After reading so many posts on cheating it has stirred up my pent-up emotions. You can feel free to ignore this post, It's just some random mumbling of a stranger on an internet forum.
Watching Ian and his anguish made me realize how bad it felt to get cheated on. I was in a 7.5-year relationship with my high school friend till my early post-university days. Like every budding relationship, everything was great. I got into a good university and she got into a different one which was far. Now we tried everything to make this work. Heck, we even made LDR work. Fast-forwarding when my uni days were over. Got busy with an internship and I decided to do my master's. So I can be a good provider if I ever want to start a family.
Lo and behold, when I was busy furthering my career. I noticed that we got into silly arguments that would leave us in a foul mood. I tried my best to juggle my initial career and studies with my relationship but God damn it was exhausting. I had no 'Me' time where I would get taken care of once in a while it was always to look out for my partner.
Well, our fights got very scarring emotionally. I didn't have time to waste because of so many duties piling up on me. I even tried getting us some quality time together, going on dates or getaways like normal couples do. I had to be very careful with my time. I felt on one of our dates that something was off, the closeness with each other was drifting apart slowly. I didn't pay much attention at that time because I was so close to finishing my master's degree. I tried to reassure her and told her to be patient with me.
People are selfish and have their own needs. After that date when I felt something was off turned out to be true, even after reassuring her and telling her that I was doing it just for us, so we could have a carefree and better future. It didn't matter to her, base desire can override a normal human psyche. That is when she got into a full-blown affair.
I caught on to her affair quite early but didn't say anything. My goal was so close and I didn't have the emotional capacity to deal with it for the time being. Yes, I got myself cucked for 3 months. This was the price I had to pay to reach my goal. After finishing my degree and landing a very good job, now I had the time to think. Stay with this selfish cheater or trouble myself with nasty emotional damage. Long-tenure relationships are hard to let go and that too with your first love. Fights were regular now and it was turning into a very toxic relationship.
One day I finally decided it was enough and it was time to set my foot down, all the sacrifices I made just for us to have a better future were all in vain. I called her up and told her that we needed to talk and she was all up in my face acting dominant. I gritted my teeth and clenched my fist so hard; the rage was unbearable. If she was physically present with me at that time, I would've done something bad like really bad and I would not be present here typing this.
They say 'silence is golden', but if you are with a cheater they take silence as a trait of being meek. When she got home, she was ready to go on again. It's funny when a diminutive-statured person acts all cocky just because they are not shown real physical strength. I lean north of 6ft that is all I have to say. I towered over her with an angry look and told her to sit down so we could talk as equals without looking up or down at each other.
I asked her calmly why was she mad at me. I gave everything she desired for even during my busiest days I'd take my time to talk to her and listen to her problems. Just because I was not physically present in bed for some nights because of my career? I was having a hard time controlling my emotions I can still feel that nauseating feeling when you are with a cheater that you are about to confront.
Long story short, I dumped her. I told her that I knew about her affair and told her to leave before I did something bad that would hurt both of us. I'll spare you the BS that my ex was rambling about. Fast forward to the present day. It still hurts sometimes when I think about it. Letting go is hard. Getting into a relationship after being hurt is such a big step. Eva did capture the turmoil of a broken heart getting into a relationship again; beautifully.
If you took your time to read through this wall. I am thankful for your time and appreciate it.