Ren'Py The Only Doe [v0.01] [Madd5]

[CatGamergrill]

Love it , Love the art style , Love the story so far , There are few bugs which can be ignored when they happen.

Can't wait to see what content you add in upcoming months

 

[Madd5]

View attachment 5625622

Just a small fan art video for the game.

The stepbrother is helping her in the kitchen at least !

Mega

This is why i need a higher VRAM gpu !

I'm fairly down with this.

I quite enjoy things with the premise of like, using sex to manage other people's anger/get things from them. From a position of inherent submissiveness/danger. It's neat. I see that that's not entirely what this is, and idk what shape the whole... pretending to be a boy thing will go down. Presumably sex will be used to keep people from revealing your deception. Sounds good. Neat.

I do have some feedback.

First the positive. I like the sandbox shape of the game. I know some prefer visual novel style things for a more streamlined quality... but I always have found them to be rather restrictive. There's less for me to engage with, typically. The quality of such experiences has to be either really high, or they better give a lot of things to do as they go along. I want variables to build n shit.

However...

I'm not exactly a fan of AI. So I'm just always going to see that as a negative. But you're trying, and you seem earnest about it, so whatever. I won't linger on the use of AI for the images. I hope the time saved is useful to you.

I will note, the writing... Look. It's awful. AI for images... ok I guess. I can see the need. Even if you can draw up a nice bit of porn, it takes forever. For an amateur work like this that requires talent in multiple realms? That can be a big ask. If you have all those skills one might wonder why you'd even waste them on making a pornographic game, when you could shoot for mainstream success.

But with writing... AI just sucks too much. Maybe eventually it'll be good enough to be passable? Though I'll still hold the opinion that anything written by an AI isn't even worth reading. Writing is just something that is so much more of a direct representation of what you intend for a story to be. A picture might be worth a thousand words or whatever, but it's also something very mechanical in instances like this. It's trying to get across specific things, like "lady has her tits out" and it can manage it without requiring a lot of your personal intent for something. The writing is there to get across to us readers what you want the story to say, where you want it to go, and what you think about the topics. This isn't like, software documentation. If you write something in a context like this, you have to put something of yourself into it or it's just work to read through. AI doesn't have anything to put into it. At best, it has some weighted values to check off. That makes it shit. It will always be shit. The only way for an AI to be good at writing stories would be for it to walk out of an actual sci-fi story, and just be an artificial person with actual thoughts and opinions.

The writing is not interesting. There's too much of it, and none if it worth reading. It's the worst of both worlds. The quality is bad, the quantity is too much. To get into specifics, I also think it's trying to give too much detail from the PoVs of the male characters. That's not necessary, though it can work. We don't need all PoVs, you can reveal what they want and why they're doing it without getting into their heads. Not knowing allows the reader to fill in the blanks, which is often better than being exact, for a number of reasons.

Written erotica is fairly difficult to make hot. In instances like this where you're not confident, I'd lean on the premise and the visuals, without lingering on the writing too much. You can become passable with just a little bit of effort. You see something hot in this, just type out what you like about it, what would be hot to you in this, or what you think would be hot to others, if you aren't into something. Literally, you CANNOT do worse than the autogen. It's limp and cold, It has no interest in the topic and It pads the script like it's trying to meet a wordcount. If you have to rely on it, at least keep it brief. Don't make us read much of it. If all the writing will ever be to you is a mechanical description of a scene, make sure that's ALL it is. It cannot replicate good writing. Don't even try.

Honestly, editing and managing an AI's writing into something passable seems like far more work than just banging something out yourself. You'd have to put in effort to do worse.

Anyway. I feel I've lingered too much on the negative. I think you're doing a good job for your first thing. It's quite competent. And ren'py isn't the easiest thing to work with when it comes to open designs like this. You also have done a LOT for a first showing. Which is commendable. Many people show up and there's fucking... nothing really. There is DEFINITELY something here. You might be trying to do a bit too much with the whole, dual premise of stuck in an abusive household (my preferred scenario, but do your thing) and the secret crossdressing thing. But hey, I see great potential. I'm looking forward to seeing how this will develop.

Best of luck to you dev, whatever your choices on the development look like. I hope you stick with it, and don't let any criticisms or negativity get to you. Especially when THIS is their source. We like to be overly entitled here.

Thank you for the detailed review of the game ! You are absolutely right about most of these things. Lots of people have been pointing out about the writing; I am not a good writer. My current workflow is writing the story without exact details then keeping the context the same add inner monologue and sensuary details (smell, taste etc ) using copilot/AI to expand. So far I have only added 1 new scene from build 0.01, and in that i have implemented mostly protagonists inner thoughts .Going forward I will limit the thoughts of other characters .

Interesting.
The art style definitely goes with the sordid circumstances you are portraying.
Though it is AI-generated, it is still a breath of fresh air after all those same-same-same characters we usually get to see.

I'd also echo the comments above from OrgansMissing.

Final thought:

Would you see yourself adding the "horror" tag?
The potential is there.

Hmm horror I'd have to think about it.The game development is gonna go for a while! I think i need 2-3 more updates just at home to sort of the mechanisms and how people are reacting to new intimacy/corruption systems etc. I want to stick with the house for the next few updates so I can lay out a framework that i can follow in the dorm with addition of variable for each character that keeps track of their suspicion of us being a woman .

 

[Madd5]

Pretty good premise and potential. Only thought is you shouldnt have killed off the mom this easily. Perhaps she could have been in a coma or something. That way when Doe is in the hostel, the brother starts working on the mom

Sorry i kinda disagree with this one , when i played other Fem protag games, and there are too many fems, it gets a bit annoying since you bonded with 1 protagonist . Either way Once you leave , he wont stay at home for long

 

[Areyouken]

Totally understand your point. It is easier to bond with one female protagonist.

However keeping the mom in a coma might work if you change your mind in the future.

1. If nothing else, she can stay in a Coma and the dad can blackmail Doe that he will pull the plug if Doe doesnt play along.
2. Or if she wakes up, the dad could be more rough with her by threatening to molest Doe if the mom doesnt play along. He could even have the mom teach sex education reluctantly to his son, and ultimately let him impregnate her (while he impregnates Doe)

Again these are just some thoughts. It's your game, however my point was to keep your options open

 

[Madd5]

Totally understand your point. It is easier to bond with one female protagonist.

However keeping the mom in a coma might work if you change your mind in the future.

1. If nothing else, she can stay in a Coma and the dad can blackmail Doe that he will pull the plug if Doe doesnt play along.
2. Or if she wakes up, the dad could be more rough with her by threatening to molest Doe if the mom doesnt play along. He could even have the mom teach sex education reluctantly to his son, and ultimately let him impregnate her (while he impregnates Doe)

Again these are just some thoughts. It's your game, however my point was to keep your options open

Those are interesting points ! I will think about this one more .
In my game when dad tries to take protagonist as replacement as his wife originally came from girls life (Qsp game )

Spoiler: SPOILER FOR GAME GIRLS LIFE

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well this is what i thought should happen but never did . So i thought i should make my own and add things i want to add etc and maybe people might like it