's personality traits. I felt this meant "character customization", so I left it there. I didn't think this meant just physical customization.

Thanks for the review, praise and constructive criticism are always welcome and I will always use them to improve the game by doing my best.

Don't get discouraged. You're doing well so far. One thing though, Grammarly is usually good for school papers or professional emails, but when it comes to writing stories, it makes things sound a little stiff and emotionless. If you have no other options at the moment then yeah stick with that. But maybe someone on F95 would be willing to help you out free of charge.

 

[Airell]

Don't get discouraged. You're doing well so far. One thing though, Grammarly is usually good for school papers or professional emails, but when it comes to writing stories, it makes things sound a little stiff and emotionless. If you have no other options at the moment then yeah stick with that. But maybe someone on F95 would be willing to help you out free of charge.

I am always open to anyone who wants to collaborate with the text, although it is difficult for people to be willing to do so.

Unlike voluntary collaborations for more visual games, a text game like mine is very dense and the work to copyright the text is enormous.

That said, I'm not surprised that, in general, people are not willing to collaborate on this. lol

 

[Cokebaths]

I am always open to anyone who wants to collaborate with the text, although it is difficult for people to be willing to do so.

Unlike voluntary collaborations for more visual games, a text game like mine is very dense and the work to copyright the text is enormous.

That said, I'm not surprised that, in general, people are not willing to collaborate on this. lol

I would be willing to offer up some help, but I'm going through final exams right now and also working out plans for the summer, so if I were to help it probably wouldn't be anytime this month.

 

[kidderyao]

Did you get the fix?

nope because i think its fix ver

 

[Airell]

nope because i think its fix ver

Here.

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[Deleted member 4933540]

So, I desperately wanted to enjoy this game because it looked excellent at first glance. Being a text-based game didn't matter to me, as I played numerous text-based games. The art style is great, and the plot is well executed. However, the main problem is definitely the grammar and the text structure. Occasionally, you get hit by a wall of text, where there's no structure, constant switching between tenses, just to read it again for coherence's sake. My advice, start restructuring the text; sometimes, less is better. Furthermore, stick to one tense – either past or present. Clearly, your native language isn't English, but a language where tenses don't really matter? Working with Grammarly is a good idea, though it isn't made for fantasy stuff, especially if there's smut. In my opinion, your game urgently needs someone to proofread and restructure it.

EDIT: In its current version, reading text repeatedly due to grammar and structural issues, gets tedious fast and ruins the game.

 

[Airell]

So, I desperately wanted to enjoy this game because it looked excellent at first glance. Being a text-based game didn't matter to me, as I played numerous text-based games. The art style is great, and the plot is well executed. However, the main problem is definitely the grammar and the text structure. Occasionally, you get hit by a wall of text, where there's no structure, constant switching between tenses, just to read it again for coherence's sake. My advice, start restructuring the text; sometimes, less is better. Furthermore, stick to one tense – either past or present. Clearly, your native language isn't English, but a language where tenses don't really matter? Working with Grammarly is a good idea, though it isn't made for fantasy stuff, especially if there's smut. In my opinion, your game urgently needs someone to proofread and restructure it.

EDIT: In its current version, reading text repeatedly due to grammar and structural issues, gets tedious fast and ruins the game.

Yeah, I'm aware of grammatical problems. To be direct, unfortunately I can't afford copywriting, it's too expensive so it can't be helped. I've been doing my best though, doing everything in my power to create the best I can.

 

[Deleted member 4933540]

Yeah, I'm aware of grammatical problems. To be direct, unfortunately I can't afford copywriting, it's too expensive so it can't be helped. I've been doing my best though, doing everything in my power to create the best I can.

Besides Grammarly, depending on your native language, Google Translate might be an option. Whoever does your magnifiqué art? I like it a lot!

 

[guto8797]

Is Renah currently bugged/some of her content unavailable?

In my save Blessing Root is bugged: There are two options for giving her blessing root. The one on the right is greyed out saying that I don't have any even tho I have over a dozen, as shown in the key items page. The one on the left gives me money, as if she took them all, but they don't actually go away, so I can infinetely spam that option for free money.

Also, after giving her the book, what else is there to do to unlock the rest of her content? The give wine option is greyed out as a placeholder, but I have the impression you used to be able to do it.

 

[Airell]

Is Renah currently bugged/some of her content unavailable?

In my save Blessing Root is bugged: There are two options for giving her blessing root. The one on the right is greyed out saying that I don't have any even tho I have over a dozen, as shown in the key items page. The one on the left gives me money, as if she took them all, but they don't actually go away, so I can infinetely spam that option for free money.

Also, after giving her the book, what else is there to do to unlock the rest of her content? The give wine option is greyed out as a placeholder, but I have the impression you used to be able to do it.

The reagent thing, thanks for mentioning that. I've just polished the system, adding the appropriate interfaces for it. I will try to integrate this change into the next public release if there is time left as I have a good amount of content for Evelyn to be created in my queue. lol

As for Reneh, you can follow her storyline. The info is on her wiki page -

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[guto8797]

As for Reneh, you can follow her storyline. The info is on her wiki page -

You must be registered to see the links

I did check on the wiki, but its not exactly matching what I saw in-game. When returning the book after completing the Cavernous Problems quest, I didn't get any other quest. Is the "relic that the player can obtain deep in the Wilderness Caverns" the book you find next to the alraune or a different quest altogether that I haven't started yet? If so, how to trigger it?

 

[Airell]

I did check on the wiki, but its not exactly matching what I saw in-game. When returning the book after completing the Cavernous Problems quest, I didn't get any other quest. Is the "relic that the player can obtain deep in the Wilderness Caverns" the book you find next to the alraune or a different quest altogether that I haven't started yet? If so, how to trigger it?

I found a little bug that I missed... The "Reagents" link was overlapping the sex option link after starting romance with her. I submitted a small fix to the first page, I think this fixes the problem?

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Edit: I will rewrite and improve Reneh's storyline in the next release as well.

 

[guto8797]

Yup, that seems to have fixed it

I will be watching this project with great interest. Its already pretty good and playable, can't wait for further developments. From my time playing, I will leave some feedback and suggestions here:

* The waiting feature is a godsend, but its kinda useless if the only places you can wait in are "Safe" places that already tend to have beds. You should also be able to wait in the orc village and to wait anywhere with a chance for a random encounter.

* 5 minutes per square of movement is a bit too much, it basically takes a full day to travel anywhere, which combined with the aforementioned difficulties in waiting means that it is difficult to nail time sensitive events or NPC's, but I can't really think of a good solution. CoC2 does 1minute/movement AFAIK, but there may not be enough content in this game yet to sustain that. Is it possible to have time move slower when inside cities or such?

* Campsites in the wildreness areas would be nice, to be able to avoid the trek back and forth to heal. Maybe no need for a full system like COC's of buying supplies and setting up camp anywhere, but there could be locations where you could set up a campsite, just to cut down on the back and forth. Or add sleeping spots to the farm and the orc village independant of the player's relationship with Usanna or Eileen

* Time sensitive NPC's should have their times more clearly marked out in their location. For example, the square where Rasha hangs out or Naomi at the bar should have her schedule indicated there, otherwise the player has to consult the wiki. First time I played I completely missed Rasha.

* This is probably more of a personal preference, and it would almost definetly be a huge PITA to rewrite dialogue, but I don't much like third person dialogue/descriptions during sex scenes. Even with the color to try and differentiate it (which isn't a perfect solution either since the color for NPC dialogue and third person dialogue tends to be the same), stuff like "Sound of cum pumping" kinda breaks the flow for me. But as I said, probably a PITA to change at this point, maybe just have it take on a unique color of its own as a tweak?

* Extremely minor and nitpicky detail, but the "book" background for the save screen, the black crease on the middle, makes it hard to read the text that stays on top. Is there also no way to have more than 10 save slots?

Other than that, I see a very promising base for a project that unlike CoC doesn't devolve into half a million horse futa with balls the size of people. Really looking forwards to the addition of more content, NPC's, weapons armor and potions, etc etc. Even if you completely stopped right here it would still be a pretty decent small game, hope it manages to go far.