I am sorry if this sounds upsetting, but I believe your are headed for disappointment my friend.
Congrats on the sweet 3070 btw, but the level of graphics you are aiming for ... well ... to my knowledge is above and beyond the scope of any adult game you'd find; and I think you already suspect that at some level.
Most adult games are developed by single individuals or very small teams in the hope that they would make a name for themselves and garner a following who would support them financially on Patreon/SubscribeStar.
To that end, they usually try to cast a very wide net and make their games as accessible as possible. This means easy-to-run games with low system requirements. Something that even an old laptop without a graphics card can run.
So yeah, games like Wild Life or
Carnal Instinct are basically the extent of what you can find, which are far from "ultrarealistic".
But then again, that's based on what I know. If there are such games out there, I'm curious to learn of them too.