Misconception of BDSM in Porn(games)

[Parmenion1405]

hey folks,

after a lot of thought lately, and foremost due to recent real life experience i need to bring this up.

be wand this will be a really long post (i assume)

First i want to go into some Basics of BDSM i am sure a lot of you already knew but not all (or was it vice versa?)

BDSM is divided in 3 sub-areas:

1. Bondage and Discipline
2. Dominance and Submission
3. Sadism & Masochism

In all three parts are connected by one main point. The equality of the participants shifts for the Time of a session. But before i get into any detail here are some of the most common terms used in BDSM-terminology

SSC: safe, sane and consensual : Means everything that will happen follows this principal
RACK: risk-aware consensual kink : Foremost it means the same as above just rephrased and more emphasis on the individual responsibility
Top and Bottom : The Partner called Top is the Dominant partner. the Top is often referred as the Dom. Bottom means the submissive partner often called Sub
Switch: Most people in BDSM belong to Top or Bottom permanently. A Switch enjoyed both sides of the play and some switches during play, others between sessions
Session: A exact timespan where the play or roleplay happens. A session does not necessarily include sex.
Safeword: Most have heard of it. It is a signal to the partner that the session has to end immediately and is normally agreed upon before a session starts

If i have to refer myself i participate only in 2 of the 3 aspects of BDSM i am not into Sadism & Masochism. Most People outside do not understand that you can have each of the 3 aspects of BDSM without engaging in the other two. My personal problem with BDSM in porn(games) is that it resembles often rape..
Even games where you can say for sure it isn't Rape so it often is abuse of trust (e.g. Man of House, Sister at chair blindfolded and MC allows best friend of sister to lick her)
There are some plays where you teach the sub part to be more obedient and do what the Dom want. But i haven't seen a game that was really good at describing it. TBH i would say Runey is one of the authors closed to realism, cos if the MC does something the female sub doesn't like he loses trust up to a point where the female would ignore the MC till he apologizes and present a gift (in reality it most certainly would mean the end of the relationship between Sub and Dom and i understand why this isn't an option in an Harem game like his)
ok a decent way of doing BDSM is there although in Hail Dicktator even when the circumstances are a little forced (law at the isle) hachigames but both of them my thanks for the most realistic approach i have seen so far

And if i see games like Blackmail the Family/Point of no Return... i want to vomit... sorry that has nothing to do with BDSM, it is blackmail and rape and nothing less.

I'm well aware that it is not possible to bring a developing BDSM relationship in a game like it would play out in real life. Cos often it is in Relationships that are not casual or sex-based only that one partner isn't into this kind of sexual play you need to gain trust be open about your fetish and slow and steady build up an understanding for your partner and never ever overstep your boundaries. So to speak it can easily take a year or more to build up enough trust to to more than some harmless blindfolding oder tie someone on bed. Hey i do not want to play a games that processes through every step of it. it would nothing but boring as hell. But maybe cos i am part of this scene and i know the values i have regarding SSC/RACK and outside the play i am in great favor of equality between genders and the misconception that some games bring up i am upset over this. Most games with a BDSM tag should be retaged to Abuse and Rape. I cannot find joy in such games and i blame the writers to be not informed at all. But this uninformed thing can turn out really bad cos i think some of the consumers of such Porn(games) will believe that it is BDSM like it is in Reallife. NO it is NOT and i although blame the user of those games cos they cry for more of it. Hey humiliation is one part of BDSM but not like that. Never ever! I am in an loving relationship with my partner and she is a sub i am Dom, but cos i play with her and do things in the bedroom (or somewhere else) with her that would considered degenerating, i am in Love with her and outside our Sessions we are absolute equals. And in some parts of the life i know my wife is more versed than i, so she takes the lead. In all i do not care, or better worded i am glad i have her and her taking the lead in such situations. But nevertheless she is my wife my lover my equal but although my little Sub i can do what i want as long as i stay in the boundaries.

After reading a lot of post on this theme i am pretty pissed at a lot of the thought that are out there and i am sure it isn't only here on f95 but a not minor part out there believe that BDSM is some kind of limb-hacking murder raping scene with only maniacs in it. If you now read this and think your not meant than don't be offend by my harsh words i did not mean you.
I would like if it where possible that BDSM would get the same support for tolerance that the LGBT scene has, but in both cases their is a long way to go before we can think of being accepted as "normal's" are

ok i needed this kind of rand

i do not want to insult anybody but i would like an open relaxed discussion without any toxicity against each other

my 2 cent

Greetings Parmenion

 

[262177]

Well, this was both an informative and insightful wall of text! As a BDSM fan myself, I didn't even know some of those abbreviations (SSC and RACK) due to lack of experience (most of my kinks are fantasy-only so I have yet to experience what a BDSM dungeon feels like).

I believe I get what you mean; we have the same problem with female domination (and maybe male domination, but that isn't my jam) except it's the exact opposite - it feels way too tame to be considered domination at all. BDSM must be consensual but this is very hard to define in a

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(note the tag is visual on EH) in a fantasy universe without invoking disclaimers that will bore or annoy the player/reader instead of just amusing them.

As for the relationship, I also get you 100% there, I think. Bonds in particular puts a strong emphasis on the consensual aspect while mocking the potential rape elements.

And well, as for support... I'm no fan of making crowds or parading with my fetishes or sexual orientation, but I still respect everyone's decision. If you mean a more objective definition and a revision for the bdsm tag for current showcased games on F95, I'm afraid we're already SOL as the tagging system already is quite a mess and will require waiting for Sam's latest additions to see if we can expect a better way to have them handled without breaking everything either.

Hopefully this advances the discussion a bit!

 

[Fzeren]

I mean it really just comes down to the difference between fantasy and reality.

I'm really into the fantasy of having a violent partner who rapes me, but would I actually enjoy being with somebody who treated me like that? Probably not, since it wouldn't be as abstract or selective as the fantasy. But when it comes to fiction, you don't have to worry about the real life implications, you can entirely focus on the fantasy.

 

[262177]

I forgot to mention that yes, the rape fetish also exists. Then again, you've got the dangerous ones who also want their partner to slam their head against a wall and call them a pussy because they refuse to do what they say, but yeah no, this is where we draw the line...

Even algolagnia can be done responsibly. I couldn't really prove that one since my pain tolerance is absurdly low for a masochist (a fragile constitution and failing organs don't exactly help) but yes, Fzeren is correct, this one's the same old theme, fantasy vs reality.

I have a kink for coprophagia, but I wouldn't consume that shit (pun not intended) even if

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told me pretty please. Fzeren's example works best though, as rape is a criminal offense in just about 99% of countries, but the fetish still exists.

Financial domination also completely destroys one's life and surroundings, yet it is a growing fetish in both drawn and real porn, to the extend of becoming completely cliché'd in "femdom" that's honestly just findom, and turning someone into one's personal walking ATM is something that has been done for a very long time, though it has become more subtle recently.

 

[Parmenion1405]

Fzeren i understand where you come from and nothing wrong with that. My point was entirely that this kind of misconceptions give a outlook to BDSM to outsiders that can cause a lot of problems. To begin with being treated as some kind of reallife rapist to people who pretend to be part of the BDSM-com and do horrible things cos they do not share our values and do not respect SSC/RACK in the slightest, what in conclusion hampers the reputation of the BDSM-com more and more...it is like an self repeating downward circle with now way out as long as this misunderstandings are going on

edit: that is one of the main reasons why i am so against the Rape kind BDSM in games... yeah it is fantasy but a lot people know next to nothing about BDSM and a part of them is likely to believe this shit

 

[262177]

That honestly sounds like a tolerance problem from the ignorant side. People are entitled to their own mindsets.

People with a 2D lolita complex know that all too well, even if they aren't even sexually attracted to children at all, and just happen to work with children. Putting yourself in the parent's shoes, you understand full well where the concern is, but reality is anyone snapping can harm them. Whether this increases the odds of happening still is being studied.

To keep it short, people will compare a kink to its criminal equivalent, where applicable. Especially when it is directly applicable.

Statistically speaking, and from various, long studies, there is no increased risk for someone to harm someone else with or without a fetish. If they break, they can unleash all hell and no one will figure out what the fuck went wrong, including themselves. This is why you closely monitor someone's mind when it is clearly unstable - but in such cases, it may also happen out of nowhere and be completely unprecedented; no stress, no anxiety disorder, no traumas. A specific situation triggers it and the chain of events happens.

And they will feel guilty about it after getting their mind back if that was an actual frenzy. Leading to suicide in most cases.

To get back on the topic of - I believe that's what you mean - BDSM practicers stigma as rapists, that would not normally happen if people took the time to learn how it works. Assuming they will is a mistake. Attempting to force some kind of BDSM tolerance day may further polarize the community by both having the BDSM community stick together, but also people gang up against them for trying to get attention when they are "nothing more than rapists". This is a wild guess here, but from your posts, this is the usual minority-makes-majority-look-bad scenario.

Same for religion, ethnicity, etc.

Please let me know if anything was offensive. I tend to rant without paying enough attention, and I apologize if I went off.

 

[Parmenion1405]

no offence taken,

and gotcha.

Maybe it is just my mindset. I have discussed it several times with my wife. But we are both in the scene so its hard to find an outsiders perspective, but one of the reasons i got that threat started wasn't porn or porngames in general but a reallife incident. A befriended Couple discovered our fetish, and after trying to sort it out, which led to an argument that ended with accusations and some hateful shit. We were over 4 years befriended and one week after they came to knew that we like BDSM the called me a rapist an a brainwasher and even tried to get my wife away from me like a rescue from an evil man. After they realized that she will stay with me and we both do not understand that they only wanted to "help us".. they cut off the connection totally like we have some kind of disease or so, and they were our age. I was really upset about it and do not understand their way of thinking, to throw away a friendship of years over something that has nothing to do with the friendship at all. And then me and my wife played some games together and there was that kind of bdsm i described before, that was the last trigger.
I will never try to convert someone to bdsm, and i do not want to lash out at people who are happy with vanilla sex, be happy. I wouldn't be. But everybody has its tastes

to be condemned by friends for your tastes is hard to swallow... even for my wife and she... oh got of track here

i just and i hope that came through my first post an open discussion over fetish like BDSM and how it is possible to be more tolerant. I wouldn't have a problem with the more gore style of BDSM in games or porn, if there was a hint for the people like in the Fast and furios movies to drive always belted and within the restrictions only in BDSM style ... like an hint to SSC/RACK for RL-BDSM

do you know what i mean?

 

[262177]

Yeah, I got your point. I'm really sorry to hear from your loss of a longtime friendship over such a thing, both for your wife and yourself. Some people tend to just assume the worst - it isn't your mindset here, from what I can tell, they misinterpreted the situation, either due to stigmas, their own situation, misconceptions, many possibilities, really.

They might have not meant any harm with this but this is quite sad as they could just have asked more questions instead of coming to conclusions. I'm not exactly surprised, though, as I've seen ruined lives for even more trivial things... which led to depression. But I'm not complaining. Such is society.

I understand your concern and yeah, the emphasis is on tolerance. People are extremely quick to judge and embrace stereotypes. I'd say our society doesn't exactly make this super easy, but one way to help people open their mind is to make games that emphasize on the responsible and even softer aspect of BDSM.

Aerodynamics and 13o did this with the fart fetish for their game, Lost Treasures. Granted, this is hardly a fetish that can go south, but it is one that tends to be shamed a lot along with scat. Some people playing it ended up growing the fetish themselves, almost all of them had a good laugh, and the majority agreed that it was fun.

As a depressed user myself, I can't exactly help you get over this hard phase, but if you somehow still have motivation, you could try and make a game yourself, with your wife, if she is interested in that. Don't share personal experiences in it to avoid doxxing, this one is serious. You can still make it semi-related and state that the story is real, just like in Bonds, in fact.

What I really loved about that game is how open you feel once you're done playing through the storyline. It is short, but even someone without the fetish and with a tolerant mind would get the idea. I believe Screampunk/Nitropunk also does similar stuff with huge disclaimers and explanations on how all of this works for everyone to understand, though even if I appreciate the artist and consider them to be a kind person, that's a bit of overkill.

(But who am I to judge, apologizing all the time in my own posts...)

All I can say is while there's no guarantee you'll help mindsets get better, I suppose there's no harm in trying if you believe you can do it. A dialogue is always welcome on F95, just make sure not to share too much real life information (this is also against the rules, but your reference is fine as long as people cannot use this information against you - this mostly applies to personal information for obvious reasons).

Well, I did take a bit of a tangent as well. But as I said, if that helps you with your situation and the general understanding of the fetish (as well as fetishes in general), as long as you don't fall for the occasional trolling posts (usually without ill intent, but this can quickly escalate) feel free to post!

 

[Sassadin]

I think you are mixing up between BDSM as a practice in the real world and BDSM as a tag in game/porn. BDSM as a tag IMO covers a much larger range of activities. For example, you can actually own slaves in a game and the dynamic will be vastly different between a true slave & master and a role-playing slave & master.

There are many other things under the BDSM tag that are far more extreme than anything we understand as BDSM in real life. You can argue that it's wrong to include these in the BDSM tag, but that's just how it is right now. Maybe we can add a BDSM:roleplay tag or something.

 

[Parmenion1405]

Sassadin your right with the definition you gave here of the tags, and i think i got a little overboard here.
tbh it wasn't my best week, but my wife and i stick together. She chuckles while i write this cos she read what i worte before. Maybe i should grab her and call it a day. (that's what i will do after a short thought about this, be back in a day or so)

262177 never mind bro. i would never give anything away that can be used against me. And i confirmed with my other part before i posted here. I know she has an account to. but as her wish i do not know under wich name she is here. on the opposite i wished her to know my activities here. And even a mod or host could maybe figure where i live (when he gets through my proxy that is)
I am lingering with the idea of making my own game with this theme, but even so i would say i am not bad with rendering, i have no programming skills at hand and without you wont make a game. And least thing is the time. between work and family and hobbies there is the thing called sleep that kills the rest of time left per day

 

[DaCreat0r]

This is a thing that has been bugging me for a long time as well. Yes, porn is about fantasy, and yes, virtual porn lends itself to things one can not or should not do in real life. Heck, my comics are an example of that through and through.

Yet most works do not get several CRUCIAL things right:

1. Consent: I always make sure that everything I portray in my comics has an air of consent about it. I will not do any scenes where this is missing, and I encourage each and every creator here to do the same. I get it: establishing consent does make writing a bit more difficult at first, since you need a motivation for the characters to agree, and you can't just have one character do what they want because reasons. But in the long run, it enables way more possibilities to develop scenes, and it will provide a totally different atmosphere. And think about it: While having to establish consent limits certain scenes, you can do way more intensive stuff that will not appal players/readers/watchers as easily.

2. Affection: Most works that go about "BDSM"(not really) from the rapey-angle miss a huge opportunity for the atmosphere of their piece. If everything that happens is a series of crimes with long jail sentences, the entire atmosphere will devolve into something gritty, evil, dark and vile. That is not how most people feel about their sexuality, and especially not how people practising BDSM feel about their relationships. If you make your audience feel that those characters care for each other, it will fit your audience's feelings towards sexuality way better, while appealing to the audience's fantasies at the same time and as an added bonus, your audience won't feel guilt because they enjoyed your works. Everybody wins!

3. The victim cums (yay, a pun!) around/The post-consent: She has been brutally abducted on her way to work, beaten, tortured, raped several times, humiliated and abused. Now for the grand finale, she suddenly realizes that she likes all of this somehow and all of a sudden starts enjoying all of it until she cums very hard. Ever seen that one? That is NOT how people work. This trope is used SO often, and it just comes off as a lazy attempt to shoehorn an orgasm by the victim in there because people like it, and it comes off as apologetic. She liked it in the end, so no hard feelings, eh? Every time I see this trope, it immediately yanks me out of any kind of immersion. No, fellow writers. Just.... no. The most aggravating part: They KNOW their audience wants the victim (I'm not calling it "the sub" because of lacking consent) to feel pleasure, so they want this altruistic experience of giving pleasure. Why not have it in there from the start?

I could rant on about this topic, but I'll leave it here for now. Thanks for reading.

 

[anne O'nymous]

Maybe it is just my mindset.

Yes and no.
You are right when you say that it is related to misconceptions for the outsiders, and that those misconceptions can cause a lot of problems. But I think that the misconceptions predate the misrepresentation, therefore that the outsiders would cause the same problem even if all BDSM fictions where done right.

And then me and my wife played some games together and there was that kind of bdsm i described before, that was the last trigger.

You could have read 50 shades of grey either, you probably would have come to the same conclusion. The whole world call its content BDSM, while it's way more on the side of narcissistic domestic abuse.

to be condemned by friends for your tastes is hard to swallow... even for my wife and she... oh got of track here

Like it is to be condemned for your religion, skin color or whatever, especially since the reason is the same: pure bullshitting misconceptions spread by ignorants.

Fixing the way fiction depict BDSM wouldn't change your ex-friends problem. They would see BDSM done right, and either wouldn't understand that it's BDSM or think that it's not how BDSM should be depicted.
The way you talk about them seem relatively clear regarding their understanding of BDSM. Would someone explain them what femdom is, that their brains would probably explode, because it's the exact opposite of the "caveman want sex, caveman have sex" they imagine as being what BDSM is about.
Chinese eat pets, Africans are idiots, Muslims are terrorists, and BDSM is about men using force to impose their desires to all women. That's, alas, not more complicated than that.

And, yes, your wife and yourself being part of the scene make it nearly impossible for you to understand the problem. Once again for the same reason that people targeted because of their religion, skin color, or whatever, have hard time to understand what happen: You know the truth, and believe others to also know it.
A Chinese know that, while some have a really wild diet, the vast majority eat regular meat like everyone else. Africans know that there's Nobel prize recipients from their continent. Muslims know what their religion effectively preach. And BDSM adepts know that consent play a major role on the scene.

But, as I said, fixing how BDSM is depicted wouldn't solve the problem, because the misconception predate the misrepresentation. By example, BLM movement don't stop racism, it just raise awareness in the none racists population. Exactly like the Civil Rights Movement did in the past ; people who were pro segregation didn't changed their mind, it's those who had no opinion who became against it.
And in the same way, rightly depicted BDSM would not prevent people to think that it's all about male dominance. It would just help people who know that it's not the case, but aren't adepts themselves, to learn more about it. But those peoples wouldn't have reacted like your ex-friends did. They would have awkwardly tried to learn more, to understand more.

On a side note, I know it will not solve the trauma, but you and your wife are better without them. Whatever how good could have been your friendship, them reacting this way without trying to first understand your position prove that they have a real lack of tolerance. Especially since your wife lost track.
I mean, their accusations were facing an angry woman basically saying that they are a bunch of idiots, that it's not how things are, and all... And they decided to stand on their ground ? Not once they imagined that they can be the one on the wrong ? Deciding to sacrifice a long time friendship instead of questioning their belief...
Are you sure that you regret having lost friends like that ? If it wasn't now and because of your kink, it would have happened soon or later for another reason.

 

[Parmenion1405]

after some distance and a good nights sleep i admit your right anne O'nymous

but it is quite a blow. Yeah in long term i think we will be better of. And for a while i have had a good chat via phone to an outsider of BDSM... to admit if i have to guess she has a lot of fantasies you would consider belonging to BDSM but she doesn't see it as such (what a lot of people think). Like kinky roleplay, light bondage (handcuffs) feather play, vibrator/remote plays, edging and so much more.

I am just glad that not everybody is so retarded to jugde before asking. But my main concern will be unresolved here and outside, how do you overcome this misconceptions, when wirters and readers alike does not change the way the look at BDSM... and i am quite sure a lot of the BDSM in games on this side is just some fucking imagination of authors which never had even something close to real BDSM

 

[anne O'nymous]

And for a while i have had a good chat via phone to an outsider of BDSM... to admit if i have to guess she has a lot of fantasies you would consider belonging to BDSM but she doesn't see it as such (what a lot of people think). Like kinky roleplay, light bondage (handcuffs) feather play, vibrator/remote plays, edging and so much more.

I can be wrong, but I think that anyone who don't limit to pure vanilla "in bed missionary sex", and don't see sex as a pure selfish relief, have BDSM tendencies. This whatever how soft it can possibly be, like the handcuffs, technically it belong to BDSM.
There's the women who like to be forcefully took time to time, or those who like some soft spanking. But there's also those who really are into blowjob. Have they femdom tendencies or sub ones, it depend of the reason why they like doing it, but there's a little bit of that in them ; to summarize, whatever if they are seeing it as the pleasure of their man depending of their good will, or if they are discarding their own pleasure to the benefit of their man, it's somehow part of the BDSM scene.

And it's not impossible that this play a role in the misconceptions regarding BDSM ; "wait, no, [this] can not be BDSM, we do it with my wife/husband. BDSM is something more strong, BDSM have to be something more strong because we are not into BDSM."

But my main concern will be unresolved here and outside, how do you overcome this misconceptions, when wirters and readers alike does not change the way the look at BDSM... and i am quite sure a lot of the BDSM in games on this side is just some fucking imagination of authors which never had even something close to real BDSM

You don't have to be "quite sure", be just sure, because it's what happen. Most authors write about kinks they just heard about but don't really know.
The fact that the misrepresentation predate the misconception doesn't meant that the adult gaming scene shouldn't evolve and change the say it depict BDSM. It just explain why BDSM is, alas, depicted this way. And the fact that a correct depiction wouldn't solve the problem doesn't mean that it wouldn't, at least, stop to spread it.

 

[woody554]

you are right about everything you said.

BUT you're mixing up IRL play with fiction. what I mean is there is no reason for a BDSM story to obey ANY of the sensible real life guidelines of responsible behavior, and historically they rarely have. instead since all the way back from de Sade the stories have depicted monstrous and evil acts that in real life would get you prison time and end up in dead and permanently injured people. dark evil stories.

that said, yeah absolutely there's tons of room for improvement. and almost everything 'BDSM' I've ever seen here has been more like some weird vanilla version of it. just like lesbian porn is made for straight men and not lesbians, the BDSM motifs are often used as sort of ornamental props to sugarcoat normal vanilla sex. the tone is missing, the focus is on putting dicks in pussies instead of domination or the feeling of submitting. but dressing up vanilla in latex is not making it BDSM, it's just a masquerade instead of the real thing.

how to make it better? honestly I don't know. the people not into it won't understand the difference, so education won't really help. the only way is when people actually into it make their own games, but there doesn't seem to be many around. also the games might not hit the interests of all the vanilla people so it's probably a very limited audience.

I mean if someone made a game about spanking, no penetration, that would be a hard sell for most. not that you'd HAVE to leave it out, but that's the difference in focus we're talking about. people who love spanking would be totally fine with it, vanilla people not so much.

 

[F4C430]

From my perspective we're actually talking about two different things. BDSM as a fetish/fantasy does not have to be consensual and i would argue is actually nonconsensual by nature. BDSM as a practice adds consent because obviously it would be dangerous, wrong, scary, and illegal otherwise. Games and other fictional media are not real and don't need to adhere to those safe practices--it just depends on what the creator and audience want.

 

[Parmenion1405]

...
And it's not impossible that this play a role in the misconceptions regarding BDSM ; "wait, no, [this] can not be BDSM, we do it with my wife/husband. BDSM is something more strong, BDSM have to be something more strong because we are not into BDSM."
....

Just my thinking. In a way i should pity those narrow minded people, but it is hard to do so when they behave all and mighty cos you stay firm to your believes/convictions (no native and do not know wich wording is better).
A would say i am an open minded person which try's not to be led by prejudices. I know i will never be 100% objective at any given subject, cos as a living human being with memories and experience in the past everybody will always be subjective.

I am not a rational man, cos i think emotions makes the better part of you. Being selfless, being compassionate, being caring, being true to your own feelings will make you a better person i believe. Even if i like to be the Dom in bedside activities i am not ashamed to admit that some of the VN stories i read or some Hollywood movies made/make me cry. WTF who cares...
Some say men don't cry... bullshit. Be honest let your feelings flow..
and my wife just said i should add that in her opinion a real good BDSM relationship (not just a sexual one) needs both parts to be empathic for each others, and some who wont listen to his very own emotions cannot be really empathic for the feelings of others

I know i have said here some pretty personal stuff, but out there will may be the one or another who thinks alike. And those without compassion and understanding... just f... o...

I am about the meddle of my live, and at some parts life was a lot harder than any dick can ever be. But there were the other parts of joy and sunshine and fun. TBH without the darker parts i would not apricate the better parts as much as i do.

Back to topic: I think this tread or any attempt will not change a thing over the problems the BDSM com has. And that wasn't my goal with this (but wouldn't be against it). It was and is only my intention to explain some things and make some people rethink their opinion regarding BDSM. And if i get answers like the first one in this thread, that it was educational and brought up new pieces of information i am as happy i can be

 

[woody554]

I am lingering with the idea of making my own game with this theme, but even so i would say i am not bad with rendering, i have no programming skills at hand and without you wont make a game. And least thing is the time. between work and family and hobbies there is the thing called sleep that kills the rest of time left per day

if you restrict yourself to ONLY showing images with dialogue, you can basically just write your dialogue into renpy line by line, and show new image between lines as needed. don't add anything player needs to click and don't use any UI besides what renpy already gives.

that's exteremely easy and requires no real coding. you can even add choice with the renpy 'menu' tag which gives you those boxed choices you've seen everywhere. bare bones, and still easily enough to tell any normal VN you've ever seen.
99% of stories here could be told with these basics, but people get bogged down trying to implement 'clever small things', burn out, and abandon project.


the problems begin when you try doing ANYTHING past that, and suddenly you're in hell trying to figure out not one but FOUR different languages.

so no sandbox, no minigames, no clickable objects, and avoid animations. then you're golden, nothing to it.

(also what a horrible thing your 'friends' did to you. they were total judgemental cunts there's no other way to look at it. )

 

[Parmenion1405]

woody i have a concept of a specific story/game i would like to do. But TBH i am a little afraid, first i do not want to do something halfhearted and second its a huge commitment especaly with my crappy 8 year old equipment

this image alone took my pc about 30 min render time and it is still grainy and the lighting is really bad

 

[262177]

The social stigmas are the issue, that is, when a trauma isn't involved - being traumatized understandably makes someone biased, and this is where the traumatized person has trouble explaining that they are reacting like this because of it. You can't have them systematically overcome the trauma, that's a long process, and a completely different story. But that one doesn't help either.

We all have trouble understanding kinks, and even more so when it comes to RL. Rough sex is all over the place, and it's far more brutal than what little rough BDSM play I've seen. I highly doubt Parmenion1405 is a madman trying to tell people he did nothing wrong, as he has made sound arguments, and he has been shamed by society - relatives even - for responsible usage of a potentially dangerous kink. The key is potentially dangerous. Everything can go wrong, even vanilla sex, not with the same consequences, of course. And I am a negative person. Doesn't mean I am quick to judge. Overly open? Maybe. Overly tolerant? Again, maybe. Why won't I just encourage all kinks out in the open? Um, there's a difference between casually mentioning a kink and pointing out that something done in real life attracts stigmas and trouble real fast if you expect everyone to be understanding.

While I loathe 3D (but fully respect people who like it), this is actually one of your better go-tos if you want to express yourself with realistic-looking assets. But as you said, yes, it takes a lot of time and that won't really be possible in your case, which is why I suggested that really short visual novel (Bonds). Whether you have the kink, it's a good one. Educational value without being preachy and it's funstuff.

I'll still use 2D as an analogy, but just because it's comedy. And because I felt like it, really.

People: Okay, let me get this straight - you're a pedophile, you're a dyke, you are into animal abuse, you are into pain and humiliation. "I am a dog". What the fuck? THIS DOESN'T HURT?!
You: Chill. This is a comedy manga. She isn't even naked. And how do you know I am wet? Did you check my panties? Should I call you a molester for looking at my underwear?
People: THAT DOESN'T MATTER. What if you do it in real life? Think of the consequences!
You: If you do it responsibly, with a fully consenting adult, and have stop words, what do you think happens? Do you go to the police after getting slapped for misbehaving when "okay, that's enough" would have been enough? Because you know, slapping someone technically is a crime. That's the very definition of pain, and you didn't ask to get slapped even if you deserved it. Do you spank your own kids while preaching how the purest form of love in real life should be limited to hand-holding to others? Do you penetrate your partner without asking whether she is okay with it, or take a no as a yes "because that's not what she meant"? That wouldn't be surprising.
People: FUCK YOU.
You: A good day to you as well.

This is pretty much the analogy. As I tried to point out, your former friends' biggest mistake was not to point out why they reacted like this. Traumas exist. People have been exposed to abuse and it may cloud their judgment. If they reacted like this out of nowhere, the least they could do - aside from minding their own business and making sure you were both fine with this and not taking it too far - would be to ask questions.

Do people ask questions when they see <insert ethnicity here> in the streets instead of saying "oh great, another <insert racial slur>, more crime"? Not everyone will casually say hello, but even people with actual traumas will freak out and avoid them, but certainly not call them out in the open.

Just like 99% of native speakers can't speak their own language, minorities and misconceptions is what causes issues. Doing extreme play (or even soft BDSM) and being very open about it can be a problem if the place you live in has particularly bad social standards. But keeping yourself closed in a bubble and feeling shame, maybe even dirty, for being what you are not, is worse. Rape victims firmly believe they are the ones at fault and this encourages rapists to further discredit them by reversing the role. Stockholm syndrome makes this even worse, as they will then defend their own rapist (while shaming themselves) as a coping mechanism. Many rape cases also are revenge acts when no rape happened at all (regardless of gender), making this even worse for actual rape victims to get a proper person to confide to. But this is another story.

Now, where do we draw the line? This is to all people who would like to condemn the OP and say "you know, your friends were right, you're a sicko". First off, all of us are 'sickos' as defined by 'fantasy fetishes' or 'kinks', otherwise we wouldn't be here. All of us are adults, many with a job, social experience, healthy mindset, and most are responsible.

The irony is many people calling you out will, in fact, be the irresponsible ones. While the kink is not healthy because it sometimes involves pain and humiliation, calling it rape is completely off. But you can't exactly change mindsets.

I did make this a bit long again. I apologize. Well shit, and the OP even had the time to post a 3D render!