The intro is written! There's 4000 words so far. It will have some dialogues but it's mostly narration. And now it's time to render, add sounds, music, and so on...
I think this is a nice but short sneak peek of a few lines so you can judge the writing quality:
"As the moon rose high in the sky and cast its silver light over the villa, Erik and Lyna slept peacefully, unaware of the storm of emotions and desires that were about to engulf them during their secluded stay on the Mediterranean paradise."
"The next morning, the sun shone brightly as it rose over the sea. Erik had woken up early, drawn outside by the allure of the island's stunning beauty."
"He found himself sitting by the pool, his eyes half-closed as he savored the tranquility of the scene before him. The water shimmered under the sunlight, and the air was filled with the sweet scent of the flowers on their garden, hanging heavy on the warm breeze."
"It was the perfect start to a day filled with promise and possibility. Little did he know that his sister would soon join him, adding a new dimension to this idyllic setting."
"Lyna emerged from upstairs wearing a towel wrapped around her slender frame. She had chosen a one-piece swimsuit for the day, hoping to enjoy some sun and relaxation in their private pool."
Okay... this is going to sound harsher than it's intended to be, so please bear with me.
I assume all these lines will have corresponding images, it won't be just text, right?
You are making a
visual novel, take advantage of this. If you can show things instead of describing them, then do it.
Many of these lines can/should be shortened if what is described is already shown.
I know, a lot of the depth of your writing may be lost, but if everything is wirtten out it makes the visuals moot and vice versa.
“
Show, don’t tell” is the most powerful tool in visual media and is unfortunately neglected far too often, even in the professional sector.
This is a good example:
"Lyna emerged from upstairs wearing a towel wrapped around her slender frame. She had chosen a one-piece swimsuit for the day, hoping to enjoy some sun and relaxation in their private pool."
In the corresponding image we can probably already see her coming down the stairs wrapped in a towel and if she is also already wearing her swimsuit, it is certainly peeking out from underneath. Should she also carrying a bottle of sunscreen and a pair of sunglasses, it's quite clear what she's up to. We already know she will go to their private pool, because we've seen Erik in the scene before sitting next to it.
So technically, this scene wouldn't even need any text.
If all these lines were without images, they'd be plenty good. So if you adapt your writing style to the medium, you will surely succeed.
