PUSSY KINGDOM [FINAL]
NO! Don’t you dare play this.
I don’t know what Untold Love Stories was thinking, but going from Corporate Pussy to this mess is unacceptable. It’s finishable, but it’s not a good experience. The gameplay is a mess, the story is flat and explanation is nowhere to be found. It gets a star and a review because there is effort in the graphics department and a shimmer of story. Nothing else.
STORY
You are Frunkraft.. or Fruncraft.. A horsecocked young warrior with high hopes to help his queen Elsivia in order to win her love and eventually prey on her. But darkness spreads across the land and Elsivia gets taken away. You must find the other queens of the Pussy Kingdom and convince them to unite in order to stop the Army of Darkness from destroying everything the people of PK love. That’s the good part about the game’s story.
While the creator makes an effort to write out story bits, they often fall flat because there’s no coherent progression within them. Queen Rebella asks you to be a delivery boy, Valmura simply wants your cum after you save her from a horsecocked demon, Rosalia the Nymph gets groped by a demon and your reward is a stick.. oh, and she wouldn’t mind fucking some Nymph feelings into you. Again, I make it sound pretty awesome. Trust me, it’s better in text than in execution.
You fight through the lands in nonsensical battles with armies that are icons on a screen, but you never see. You encounter duels with demons where the most dubious attack choices show up - like ‘Stroking your opponent’s penis’ and ‘Turn your ass around’ before your enemy attacks with ‘You got fucked in the mouth with cum’. There’s probably some tongue in cheek meant by the developer here, as you get a post-death screen of a big floppy orc dick getting jacked off. It’s just not funny and never immersing.
This is a story best read in pictures or not experienced at all. Maybe someone should write it out in screenshots and call it a day. If this game is remade, keep parts of the story but dump the fucking gameplay. It’s atrocious and a complete insult to the intelligence and time of the player.
PRESENTATION
Conversations and cutscenes are pretty nice. Some of the character models look really appealing in a cartoony way. The orcs are all shiny and I don’t think that’s a good look, but overall characters are pretty okay. Just not the ones in the bar, oooh no. There are some low-quality shenanigans going on there. Sad, because the bar is the most fun place in the game.
The random particles that happen as you ‘Licked the dick 23’ and ‘Held your opponents’ balls’ don’t impress. While they may look nice initially, they don’t connect to anything happening on screen and at that point, it’s just a nuisance. It’s all flash but no substance. That said, I do think the visual department is the strongest suit the developer has.
One exception though - the map user interface and user interfaces in general. This is by far some of the worst UI experience I have ever had. Things are never explained, you don’t know where to go or what will happen once you go there. It’s a mess and quite frankly, not very fun at all. But let’s get to that in gameplay…
GAMEPLAY
Just no. No. The only reason I finished this game is to tell you if it’s worth it. And it isn’t. Not even for free. The game picks up okay in the first three minutes - then hits you with a random unexplained battle and you’re stuck figuring out what to do. And that’s what you end up doing for all of the game time - figuring out what the fuck you even need to do to progress. There are no clear quest markers, no clear directions apart from a few story bits, no guides on how to beat horsecocked demons, no indication of how to strengthen your army - or that you can strengthen it at all. There is just so much BS going on that it’s not worth it.
So there are personal stats - your HP and strength - and army stats, which can be various groups which will fight against other armies. You will need both, so there’s no way to get around the grind. You can up your HP by buying food and up your strength by buying or finding gear. But the armies.. In order to get their HP and Power up, you have to press either of two buttons for a RANDOM CHANCE to receive an item that can +1 your stat. For the record, the endgame army is 666 health. You start out at 12. Good luck with grinding that random item. It will take you hours and it is super frustrating.
Did I mention it costs coin to grind items? Yes, you can go fishing and sell your stuff or go into a bar and serve cocktails to customers. The latter gameplay is ACTUALLY fun and I ended up serving guests drinks for most of the time. If he wanted to still make a buck on this, I’d repurpose the serving drinks part as a different game and build a story around it. ‘The Juice of Pussy Kingdom’, there you go. A free idea to help you out in this shitstorm of uncanny gameplay.
Is he done? No, because in conversation the damn mouse cursor disappears and I'm left looking to find the right spot to click a damn button. Did nobody playtest this? Was it that hard to bind selections to arrow keys or even number keys? It's just failing on so many basic levels that you can't help but think the developer either wanted to piss us off on purpose or is seriously handicapped in the technical department, for which he desperately needs help.
OVERALL
Don’t do it. Maybe I’ll just post some pictures on the forum so you can see what’s good about this game and keep it moving. You will lose a day of time that you could easily spend on other, more meaningful stuff. The characters are pretty fun and hot, but the gameplay is absofuckinglutely abysmal. Someone should hire this dev to do graphics and help out with storytelling, but never let this person touch a line of core game code ever again. This is beyond being unskilled - this is malpractice.
2/10
NO! Don’t you dare play this.
I don’t know what Untold Love Stories was thinking, but going from Corporate Pussy to this mess is unacceptable. It’s finishable, but it’s not a good experience. The gameplay is a mess, the story is flat and explanation is nowhere to be found. It gets a star and a review because there is effort in the graphics department and a shimmer of story. Nothing else.
STORY
You are Frunkraft.. or Fruncraft.. A horsecocked young warrior with high hopes to help his queen Elsivia in order to win her love and eventually prey on her. But darkness spreads across the land and Elsivia gets taken away. You must find the other queens of the Pussy Kingdom and convince them to unite in order to stop the Army of Darkness from destroying everything the people of PK love. That’s the good part about the game’s story.
While the creator makes an effort to write out story bits, they often fall flat because there’s no coherent progression within them. Queen Rebella asks you to be a delivery boy, Valmura simply wants your cum after you save her from a horsecocked demon, Rosalia the Nymph gets groped by a demon and your reward is a stick.. oh, and she wouldn’t mind fucking some Nymph feelings into you. Again, I make it sound pretty awesome. Trust me, it’s better in text than in execution.
You fight through the lands in nonsensical battles with armies that are icons on a screen, but you never see. You encounter duels with demons where the most dubious attack choices show up - like ‘Stroking your opponent’s penis’ and ‘Turn your ass around’ before your enemy attacks with ‘You got fucked in the mouth with cum’. There’s probably some tongue in cheek meant by the developer here, as you get a post-death screen of a big floppy orc dick getting jacked off. It’s just not funny and never immersing.
This is a story best read in pictures or not experienced at all. Maybe someone should write it out in screenshots and call it a day. If this game is remade, keep parts of the story but dump the fucking gameplay. It’s atrocious and a complete insult to the intelligence and time of the player.
PRESENTATION
Conversations and cutscenes are pretty nice. Some of the character models look really appealing in a cartoony way. The orcs are all shiny and I don’t think that’s a good look, but overall characters are pretty okay. Just not the ones in the bar, oooh no. There are some low-quality shenanigans going on there. Sad, because the bar is the most fun place in the game.
The random particles that happen as you ‘Licked the dick 23’ and ‘Held your opponents’ balls’ don’t impress. While they may look nice initially, they don’t connect to anything happening on screen and at that point, it’s just a nuisance. It’s all flash but no substance. That said, I do think the visual department is the strongest suit the developer has.
One exception though - the map user interface and user interfaces in general. This is by far some of the worst UI experience I have ever had. Things are never explained, you don’t know where to go or what will happen once you go there. It’s a mess and quite frankly, not very fun at all. But let’s get to that in gameplay…
GAMEPLAY
Just no. No. The only reason I finished this game is to tell you if it’s worth it. And it isn’t. Not even for free. The game picks up okay in the first three minutes - then hits you with a random unexplained battle and you’re stuck figuring out what to do. And that’s what you end up doing for all of the game time - figuring out what the fuck you even need to do to progress. There are no clear quest markers, no clear directions apart from a few story bits, no guides on how to beat horsecocked demons, no indication of how to strengthen your army - or that you can strengthen it at all. There is just so much BS going on that it’s not worth it.
So there are personal stats - your HP and strength - and army stats, which can be various groups which will fight against other armies. You will need both, so there’s no way to get around the grind. You can up your HP by buying food and up your strength by buying or finding gear. But the armies.. In order to get their HP and Power up, you have to press either of two buttons for a RANDOM CHANCE to receive an item that can +1 your stat. For the record, the endgame army is 666 health. You start out at 12. Good luck with grinding that random item. It will take you hours and it is super frustrating.
Did I mention it costs coin to grind items? Yes, you can go fishing and sell your stuff or go into a bar and serve cocktails to customers. The latter gameplay is ACTUALLY fun and I ended up serving guests drinks for most of the time. If he wanted to still make a buck on this, I’d repurpose the serving drinks part as a different game and build a story around it. ‘The Juice of Pussy Kingdom’, there you go. A free idea to help you out in this shitstorm of uncanny gameplay.
Is he done? No, because in conversation the damn mouse cursor disappears and I'm left looking to find the right spot to click a damn button. Did nobody playtest this? Was it that hard to bind selections to arrow keys or even number keys? It's just failing on so many basic levels that you can't help but think the developer either wanted to piss us off on purpose or is seriously handicapped in the technical department, for which he desperately needs help.
OVERALL
Don’t do it. Maybe I’ll just post some pictures on the forum so you can see what’s good about this game and keep it moving. You will lose a day of time that you could easily spend on other, more meaningful stuff. The characters are pretty fun and hot, but the gameplay is absofuckinglutely abysmal. Someone should hire this dev to do graphics and help out with storytelling, but never let this person touch a line of core game code ever again. This is beyond being unskilled - this is malpractice.
2/10
