Just throwing in my two cents — I don’t think it’s about being “the loudest in the room.”
To me, it’s about making things go the way
you want them to.
Take Joffrey "Baratheon" from Game of Thrones. He was loud, cruel, and all about control. Tried to "train" Sansa.
How did that go? Pretty pathetic. He demanded a lot, got very little, because at the end of the day — he was just a spoiled boy, not a Dom.
He didn’t understand power, and especially not how to
wield it.
Tyrion, on the other hand, could be gentle, but his mind got him what he wanted.
There were scenes where his cleverness achieved way more than Joffrey’s threats ever could.
If Sansa had stayed with him… who knows? She might’ve even learned to love him.
And then there’s Dany — who ruled through
soft power more often than not.
A Dom can
ask, not
demand.
From personal experience (and yeah, weirdly people only associate submission with BDSM — where the sub is always a girl — but I think it’s broader than that), I served in the army and led a whole company of soldiers.
Being strict
all the time doesn't work.
If you rule purely through fear, you either end up with idiots — or worse, with people
pretending to be idiots.
Because if I
don’t want to do what you're asking?
Sure, I’ll do it — but badly. Sloppily.
To the point where
you won’t get what you want.
That’s called
sabotage.
And when that dynamic goes far enough? People snap.
They stop caring. They get stubborn.
We had a word for it: "передрочили" something like "burned out", Iguess in English.
At that point, I’ll endure the punishment. I’ll take the humiliation.
But I won’t follow your lead — because you’ve lost my respect completely, so "fuck you".
Submission is complex.
Someone can bow and call you “Sir” in public — and still be
mentally checked out.
Yelling won’t fix that. Punishment won’t fix that.
Like Varys said:
“Power resides where people believe it resides.”
And if that’s true for a kingdom, it’s true for one-on-one too.
If you want a sub to truly respect you, to
really follow your lead, not just go through the motions —
You need to
make them want to do it.
You guide them into doing what
they already want to do, just in
your way.
And with time? If you’re lucky?
They start wanting to do things
just to make you happy.
Power is delicate. Push too hard — lose their love.
Push too soft — lose their respect.
Like Geigi said: it’s about reading the room, every single moment.
That’s why a Dom should always be paying attention, staying connected to their sub.
That’s kind of what I’m doing with Mila.
Even though she’s super submissive most of the time — if you trace her thoughts,
she always does exactly what she wants.
She just wraps it in the illusion that she’s doing it for someone else.
In my view, subs can be incredibly selfish, demanding, and jealous of attention.
But that’s what makes them so
adorable — that neediness is part of their charm.
Most games (and porn, honestly) focus on crappy Doms — dudes who don’t give a damn what the sub wants and just “dominate.”
So I wanted to show it from sub's (Mila’s) side.
Because subs can be messy and sweet and chaotic in their selfishness — and that deserves to be seen.
Though honestly, I’m not claiming to be an expert.
Just some personal thoughts and fantasies, really
