Incest is one of the biggest no-no's on patreon now, and they are keeping a watchful eye for any such content. I am currently in the pre-production stages of a game of my own, which will feature both incest and non-consesual, which is another thing patreon doesn't approve, so I will simply be avoiding patreon (and other funding sites) entirely, since it will free me to make the game as I feel it should be, without compromises.
If you want or need the financial backing from patreon, then I would suggest either avoiding incest or making a standalone patch, which unlocks the "real" version of the game. Keep in mind that patreon also views step-family as incest, so step-father/sister/brother/mother or whatever doesn't work either.
I personally hope we will get some patreon alternatives soon. From what i read some time ago, Sponsorion might be a viable choice, if they get their asses in gear and launch the damn site. I also know that a couple of people on this site are experimenting with the "Buymeacoffee" thing. Seems to be working alright for MrDots, so that might be worth looking at as well.
As for best 3D software, that is up to you. Honeyselect and Daz/Poser are the most used on this site, so it should probably be one of them. I personally use Daz and prefer their art over HS. It has a learning curve to it, but if you check out a few tutorials then you should quickly be able to perform the simple taks that is required to make scenes. Keep in mind that buying assets for Daz or Poser can quickly run into several thousands of dollars for a single game, depending on how many characters/clothes/enviroments and such you plan on including. Many assets can be found for free on this site if you look for it though.
As for HS, I don't really know much about how it works or what it costs. I just know that I don't really like their art style, since all their figures tends to look like they have barbie doll skin and are hard to give natural looking expressions.