HTML Abandoned Sistersitting / Housesitting [Day 11 Scene 01] [i107760]

[i107760]

Writing is good I give you that but there are tons of erotic literature as in actual books or in e-books that does the job so much better.Heck I could even have a good time in one of those fictional sex story sites and the best part is all of them are complete.Full.You read it from start to finish.Without cg's or meaningful interactions it's just an erotic literature released like a game in piece by piece.I just don't see the point following it's development.Doesn't require much effort to make it just right tho.Some small drawings here and there,maybe a basic depiction of actions and scenes in between the paragraphs,not so detailed background cg's,a couple of background tunes etc.Small details you know just to make it more immersive.Anyhow.That's just my opinion.It's up to you.I'm sure there are many ppl would like this just the way it is.

I kind of agree, that it is somewhat more like a story than a game. However, personally, I like that there is some "interaction" required when reading it, even if there are not really any choices to be made (yet). Makes the story feel more alive for me. As for releasing it as I write it, getting feedback keeps me motivated, and let's me make changes to the story, leading to a better product when it's finished than if I had just written everything, without feedback, and released it.

As for there being tons of books/erotica that do it better, I kind of disagree. Incest plus underage erotica on asstr and places like that, is pretty scarce and often pretty badly written. And generally about father/daughter, which I don't really like. Mainstream erotica, I don't think there's much of this content, at all. Most publishers won't touch it.

 

[i107760]

fulcrum I've fixed the "hardcoded age difference with Sarah", by simply asking the player for the difference in age between him and his sister at the start of the game.

Since #2 seems to be winning the poll, the plan is to release the next update sometime tomorrow. I'll do some final editing, but I feel it's ready. For people that wanted #3 to win, please keep an eye out for me to release "v0.7.0", which will be the version that contains the entirety of day three.

 

[quicksilverer]

CUTEEEEEEEEEE *_*

Yes, you ruffle her hair in several scenes. Wanted to avoid the exact wording "headpat", because I tried to make the world immersive and thought it would break it, but you can indeed pat her head!

Is this, in fact, the perfect game? Time will tell, but I can safely say that this is already the perfect game for me.

Apart from that, all I can do is echo the compliments of the other posters. The writing is really, really good - not just the specific content but the pacing and general flow, as well. In particular I want to highlight the couple more descriptive scenes like when you're doing your homework or making dinner; a lot of writers struggle with including as much detail like this because if done poorly it can come off as very stiff and repetitive, as if you were 'reading a list', but I think you've balanced it perfectly.

Great work OP and I am happily awaiting more! (little sister really needs more hugs)

 

[Leon_Arkwing]

Does anyone have a Mega Link? I can't get the two on the OP to work.

 

[a1fox3]

Does anyone have a Mega Link? I can't get the two on the OP to work.

With such a small file dev does not need to upload it anywhere but here.

Here it is in a 7zip format.


i107760
Just zip, rar or 7zip your file and upload it directly here is you want to.

 

[i107760]

In particular I want to highlight the couple more descriptive scenes like when you're doing your homework or making dinner; a lot of writers struggle with including as much detail like this because if done poorly it can come off as very stiff and repetitive, as if you were 'reading a list', but I think you've balanced it perfectly.

I struggled too, trust me. Only with persistence and editing did I arrive at this, and I'm sure it's still not perfect.

With such a small file dev does not need to upload it anywhere but here.

Here it is in a 7zip format.


i107760
Just zip, rar or 7zip your file and upload it directly here is you want to.

Ah, did not think of that. I tried to attach the .html file, and when I couldn't, assumed F95Zone did not want to be hosting the content themselves for legal reasons. Will do this in the future, then! Thanks.

 

[herbz]

Is this game going to have branching stories, or will it be more linear with differences in scenes depending on choices?

Will there be hidden statistics (e.g. number of times lewd things happen) that will affect the availability of later scenes?

 

[i107760]

Is this game going to have branching stories, or will it be more linear with differences in scenes depending on choices?

Will there be hidden statistics (e.g. number of times lewd things happen) that will affect the availability of later scenes?

I'm not sure yet, but first it will be linear. I really suck at keeping track of multiple story lines, and would prefer to just finish the main story. I've added some bad end branches to the game so far, but they're really short. One of the ideas I have, is to make a little longer branch, that eventually leads to a (bad) end. The main problem with branching story lines for me is; 1. They either only give the illusion of choice, 2. It becomes so complex that developing it is basically impossible.

The framework for keeping track of statistics like that is there, but I'm not doing that right now. You always have all available choices, and your choices will either give bad end, a scene variation, or just be the main story.

 

[215303j]

Just played / read it. It really is pretty good!

I had some difficulty getting the patch to work (purely to satisfy my html technical interests of course!) but it did work even though the first couple of scenes it was not really consistent (kept seeing "roommate" in various places).

Have you thought about adding images? E.g. Honey Select is both easy and fast but I think it'd still improve the experience.

 

[i107760]

Just played / read it. It really is pretty good!

I had some difficulty getting the patch to work (purely to satisfy my html technical interests of course!) but it did work even though the first couple of scenes it was not really consistent (kept seeing "roommate" in various places).

Have you thought about adding images? E.g. Honey Select is both easy and fast but I think it'd still improve the experience.

Hmm, the patch did not work for you? What version did you play, the new version with the code mechanic, or the old one? With the new way, the moment you press "Activate Code." it should take you to the settings screen. If the settings screen says, "Enter how old your sister is:" instead of "Enter how old your roommate is:", then the patch should work (and work consistently).

I don't think I'll add images, probably ever, but if I ever do add images, it will be after the story is complete. I'm a fan of text-only games, and don't like spending time rendering/making images, that could be spend on advancing the story. Thanks for checking the game out.

 

[215303j]

Hmm, the patch did not work for you? What version did you play, the new version with the code mechanic, or the old one? With the new way, the moment you press "Activate Code." it should take you to the settings screen. If the settings screen says, "Enter how old your sister is:" instead of "Enter how old your roommate is:", then the patch should work (and work consistently).

Maybe that's it. I played 0.6.1. And I never saw the "Activate Code" button. I use Firefox in private mode.

 

[Deleted member 2744443]

Is it? Then why do the characters talk about, very specifically, being a professional swimmer in Tokyo.
Who in America dreams of being a professional swimmer specifically in a completely different country?

Is it? Then why do the characters talk about, very specifically, being a professional swimmer in Tokyo.
Who in America dreams of being a professional swimmer specifically in a completely different country?

People migrate, train in one country believe that professional career could be easier against competition in another country. Maybe restrictions to entry in that field in that country... Maybe family is in military, posted in another country and they follow those that support them into that other country. Just answering your specific question not necessarily defending a plot twist.

 

[i107760]

v0.6.6 is now released! Option #2 won the poll, so I have released the update. Please note that it's not as edited as a full day would be, but it also means changes to the story will be easier to make since I've still got to do a revising pass over the content. So, let me hear your feedback to improve the story. For the people that voted for #3 on the poll, you should keep an eye out for "v0.7.0", it will be the release of the full day. It will be the next update, which I hope to upload next week.

I'm also working on a SubscribeStar, on which you can follow my progress on a scene by scene basis. I will post individual scenes there just after I finish writing them, for the people that voted for #1 on the poll. I will also write some dev blog-style comments to accompany those individual scenes; to tell you what I struggled with, and to ask for feedback on elements of the scene.This will be available publicly; you do not need to subscribe to my profile to be able to do this. So if you want to help me proofread or just follow the game more closely, that option will be available for you.

I have been considering the feedback in regards to lack of choices you can make and the story being very linear, and have had some people suggest branching paths in places. If you love my game and would like to see a choice be possible somewhere to start a branching path, you can subscribe at one of the higher tiers ($10 and $25), allowing you to suggest such branching paths every month. You can keep expanding a branch, allowing you to make a unique branch for the game.
Of course, I'm not expecting many people, or any, really, to subscribe yet, but since 80+ people did vote for a frequent release cycle, I wish to accommodate that desire. I wanted to avoid doing it in this thread itself, to avoid clutter and to make organizing it easier.

Lastly, I want to thank everyone who liked, commented on or reviewed my game. Thanks a lot for your support! I hope that you will keep supporting me as I work on it, and that you will enjoy the new content.

Changelog v0.6.6 | 26028 words total:

Spoiler

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I'm looking for feedback, especially on the following points:

1. The phone calls. I struggled writing them, and considered skipping them entirely and just summarizing the calls. I'd like to know if they work as they are now, or if they need more editing/rewriting.
2. How was the pace of the new content? Did things move too fast, or was it okay?
3. Did you enjoy the new content? I'm making a poll for this, where you can rate the newly added content, I'd love if you would vote on it.

 

[Ranoyos]

Just read the new content, and I'm still impressed how smooth the writing is still. Theres a few minor grammar issues here and there, but nothing really bad stands out. (So,for example, Day 3 scene 2, near the paragraph at the bottom, i think it should be buttocks, not buttock. You usually don't see buttock refered as a single entity,in that context.)

As for the feedback:
1. I thought the phone calls were fine. Doesn't really feel like you need to summarize it or skip it, since your readers can choose to quickly skim through it, and the calls themselves were short enough anyways.
2. The pacing feels consistent enough with what you've have so far. Although I'm not really picky on details, personally.
3. Oh ho ho, the little sister is a feisty one. In particular, I liked the scene where you discovered her having fun in the shower.

 

[i107760]

Just read the new content, and I'm still impressed how smooth the writing is still. Theres a few minor grammar issues here and there, but nothing really bad stands out. (So,for example, Day 3 scene 2, near the paragraph at the bottom, i think it should be buttocks, not buttock. You usually don't see buttock refered as a single entity,in that context.)

Good to hear that you enjoyed it. Thanks for the typo report, fixed it for next release. And for the people that rated it 3 stars, I would very much like to hear your feedback, be it here in the thread or over PM.

smite2001 has provided me with a rendered, back-up image to be usable as cover. I really like it, thanks! I'll attach it to this post, as well as to a "fan art" section in the FAQ.

 

[echizen128]

A lot shorter than I thought ~50,000 words would be...but that must mean I was enjoying it!

My only criticism would be that the relationship feels relatively "off-screen". We know the characters spend a lot of time together, sure, but their day-to-day interactions feel very stiff and distant (outside of the growing sexual tension). Part of this could be their difficult upbringing, or the fact that you're having to write two very different age groups at the same time. But unless you have a definitive "tone" you're going for in their relationship, I think more playful sibling banter and teasing would give things a bit more depth.

 

[i107760]

A lot shorter than I thought ~50,000 words would be...but that must mean I was enjoying it!

My only criticism would be that the relationship feels relatively "off-screen". We know the characters spend a lot of time together, sure, but their day-to-day interactions feel very stiff and distant (outside of the growing sexual tension). Part of this could be their difficult upbringing, or the fact that you're having to write two very different age groups at the same time. But unless you have a definitive "tone" you're going for in their relationship, I think more playful sibling banter and teasing would give things a bit more depth.

That's because it's only 26k~ words The numbers in the changelog mean the total amount of words in that version, it does not mean "new words" added.

I kind of agree, but not sure how to do it better. I'm not very good at dialogue. Maybe later when I come back to the earlier days when I'm a better writer.

 

[drud]

Ok so my only complaint so far, why is she 5'6? thats tall as hell.

 

[i107760]

Ok so my only complaint so far, why is she 5'6? thats tall as hell.

She should be shorter for sure, you're entirely right. I wrote that height, intending it for the non-patch, but forgot to actually change it when you activate the patch. I'll just let the player enter it from now on, so he can choose himself depending on the age he selects, instead of just offering the default selections. She should be about 150-160cm tall, in my mind.

 

[Deleted member 2744443]

A half sister could be taller than her brother assuming genetic inheritence from the non matching parent... Allowed. Me personnally, the tallest girl I had sex with was six foot. I tried with a "m" woman that was almost my height (she was 190.5cm) but she told me teasingly that the deepest she had was in her turtle position, and that since she was married, though intrigged and licking her lips while she whispered in my ear.... she had to forgo the actual coupling with me.... ahhhh memories. You see when you are a tall male, many shorter women want to have sex with you, or even pro-create with you because they wish they were taller and figure their daughters will benefit with the taller genetic inheritence. So its ok, sixty nining with a shorter woman is near impossible, as well as awkwardness of dancing with a significantly shorter woman....