VN - Ren'Py - RWBY Rise Of The White Fang [v0.1] [Corrhen Games]

I really liked the game. The models are beautiful, the plot is a pleasure to follow. I was afraid that the project might be abandoned, but after reading your fan fiction, I realized that you are full of enthusiasm for writing such stories. I’m really looking forward to the continuation.

This may be one of the better written and designed porn games I've had the experience of playing (and I went the extra mile to give the developer some money). Yes, it is focused on lesbian corruption, which may not be for everyone, but the developer has been very upfront about that.

When I read "plot focused game" I initially groaned. A lot of those can get a bit too wrapped up in their idea and lose the erotic focus that really makes projects like this. However, I found myself genuinely interested in the plot. The developer clearly has a pretty good understanding of how RWBY is written and paced. The writing may not be perfect, but the characters all read and act like they would normally (except possibly the main character, who I admittedly don't remember).

It basically follows the White Fang, a Faunus (beastfolk) terrorist agency getting their hands on a mind control device. The MC is a supporting character from RWBY, here rewritten to be a horny lesbian predator. She does feel a bit campy, and I question whether some of the sex scenes before she gets her hands on anyone from RWBY are really all that necessary or great. The developer does use some of those to show us how Ilia acts and how the device works.

The animation work is pretty good. The initial start screen is absolutely amazing, looking like something official. The in-game animations aren't always perfect, but they often feel like they have personality. Watching Ilia walk her hands down Blake's body in teasing anticipation is excellent. I, personally, wished we had seen a bit more of Blake in a half-dressed state (though technically she still sort of has her shirt on during things), but if every fetish were catered to in a game like this, it would get messy.

The music is kinda forgettable, but it, too, feels generally suited for the project.

Honestly, while I'm really hoping this gets properly expanded and we see more of the brainwashing scenes with the main RWBY girls, I still think this is overall an excellent game, albeit for a niche audience. If you like lesbian corruption, you'll probably like this. If you're also a fan of RWBY, you may love it like I do!

This review is for the 0.1 version of the game.

The dialogue. The dialogue is fucking terrible. That's why this is a two-star rating.

First, let's start with what I liked: The KK models are high quality and well lit, and even though most scenes are just the characters pasted over a background, I think that's a more economical approach and VN's have been doing that for years. It works. When they do move they're pretty good. The main menu showcases some rather impressive animations, which sadly don't show up anywhere else at the moment. Sound design is generally pretty good, with sound effects being used properly and with intentionality behind them. The sex scene moans could be expanded upon so it's not the same two or three moans, but as it's still early I think it's fine. The general outline of the story is very promising. It's a little weird we're using the S1-3 character models for a story set in a universe post-Salem, but it's fine. I like the ideas presented and I am interested to see how they're expanded upon. The rest of the background information is explained briefly to the reader and didn't feel clunky. The setup is short, and to the point.

You know what wasn't to the point? The dialogue. Characters talk past and around each other say lots of filler sentences that just serve to bloat the story and annoy the reader. If I can get the point of a conversation four lines in, but the conversation continues for an excruciating ninety-six more lines, I'm going to be a little heated. At best. I'm going to speed read it and skip it entirely with ctrl at worst. I wouldn't do that if the things being said were actually good, but it isn't. It's clunky, amateurish fanfiction that I highly doubt went through any kind of editorial process. The things I read went from a few decent lines to actually cringe inducing drivel. "Are you licking my pussy?" is not a good substitute for "Are you pulling my leg?". It might work if the game was written with a comedic tone, but the author seems to want this to be a more dramatic and serious story. Therefore, it's just weird. Thankfully, lines that bad only show up a few times, with most of the dialogue being mediocre filler. Characters say things that are painfully obvious and do not need to be spelled out, impeding the flow like a beaver dam. Compounding this issue is the constant cuts to internal monologues of the characters. They're very awkward and don't do anything useful to the service of the story. This is a visual novel. I can tell what a character is thinking based on those quiet lovely reactionary expressions you took the time to give the character models. A little subtlety will go a long way. Get rid of all the spots where a character thinks something but doesn't say it. It's superfluous. Especially when you've got multiple characters in a scene giving their inner thoughts to the viewer. Then it becomes messy and reads horribly. If this game is at all to succeed it will need massive re-writes. If the author reads this and takes anything away from my critiques, please cut down the length of conversations. If two characters are talking, figure out the minimum amount of dialogue required to make the scene work, and use only that.

While I liked the sound, the same can't be said about the music. It's all royalty free, which is fine now-a-days as there is plenty quality stuff to be found. It's the way it's used that is the issue. Non-energetic scenes have music that's a bit too hyphee, overly dramatic music plays for scenes that don't require that level of intensity. The h-scene/sexy music track is not good. I'd swap that one for something better, personally. For as short as this demo is the music is already repetitive. Grab a couple more tracks and it'll go a long way. Regardless, the music choices are not as bad as the dialogue and also an easier fix than that will be. Both are well worth doing.

Ironically, I want to compliment the dialogue in at least one of the sex scenes. I didn't care much for the speech patterns in the two initial yuri scenes, as the writing there was a bit odd and unnatural feeling. It's mainly because we have a character that looks fifteen talking like a forty-year old veteran dominatrix. There's only so much of my disbelief I can suspend. However, for the mind control scene I thought the dialogue was pretty effective, with some nitpicks. It's not perfect, but considering this is a hentai game, the main hentai scene is pretty solid. NTR isn't really my thing, but hypno sure as hell is. Seeing that done well gives me hope. Another thing done incredibly well is the animations. They're intimate and enthralling in just the way they should be, albeit a bit simple sometimes. There's nothing as complicated as what we see on the main menu, but I wasn't really expecting that. All the same, I was able to really get into the feeling of the final scene of the demo, which is what saves this from being a single-star review.

To round this out, I think there's promise here. But let's not delude ourselves into believing potential is the same thing or a replacement for actual talent and good writing. It's broken and messy, but with some dedication and care there can be a real gem here. We just need to knock off all the dirt and give it a thorough polishing first.

5 stars purely just for the intro menu alone. This is the first VN on this site that tried something as creative as this for their main menu. I can only encourage it in hopes of other developers attempting the same in the future.

The game definitely feels like it has a soul and wasn't made overnight to patreon farm.

genuinely a great start in a fandom that could really use more games. its defiantly an early start and theres gonna be a lot for them to do but I'm actually pretty hopeful for this game. if your a fan of the RWBY porn games then absolutely keep your eyes on this one.

Looks like a good start! The animations are nice touch to the game. This style of MC in particular pushes a lot of my buttons, so I'm liking what is there so far. Keen to see where this ends up going, so keep it up!

A really promising start. The story is fairly simple at this point, though there are a couple of interesting twists in the set-up, but the setting is pretty interesting and the protagonist is quite fun. The writing is good too, the characters all feel distinct and remain true to their canon depictions.

There's a lot of animations and nice little touches during the dialogue that really help keep things interesting (and also a main menu better than any visual novel I've ever seen), and even in 0.1 still a several well-animated sex scenes too. I guess the only problem I have with the 0.1 is there is no full corruption, just a brainwashing segment, but it is a 0.1, and the brainwashing scene is pretty extensive, so that's not really a complaint.

Not a huge amount here yet, so I'll keep it pretty brief. Check it out if you like RWBY or mind control/corruption.