Unity - Completed - Mia's Milk Ranch [v1.1] [SatyrKing]

Auto-clickers were invented for this game!
Get yourself an auto-clicker and let it skip the what-feels-like-50-hours-of-dialogue!

Like what the F*** is wrong with devs like that?

Upon opening the game the only option is "Start Game" - 30min of dialogue clicking. Then FINALLY you get to a menu. The only option in settings is "Save and quit game"... seriously? What the actual fuck?

No options to turn of the stupid dialogue sounds, no option for instant text instead of waiting 5 seconds per sentence, nothing.

Cute graphics but abhorrent gameplay.

I believe there's not much I can say that was already said, but here we go. The first thing that surprised me was the quality of the assets used, and the narrative, which as cliché as it may sound, it does the trick for a low stakes H game. The game sets your expectations really high, but even with the lowest expectations, the game would underperform. I don't even have a problem with the dialog, I like reading the lore, but 30 minutes of erotic dialog with a black screen is just lazy and a bad idea. The minigames are boring, slow, completely RNG dependent, and add nothing to the game, it seems like they're there just to drag on and increase playtime, to give the players an illusion of depth. As much as I wanted to review the H content, there's no way I'm going through this game, as many, and dare I say, most people here didn't. The $7 price tag could easily be a great deal for what this game could be, but as it is, I wouldn't play it for free.

The single worst-paced 'porn' game I've ever played.

The text is unskippable, and you have to click the button in the bottom right of the screen to continue. There is no keyboard shortcut (or at least, none of the usual suspects work (enter, space, and z)).

Once you get through the boring intro, you get into the 'meat' of the 'game'. You throw dice. You wait for the animation to finish. You wait a bit longer just because. Then you roll the dice again. If RNG fucks you, you have to do it again in order to access more unskippable talking.

If you do that enough, you unlock a card game. It's a memory matching game, but the kind where you aren't shown the cards to start with. I fucking hate this kind of bullshit, so that's where I stopped.

I used cheats to get max gold, which unlocks one (1) sex scene. The graphics are so shit that it's unclear if it's vaginal, anal, or a thigh job. I am so glad I cheated to get there, I would have lost my fucking mind if I'd gotten there legit through endless rounds of RNG bollocks.

The character you play as is painful. The cowgirl is less painful, but the overall story isn't good, so it doesn't matter. The cowgirl displays pretty much from moment one that she is DTF whenever, and he acts shocked, as if that doesn't match up EXACTLY with everything he's heard about cowgirls. Our character is a shy virginal loser, in true prototypical harem LN protagonist fashion, except here it's even more annoying because the game opens with all his friends dying so they actually have a real excuse for him not being in the mood - but no, it's the usual schlocky anime bullshit where he doesn't respond to flirting and freaks out when the subject is brought up.

Even in the max gold bonus scene, which presumably takes place near the endgame, he spies on her, gets caught jacking off, and it's only later when she brings it up that it leads to anything. I hate this kind of writing for a main character. I hate it especially when it's in service to nothing - like at least in the bullshit harem anime the guy freaks out and leaves the room because otherwise the series would be over. Here? It's just annoying, and that's it.

Never unlocked the customisation, which was the thing that drew me in in the first place.

Terrible experience, and a waste of an hour of my time on this earth. Fuck this game.

Frankly, the game is not worth it. The intro takes forever to get through, then you have to play dumb, sheer luck minigames to get money, which are also slow.
While the graphics look pretty, there's almost nothing to see, animation wise. Once you get 1000 gold, you unlock a new memory, where, after a long, pointless dialog, you fuck her. It's really not worth it.

I got bored and tried this. I'm now more bored than before I played. I'm also completely frustrated. There is ONE setting in the game: Save and quit. No volume, window mode, text speed ANYTHING. And after the exceedingly long intro that's mostly a black screen with slow text, you have to replay minigames that are ALL RNG based. There's no skill, remembering where a card is, is not a skill. And you just repeat until an event is unlocked. The English is broken too. If I'm told I "Loose the game" one more time I might scream.

The dice game is just add points but don't exceed the goal. It's physics based RNG that you have no control over. It's also poorly made in the sense that sometimes the die just gets stuck on the corner and the roller gets 0 points. Meaning you have to suffer through an extra roll.

The card game is just match the cards with more cards as time goes on. Fun...

And what little story there is makes no sense. Your friends are all killed or "other" by goblins. Cowgirl saves you somehow. Cowfolk don't like clothes and are open with sex. Yet Mia doesn't like to show skin and isn't jumping your bones even though she enjoys orgies. Why tell the player that if they have to play 450 rounds of boring games to see any of that? The end.

The game's cute, but that's where it ends.
It has way too much unskippable text but that's not even that bad.
The problem is it's literally an RNG simulator.
Every single minigame is just hoping you win, and honestly it feels rigged.
It's a waste of time you could waste hours gambling on to get nothing.
There's nothing skill based about it.

i aint done with the game just yet, like halfway, but first things first the 3d model and cel shading is really nice

however first complaint i had is the intro cutscene using ai generated images for literally the most insignificant moment, there was really no point and so far i havent seen ai images anywhere else. next is that this game is reallllly slow, you have to wait for all text dialogue to finish, and the dice game is just really boring to sit through. one of the unlockable scenes you unlock is purely text based, that too was also very uninteresting.

the funniest complaint i have though is that one of the bgms has AUDIO JUNGLE happening every 5 seconds, i was watching a youtube video on the side (cause of how slow it is) and for a while i thought it was coming from that, but nah the developer just used a watermarked soundtrack lol

anyways yea i really dont want to spend the time finishing this game...

Not gonna lie here I quickly tapped out. It's one of those H games where you spend most of your time playing extremely basic luck heavy games in order to get a mere sliver of interesting content. It doesn't help when you can't speed up text, or skip cutscenes. It's a pretty decent looking game but one that wastes your time nonetheless.

What doesn't help the game is it's story where you are rescued by a cowgirl who are a race of Nymphomaniacs and the cowgirl is 9 times out of 10 on the nose about her lewdness but the game still goes through the motions of a generic dating sim with the MC being the sensible one. like wtf make him a pervert from the start.

If you want a concept similar to this, While there is not really a cowgirl in it and the game has been stalling for years (and has an NTR focus ) I'd suggest playing something like nymphomaniac priestess or something because this game aint it.

Like if you're gonna make a game just make one. Otherwise just post your animations online/make a visual novel

Yapping simulator. Unskippable text that slowly appears line by line with flash backs every 10 secs to even more text. The actual game part is just blackjack with dice and if you want rewards, you guessed it, more yapping to go through