Need help with story/ideas

[Ikaros01]

So I'm having difficulty executing the story for my first game.

The outline of the story is that MC is born from a wealthy but unloving family, which made him selfish, and inept in social relationships, but he can still move up in life due to his parent's money. But, everything was lost when he was isekaied to the other world, with no money, no connection, and no power. Still, he was given a faithful companion to support him with his task of saving the world.
But that doesn't change him in the slightest. He is now an even more of a pathetic scumbag that he doesn't get what he wants like in his previous life anymore. The turning point is that he kept acting like that until the companion left him, leaving him with truly nothing in the world and at his lowest. The bulk of the story will be focused on his redemption.

What I'm concerned about is how to make him a hateable person, for both the characters in the story and also to the readers, so that they can feel the moment he got hit by karma justifiable, even a little satisfactory. Should I make him a scumbag? A pervert? Both?
How long should I dwell on the 'asshole' part? Too long and the readers may get bored, but too short and they won't feel anything when he gets his karma
What comes after the redemption? I know there is still the 'save the world' part, but I'd like the story to still have a part of psychological aspect to it

TLDR: I'm writing an asshole MC that will later have his redemption, want to make him as despicable as possible so that his redemption will have an impact. How long should the 'asshole' act be, and what will happen after the redemption?

Thank you in advance!

 

[Saint Blackmoor]

One suggestion would be. Think of movies or books that have those characters in them. Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Treasure Island. Have him blame others for his behavior. Most people can't stand someone who does something terrible and then blames others for their deeds. Ebenezer Scrooge is a good template for good and evil. Loki from The Avengers is a good template.

I wish you luck with your game.

 

[Ikaros01]

One suggestion would be. Think of movies or books that have those characters in them. Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Treasure Island. Have him blame others for his behavior. Most people can't stand someone who does something terrible and then blames others for their deeds. Ebenezer Scrooge is a good template for good and evil. Loki from The Avengers is a good template.

I wish you luck with your game.

Thanks for the help! It's certainly a great idea but I have a feeling it would be hard to use the "blames others" trope multiple times when the party is only consists of 2 people. And for Loki, while he is certainly a prick, we really can't deny that he is really charming though

 

[Wreggx]

You could start things off with a kinetic intro told straight from the MC's point of view. Give players a glimpse into the MC's life without throwing them into decision-making right away. This way, they get a feel for the character without feeling forced to immediately side with a personality they might not agree with.

Then comes the classic truck-kun moment that yeets the MC to another world. This could be the perfect opportunity to hand over the power to the player: the MC, smacked by life, is now questioning every choice he's ever made. The player steps in, becoming the puppet master of the MC's mind. They can shape him however they want.

And when the players steer the MC into decisions that are completely out of character for his past self, you could break the 4th wall with comments from the MC. It adds a layer of intrigue as players essentially corrupt the MC's mind with their choices. It keeps things interesting and gives players a unique connection with the character.

Oh and of course if the player wants to play the MC exactly how he was in the past life then so be it, let them go full asshole mode and the MC will basically never find out that there is someone else in his head.

 

[Yandere kidnapper]

Oh I know! Make MC bully weak and innocent people, perhaps even people with special needs. Blackmail is also disgusting thing. Imagine him taking a pic of a lonely drunk and nude woman, who is a mother of three that just wanted to relax a little after hard life, and he blackmails her by threating showing the picture to police or uploading to the internet!
This is a simple idea, but you will make something better eventually

 

[anne O'nymous]

TLDR: I'm writing an asshole MC that will later have his redemption, want to make him as despicable as possible so that his redemption will have an impact. How long should the 'asshole' act be, and what will happen after the redemption?

I see a problem with that pitch.

A part of the members will try your game, and quit because they totally hate the MC. They'll not wait for him to see the light. One just don't watch a movie, read a book, or play a game where you hate the main character.
And then, a part of the players will quit the game when the MC will see the light, because what they like is the fact that he's an asshole.

Having despicable one, or more, character(s) in a story is one thing. Having the despicable character as main character of the story is something radically different.
If you take a story like The Silence of the Lambs, it tell the story of Hannibal Lecter, but he isn't the main character of the story. This create the distancing needed for the spectator to accept him for what he is.
This apply even more with a game, because as player you are involved into the action. At most it can possibly works as Kinetic Novel, but probably only if you don't make the character too obviously the MC.

 

[Ikaros01]

I see a problem with that pitch. A part of the members will try your game, and quit because they totally hate the MC. They'll not wait for him to see the light. One just don't watch a movie, read a book, or play a game where you hate the main character. And then, a part of the players will quit the game when the MC will see the light, because what they like is the fact that he's an asshole. Having despicable one, or more, character(s) in a story is one thing. Having the despicable character as main character of the story is something radically different. If you take a story like The Silence of the Lambs, it tell the story of Hannibal Lecter, but he isn't the main character of the story. This create the distancing needed for the spectator to accept him for what he is. This apply even more with a game, because as player you are involved into the action. At most it can possibly works as Kinetic Novel, but probably only if you don't make the character too obviously the MC.

Yeah, currently that's what I'm most concerned about. I don't want to make the despicable part too long as it will deter my target audience, but too short and players will not be able to feel the importance of his redemption.

I'm thinking of maybe putting a disclaimer at the start of the game, or maybe the asshole-ness of the MC from 100% to like 70%, but then at that point I may as well just make him into some kind of anti-hero protag

 

[AlexFenec]

I'd suggest you start the story with the MC already trying to be better and show how despicable he was via how other characters view him, how little thrust he gets and the occasionnal flashback.

I agree with AnneON, I wouldn't play a game where the MC is despicable.

This makes me think of Pervert Action Timelapse, where you wake up and have to deal with the consequences of the actions of a typical harem protagonist that took over your body for a month. The flashbacks do a great job at portraying your past self as a total jerk, the decieved love interests let you feel the consequences of his actions, but your goal is clearly redemption.

 

[MarshmallowCasserole]

I have a question. Well, two actually. Who is this newfound loyal companion, and second, have you thought making this companion playable, if not outright the new MC?

There's obvious potential within your pitch. There's obviuous room for good redemption arc, and there's conflict presuming that this companion wants the world saved (while the asshole does not, which should be his natural state). This conflict can be a good driver for dialogue. There's clear option to go with comedic stylistic here, but also a more serious tone is also possible.

 

[Impious Monk]

Jamie Lannister may work as a model arc. Also check out

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[Ikaros01]

I'd suggest you start the story with the MC already trying to be better and show how despicable he was via how other characters view him, how little thrust he gets and the occasionnal flashback.

I agree with AnneON, I wouldn't play a game where the MC is despicable.

This makes me think of Pervert Action Timelapse, where you wake up and have to deal with the consequences of the actions of a typical harem protagonist that took over your body for a month. The flashbacks do a great job at portraying your past self as a total jerk, the decieved love interests let you feel the consequences of his actions, but your goal is clearly redemption.

That's a great idea actually, but I was planning for the karma moment to be the big twist/reveal of the game. Maybe I could move the starting point up to near the start of the redemption arc (more likely) or introduce a time skip (less likely).

I have a question. Well, two actually. Who is this newfound loyal companion, and second, have you thought making this companion playable, if not outright the new MC?

There's obvious potential within your pitch. There's obviuous room for good redemption arc, and there's conflict presuming that this companion wants the world saved (while the asshole does not, which should be his natural state). This conflict can be a good driver for dialogue. There's clear option to go with comedic stylistic here, but also a more serious tone is also possible.

From what I have planned, they are going to be the deuteragonist. Here is more context on them:
In most Isekai story, the MC would be given something like a cheat skill or cheat item to help them with saving the world. This companion shares the same purpose, the difference is that they already exists before the MC came to this world and got assigned to him instead of created, and the moment they decided that the MC strays to far from what the summoning god intended, they will voluntarily leave the party
I may add an arc that focus on them, but right now my plan is to focus most of the major arcs on the MC

 

[MarshmallowCasserole]

I see. So, since they are a person and not an inanimate object, the task can be re-framed that the world can be saved only if those two work together. I can see an arc for the side-kick here. It would be natural for them to tunnel vision on the task, and be preachy, pushy, and no-fun. Which would annoy a normal person, doubly so for your narcissistic protag, so the arc would be for them to change their approach somewhat after initial failure to rein MC in.

Oh and another thing. It's not universal that people don't play as detestable MCs provided it's the right sort of detestable. Specifically, most people have no issue playing as Evil or just evil characters, especially in the adult genre. What people almost universally have a problem is whiny and passive characters, regardless of their ideological alignemnt. Even inept characters can be executed well, it's just their ineptitude has to blow back in their face on a regular basis, preferrably in a really funny way.

Bascially, what I'm saying, the character must be driven. Being an egoisitical jerk will be forgiven if the character actually does something in pursuit of his self-serving goals. But moping around, and being generally pathetic, that's poison for the audience.

 

[Synx]

I dont think making the character a complete asshole before his downfall and his redemption arc to be the best idea. It makes his downfall for sure feel like karma and deserved, but it raises the question why would the MC 'deserve' a redemption arc. He has been nothing ells than an asshole so far, fuck him.

The downfall can feel deserved, but at the same time should steer up some form of compassion/sympathy for the MC, so the redemption arc is actually something the reader would like to see.

To me the MC should be an asshole but he isn't by definition a bad person. He is just a spoiled brat who lacked love from his parents, and people mainly tolerated because he comes from a wealthy/influencial familly. He thinks he was this bigshot, but in reality nobody would give a shit about him if he wasn't rich.

This way you got an anchor point to start the redemption arc on; He is all alone, and in reality has always been but he just now realised. It's not the most original concept but it fits perfectly in what you want.

I wouldn't linger to long on the asshole part either. Since you want the main part of the story be about his redemption, lingering to long on his asshole part would just polarize your readers like anonymous mentioned; some will quit because the MC is just a dick, while others would quit when the redemption arc starts. The redemption arc should honestly start at the latest at the end of chapter 1, so it's fairy clear what kind of story this is.

For a general angle you could do something like this; Story starts after the Isekai, MC and his companion have already met. MC goes over some stories of his old lives in a flashback way; shows his rich upbringing. MC makes it sound like the best thing ever, but you could already drop hints that it wasn't great at all. Focus on material shit as example, instead of meaningfull relations. Companion could even say something like 'sounds lonely' or something, making the MC lashing out in a 'you don't know what your talking' about way. Throw in some remark of the MC how great his life was and how shit it is now in this shithole of a country with companion. To give some insight where MC is now and all.

Then just make him act like a spoiled brat for a bit. Be rude, make sexist jokes, and everything ells a spoiled brat would do (people tolerate those a lot more from rich people), but try to have some little parts that shows he isn't really a bad person.

Make up some argument between MC and companion where he leaves the companion behind. This fits better in the whole story concept with how he has always been alone; He climbed up in live by his own remarks not relying on anything, or so he think while in reality it was his family wealth and influence.

He goes on some quest or mission on his own since he is this bigshot in his head, and fails misserable. And your redemption arc would start here.

In the rest of the story he would learn how to trust, respect, and rely on other people, find love, etc. And save the world.

 

[Ikaros01]

I dont think making the character a complete asshole before his downfall and his redemption arc to be the best idea. It makes his downfall for sure feel like karma and deserved, but it raises the question why would the MC 'deserve' a redemption arc. He has been nothing ells than an asshole so far, fuck him.

The downfall can feel deserved, but at the same time should steer up some form of compassion/sympathy for the MC, so the redemption arc is actually something the reader would like to see.

To me the MC should be an asshole but he isn't by definition a bad person. He is just a spoiled brat who lacked love from his parents, and people mainly tolerated because he comes from a wealthy/influencial familly. He thinks he was this bigshot, but in reality nobody would give a shit about him if he wasn't rich.

That's a great argument, and inline with what was in my first draft. He is a good guy at heart, but misguided, but I guess I was too absorbed into trying to make the karma and redemption as grand as possible and left out the other important aspects.

This way you got an anchor point to start the redemption arc on; He is all alone, and in reality has always been but he just now realised. It's not the most original concept but it fits perfectly in what you want.

I wouldn't linger to long on the asshole part either. Since you want the main part of the story be about his redemption, lingering to long on his asshole part would just polarize your readers like anonymous mentioned; some will quit because the MC is just a dick, while others would quit when the redemption arc starts. The redemption arc should honestly start at the latest at the end of chapter 1, so it's fairy clear what kind of story this is.

In your opinion, how long should the first chapter should be, playtime wise? 1 hour? 30 min? Coupled with the world buildings that is typically included in the first part of the game, this could go out of hand pretty quick.
Or should I gradually reveal about the world building as we go in later chapters?

For a general angle you could do something like this; Story starts after the Isekai, MC and his companion have already met. MC goes over some stories of his old lives in a flashback way; shows his rich upbringing. MC makes it sound like the best thing ever, but you could already drop hints that it wasn't great at all. Focus on material shit as example, instead of meaningfull relations. Companion could even say something like 'sounds lonely' or something, making the MC lashing out in a 'you don't know what your talking' about way. Throw in some remark of the MC how great his life was and how shit it is now in this shithole of a country with companion. To give some insight where MC is now and all.

Agreed. I think that flashback is a great way to contrast the MC of the present and the past, showing how mature he has grown.

 

[Synx]

In your opinion, how long should the first chapter should be, playtime wise? 1 hour? 30 min? Coupled with the world buildings that is typically included in the first part of the game, this could go out of hand pretty quick.
Or should I gradually reveal about the world building as we go in later chapters?

An hour or so is what I'm aiming for my game. As far world building if there isn't a reason the reader should know something right away, just don't mention it yet. And it fits with the whole Isekai trope; The MC himself is new in this world, he doesn't know everything/anything. I would just stick with the minimal thats required for the story to make sense at that point, and reveal more when it comes up.

 

[Quintillian]

Interesting premise!

That said, as others have said here, making the MC despicable is the easy part. More challenging is to make it engaging for the player. No matter how good the redemption journey is, it doesn't matter if the player quits in the first ten minutes because they can't stand the MC.

If you are looking to procrastinate inspire yourself with what is in my opinion a good redemption history with its highs and lows, you should watch the show Bojack Horseman.

 

[Ikaros01]

An hour or so is what I'm aiming for my game. As far world building if there isn't a reason the reader should know something right away, just don't mention it yet. And it fits with the whole Isekai trope; The MC himself is new in this world, he doesn't know everything/anything. I would just stick with the minimal thats required for the story to make sense at that point, and reveal more when it comes up.

Seems like a great idea. Thanks for helping me!

 

[zenshiny]

In the Chronicles of Thomas Covenant (by Stephen R Donaldson), the MC wasn't rich, IIRC, but he was isekai'd, and he was an unlikable asshole for pretty much all of the first book. I recall not bothering with the rest of the series after the first book felt like a huge waste of time. But a quick glance at amazon shows that the people who stuck with it enjoyed it, so i'm assuming he redeems himself somewhere down the line.

 

[JohnF95zone]

Ikaros01
IMO you shouldn't be too worried about how others might like or hate the unlikeable MC, or how long, short that portion of the story should be. There will always be those who hate unlikeable MC ( and/or characters ) redemption or not, and there will always be those who just like really good if not great story/game. IMO, focus on that, making great story/game. Make the scenes impactful ( both the origin story and the redemption ). However, typically for adult games, what matters most is that the contents match or resonate with the targeted audiences, usually the fetish fans.

Anyway, getting back to your MC origin story, it seems to me he wasn't actually asshole/bad/scumbag person but he was raised that way ( his family, enviroment ). If you present the scenes correctly then the players can understand why he is that way and can emphatize instead of full on hatred. The redemption is not really redemption but actually "re-discovery", he will be on the journey to discover how to live life properly, the right way, or something like that. If the "re-discovery" scenes are made right then the players can be excited to see the MC character development. Of course the players who like to play bastard MC won't like it, so be sure to explicitly and clearly mention about the theme, from "bad" MC to "good" MC and there won't be bastard MC in the end or something like that.

I know you didn't specifically asked this but just fyi, I don't like isekai no matter what, but I don't care if the MC is evil or not. So yeah, all the best with your story/game. Cheers.