This right here is what I was saying.
You have a Dom route that has no Dom in it.
Everything that is said by the MC is the same throughout the whole thing, the only thing that changes is her responses to you. The light blue and purple texts from her.
So, the whole main dialogue is static for the most part... The shit Laura says while having sex is what mainly changes. Some of the shit from the friends change too.
Yup, looks really hard to put an actually Dom path in, explain it all to me all you want.
It's like in your mind her responses is what defines Dom/Sub and that is not true. It's about how the MC acts and controls or doesn't control her. If he's a sub it's like it is right now, she runs wild. If he's a dom, she would not be doing half the shit she is right now unless he is allowing her. Laura sure as shit wouldn't be telling him what to do if he's a dom.
The bar scene with options pops into my mind once again, a Dom MC would have had the option to make her wait and feel sexually frustrated, it's part of being a Dom, might even told her not to cum until she got home and he allowed her.
He might have allowed her to fuck Oliver, but he sure as shit wouldn't have told her to chose what she wanted, that's a balanced response, not Dom or Sub.
When he said no to something on the Dom path it would have been no, not I'm doing it anyway.
You painted yourself into a corner by trying to give options and trying not to give options.
This whole thing would have been much better as a KN with no choices and no talk of Dom/Bal/Sub. Because that's what it is, name one time she listened to him about anything in the whole story when he said no or not to do something (wait he never gets the option to tell her not to do something). The MC HAS to agree to everything Laura says no matter what.
Laura defines the first set of boundaries telling him she will do what she wants to do and that's it. Not on the Dom path would she have done that. Then she says she might or might not tell him about something she does. That's just borderline cheating by not telling the MC.
Then later she says we need to set up some boundaries, and that never happens.
That is why I say you made everything static but the responses when she is having sex with someone or telling him about it. You can not have a static main story line while trying to have three different paths, it doesn't work like that.
Do what you want, your story is flawed the way it is. You don't even need the MC to be honest Laura is just a little slut running around doing what she wants.
The problem is you have a group of people that are only here for the pictures and give two shits about the story. They will defend you and tell you how great everything is and blow smoke right up your ass all day long.
Then you have people like me who will tell you it's flawed, it doesn't make sense.
The choice is yours who you believe and such, but these forums are littered with people telling Devs how great their VN is all because they just want the pictures to wank off too.
Some of us want a good story too, not just AI renders I can do in 5 mins on my own machine. Yes, I do AI art too.
I see so many Devs crash and burn all because they write like shit and keep doing so because the 'I want pictures' crowd makes them feel special. They don't listen to the people actually trying to tell them it's not working or doesn't make sense. Wait for it... Wait for it... I know it's Porn Logic! Right? Of course it is.
You have the potential to have a great great story here with three different paths. You have to put the work in to make it so and it's not as simple as here is what the MC says, oh and we'll change what Laura says to make it different paths.
Let's get one thing right, Laura is not being corrupted, she was a slut to start with. She went from 0 to 60 in about 1.2 seconds, no corruption there. She goes from fucking Nathan two times to, let's get rid of the condoms, hehehe. Oh and let's start thinking about creampies too because why not. Let me get on birth control because that works 100% and protects against all forms of STDs. For how many years did she fuck the MC and always used condoms, she fucks Nathan two times and all that's out the window. Yup she loves the MC, sure... SLUT from the start.
You might not like to hear it, but this VN is dropping the ball, it's a big mess and it's not to late to fix it if you just take the time to iron out the story lines. Make some options that actually matter instead of being an illusion to choice.
Good luck, I really hope it goes well for you.
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