It is well written, I have just two problems with it: 1) I don't like the way the MC is forced by the script to accept the job if he's going for the moral high ground from the start. There's really no reason to say yes after you ran away the first time. If you're playing him more gray or out and out pervy, then obviously he'd say yes from the beginning or be convinced by the second meeting and then everything works perfectly. I do like the fact that there are generally a lot of off ramps along the way.
2) None of the women appeal to me. Absolutely none. So that makes it very annoying when I'm forced to pick one when I'd rather sit all these rodeos out...
Oh and 3) Killian is such a creepy asshole I wish I could push him under a bus or something (and get a medal for performing a civic service) from the very start.
Your comment is hilarious. I read it as "It is well written, I just didn't like the core concepts or plot."
Your first complaint about the visual novel is there's not an option to opt out of the entire premise of the story? What should the developers have Renpy do at that point: pop up a "Thanks for playing" message and close? Or rather the MC should give a hard pass to the job offer and go back to tutoring and studying? Renpy could just display the text of an actual physiology textbook at that point.
All three of your "two problems" with Pale Carnations seem to stem from a misunderstanding about the theme of the story. The plot is about a young man engaging in debauchery in a sex club, but the theme is his confrontation and potential reconciliation of difficult truths about himself in the face of deep-seated instinct and temptation. At the very beginning of the prologue, before you even choose player name and traits, that's heavily implied to be the focus of the novel: "Truth is, you simply can't take stock of a man's character who lives in an immutable bubble. I have simply never been given the opportunity to prove my conceited self-image right or wrong." In Freudian terms, his ego will struggle to resolve the disparity between id and superego.
It seems you're unable or just unwilling to empathetically intuit the personality, sensibilities, and backstory of Edwin (or whatever you named him). Perhaps you're unpracticed at embracement, or at least suspending disbelief, of characteristics anathema to your own, possibly because this level of commitment to a story isn't generally required in media of your prevailing choice. In the realm of visual novels, character development is usually surface-level at best, good emotional depth is avoided, and certainly the MC is commonly no more than cardboard cut-out for the player to stand behind. That's why so many games avoid even showing a face for the MC.
If you're unable to concede that being offered essentially a full-ride scholarship as well as stratospheric networking opportunities would tempt a person to reconsider ethical and legal concerns, if you're unable to believe that there could ever be a young man that would find the Carnations sexually and emotionally attractive, if you're unable to understand that the history and bond felt with an old friend might let one still feel love despite squicky behavior, then maybe you're not ready for a story like this one, or maybe it's just not for you. I imagine once you've lived more and lost more, you'll better come to appreciate the artistry in this story. I find Pale Carnations to be one of the best visual novels I've ever played, not only because of my own predilection for bdsm and power play, not only because of the fantastic writing and characters, but also for the disgust and discomfort it brings. I can't imagine reading the description of this novel, downloading it, getting through the first scene and character setup screens, then being disappointed that I don't get to play this game as a white knight.
