VN - Ren'Py - The Outong [v0.1.8] [Gon D. Eser]

V0.1.8

MC : "you asked if i can see you right? the answer is yes i can see you and i am indeed a human. Does that answer your questions?"

FC : "so you can see me and you are human too?"
FC : thinking ' hmm...this is strange. he can see me and he is also a human. this has never happened before.'

i think this short 3 click witty repartee is more than enough to justify that rating.
visually it is below average but writing is very much this devs weak point. second would be coding as i hit an error during open dialogue. been awhile since i hit a renpy error so it really stood out.
the basic premise is there but delivery is like being made to sit through an opera...or shaving with a whisk
timing of some imagery is off and way too much black screen are also minor points of improvement.
there is a little promise here if the dev nurtures their writing ability. even with average talent in writing this could do well. right now it is just a below average slideshow with way too many words saying not a lot

I actually really enjoyed the overall story of this game so far if only it was better put together. i think the models are decent. but man the writing is really hard to get through.
Some one will be giving you detail of a mission and then just random time skip during the time they would give you the details so you never have any idea what you are doing, then the next second there will be a horrible long inner monologue about something that needs no explaining.
I am assuming the dev is not a native English speaker the translations are really poor.
Almost every L.I. is hiding stuff or lying to the mc and some are just straight up annoying maybe its for a reason but this game gives very little context for everything and i mean everything, very little world building it just goes one even to the next like its a race to get the story out.
Sex scenes do not feel very organic with every girl just walking up to him asking if they can have sex with little to no buildup.
Either way i will play through this to get an idea of the game when it comes out i look forward to the dev hopefully learning along the way and i bet they could come out with some good stuff in the future.

Commits the cardinal sin of pretending to not be a Kinetic Novel when it is in fact one. I spent 10 minutes (Not exaggerating) spamming the space bar past all the one liner dialogue between all the characters at one point just to finally get to another decision. All most of the time the decisions are minor or false and there is only one outcome.

Not much good to say about this one. For starters, the font and colors are terrible. A huge portion of the game is like a flash bang, way too bright and too much white background. It also feels WAY too close up the whole game, like a person that doesn't understand the concept of personal space. The story, writing, and world building leaves much to be desired. The character models are pretty bad, and the animations are insanely basic. I went in not expecting much and got less than I expected.

Good lord, this is something else. I honestly want to spend as little time as possible with this, so I'll keep it brief.

Only positive are the visuals, but even then they just pass. It serves the purpose, that's it. The lighting is the biggest indicator of the more amateurish nature, as well as the very stilted posing.

The writing is awful. That's the only thing you need to really know. Middle schoolers have a greater grasp on the English language and how to write than whoever wrote the dialogue here. The story is extremely generic, and thus you just don't care at all what happens.

I find the models attractive. That's the last good bit I can say for the game. The sex scenes are short, maybe 2-4 renders long, usually 5 or so lines of dialogue and it's over. The writing is also bad. The MC is, according to the intro, a weak coward. He then stumbles upon a magic ring and gains magic powers. Alright, cool. About 10 minutes later he's calling out an elite member of the guild he joins, saying he's stronger than him and can beat him in a duel. Where does this confidence come from? Who knows. And that's the entire game, MC deciding for no discernable reason that he's the strongest creature in existence, and he'll never be cautious, always proclaim he's stronger than whoever is in front of him. At one point he loses his magic powers, and STILL talks shit to people who are obviously stronger than him about how he'll beat them.

Two stars - The character models are cute, and it does work.

The dialogue and the the writing is just bad. The plot beats are nonsensical and this feels like something I would have read back in fourth grade.

The premise could be interesting but the writing really really sucks.

While the visuals might not be up to par compared to the other games with full teams behind them that have spoiled peoples expectations for VN's, its still not bad. The English could be better but its not the devs first language and despite that, its still decent enough. There are plenty of girls with varied looks, lots of sex, the plot is interesting and over all its a good game. Just give it a shot and get at least an hour into it and you wont be disappointed.

The story is pretty interesting and the characters is very stylish and beautiful
And it is also a good thing that not every girl just jumpee on mc dick right away every girl have some thoughts about mc the bad thing is many character hide things from mc and don't tell him like they don't want him to got trouble but it is annoying like that i mean i can understand the reason of godess to not tell him the who she isbut other than her all the characters are just hiding things making story a little irritate i mean they will eventually get in trouble and then mc will save him and also in this update scarlet is a guild deputy and she is behaving like very stupid naive girlat the auction how can she behave like so dumb full and also the price of buying item at auction is so fking high i mean it is not that there is money system in game but still thinking the price at the auction mentioned in the story got to much high

Damn, I really like the story so far. It has great characters, so I am going to play it till the end. The character designs are good. like the scenes so far. It's great that all of the characters have different emotions. Every character has a unique story to tell. Humor and story is very good in it.

v. 0.1.4
The narrative element of this game is quite weak, though I have no doubt that this game/VN will find its reader. After all, not everyone has the talent of Le Guin or Zelazny. For me the main problem seems to be the inability to captivate the reader, very primitive plot, the impression that the target audience of this project are teenagers 14-16 years old. Yes, I remember that I am on a porn forum, and you can not demand from the things that are posted here, the level of Hemingway or Salinger, but even among the various fanfics or projects posted on this forum, you can find more talented written things. As for the graphics. The level is above average, but on my UHD monitor in full screen mode, the image compression artifacts were very annoying.
Going by the points of the five point system:
Story - 0 points
Graphics - 3 points
Lewd scenes - 2.5 points
Holding the reader's attention - 0.5 points (too boring, alas)
Total average - 1.5 points.
If this is the developer's first project, I wish him to take into account all the shortcomings of this projet, perhaps it will help him in the future.

Game is crap the combat is crap, first fight you have less than a milli second to click to raise a barrier, if you don't know how do a game then don't bother, would have like to play this but its just unplayable, so deleting it, might check again if some of the problems are sorted

Unbearably bad dialogue and story writing.

Not even an issue of being badly translated, the writing is simply childish and immature.

If feels like the barebones ideas were written down as raw ideas rather than being worked on and fleshed out.

Oh man, the writing in this game is bad, very very bad.

Gathered just few examples during my "adventure" with this game of how bad it is, spoiler alert:



Sum up.

Graphically it is not the best
Music none
Sounds xD
Story I have no idea, it's written so tragically that it probably can't be good
Character models nothing to complain
Personality of the girls, seems to be non-existent

It's better not to waste your time on this, you can quietly find hundreds of better games.

Very very VERY poorly written, and this has the combat tag, but it doesn't show any action.

My contstructive criticism is to rewrite this completely, and either write some descriptive text for the combat, or show the combat, because I'm so put off by the first 10 minutes that I don't wanna continue this.

TDLR: An absolute dumpster fire, with a very low level effort from the dev. Writing feels like it is done by a 13-year old.

Pros

• Sex early on, no need to wait for it.
  
  
• No grind.
  
  
• Sister looks good, but probably stolen asset from some other game or stock asset, most other characters are.

Cons

• Extremely bare bones backgroundstory. MC and sister is in the city to support themselves as adventurers. What an adventurer does or how it pays the bills is never explained. There is an evil guild and a good guild and the people in the guilds kill each other in open daylight, the MC executes two of the evil guildmembers as they're begging for mercy just like that. How you can get away with that in a modern city is never explained. And so on.
  
  
• Silly, immature and weird dialogue. Sometimes the dev tires of people talking, so the dialogue will be "bla bla bla" as the MC is ignoring what the LI is saying and focusing on the pussy she's flashing him for no apparant reason.
  
  
• Porn troupes and cliches to the max. Example, literally first scene is the MC telling his sister he has to go to the bathroom. Sister thinks to herself for three seconds, then she also goes to the bathroom to take a shower and is surprised to find her naked brother in the shower "I forgot, but now that I've seen what a moster cock brother has I want it in my pussy".
  
  
• Women fly to the MCs cock, no need to seduce or corrupt, they will want him the moment they lay their eyes on him, and for some reason they all get to see him naked shortly after whereby they are entranced by his huge cock.
  
  
• Ruined incest taboo, as above rule applies to sister as well, after having seen his inhumanly large cock.
  
  
• Despite every woman lusting after the MC, after the first couple of scenes sex dries up almost completely and the player have to wade through inner monologues, pointless dialogues and exposition about the world (which we despite the exposition know almost nothing about).
  
  
• Mindreading all the time. Breaks first person immersion. Also many scenes were the MC isn't present, giving the player information the MC and other characters do not have. Despite that, the dev keeps some secrets by cutting away as the characters are about to discuss a plan or topic the dev do not want the player to know about. It all feels very silly and immature.
  
  
• Grainy graphics.
  
  
• Weird and barebones surroundings with the absolute minimum of furniture (if even that), example kitchen with empty spaces instead of stoves and without any kitchen utensils. Also, some times the characters do not interact with the background. They're just superimposed above it.
  
  
• Weird view of what being chaste entails. Example: LI gives MC a handjob the very first time they meet, even before they've learned each others names, But at the same time, she's thinking "I want to fuck him since his cock is so big, but I've only just met him". So only handjob it is, the chaste thing to do before you introduce yourself to a stranger you just met. A moment later she flashes him her pussy and he pounces on her and starts fucking her "Finally I can feel his big cock inside me." Yep. Five minutes is an eternity when waiting for huge cock.
  
  
• MC cock varies in size. When taking a shower, his cock is about five times as big flacid as it is erect when he's having sex.
  
  
• Background mismatch. Sometimes it's a modern city slum. Sometimes it's an old stone path in a daisy-filled grassfield.
  
  
• Engrish.
  
  
• Weird noses. Some characters have uncanny-valley-bad noses.
  
  
• Weird poses, and a lot of talking going on while characters are frozen mid motion.
  
  
• Same information repeated over and over again, due to changing perspectives and people then telling each other or the MC things that the player has already been shown from another perspective. Very tedious.
  
  
• Few choices.
  
  
• False choices. The player is offered choices where the outcome is the same regardless which choice the player makes.
  
  
• Weird pacing. Sometimes a battle is skipped all together. Other battles last for an extremely long time.
  
  
• No blood. Despite people being killed and injured left and right, there is never any blood or visible damages.
  
  
• Young virgins have clean-shaven pussies and experienced women have full bush. In reality, it's much more likely to be the other way around.
  
  
• No nipples on one character. No biggie, just another example of what low level effort this is for the dev.
  
  
• Female owner of whorehouse is a virgin. Because every woman has to be a virgin. Heaven forbid anyone has any sexual experience before meeting the MC.

The work is getting better and better .
I've looked at this game before, but never reviewed it , the reason is because a magical story is full of Japanese girls' faces. It's so weird .
The last few updates are getting better and better. on the one hand, the image of the girl is more and more reasonable , on the other hand, the author has transformed a strange fantasy story into a good time travel story .

TLDR: Game is mediocre.

Story : 6/10 Story is pretty decent but the name issue is the writing seems some what childish which takes away from how the story plays out.

Characters : 5/10 The models lack consistence with their appearance. It looks like multiple people each made one character.

Animations and UI : 1/10 Pretty much absolute trash. The animations seem to be rendered at 10 frames and at 144p. (its not my pc these are pre rendered animations and I'm using a 3080) Also there is no opacity to the text window which in certain seen make the text illegible

Really like the game so far. FIrst off, there's no sandbox elements which is great. There is a story if you're into that, I like a story I can loosely follow with straightforward choices, which this game delivers. This game also gets one of the most important things right and that is pacing. It's not too fast, not too slow in regards to the scenes which keeps me engaged. The other thing it gets right is the models. The models for the female characters are very attractive.

Keep up the greak work author, I was pleasantly surprised by this one.

Review of [v0.1.0 Public] Wow Wow Wow! This game has a mix of all the workings of a good fantasy show rolled into one. I greatly enjoyed seeing the graphics improve from the first release through the most current version. This game has a good balance of fantasy, action, and romance. The sex scenes are well done, and as I mentioned prior the graphics had great improvement from the first release.

This was a huge impact on my rating as the beginning graphics reminded me of Renpy Games from 4-5 years ago the animations would be very grainy, as if it was a gif on loop. However, as later chapters released you can tell the DEV put a lot of effort into the storyline as well as the character development. I found myself annoyed I had to wait for the next release as the story was fast pace and truly engaged me in the story.

I highly recommend this game as there's alot of content in game that's great on top of a good foundational plot and storyline development. I hope many more games by this DEV are made in the future. Only recommendation I have for the DEV is perhaps try to include animations in this game? It was thrilling with just certain stills but I believe more animations during fight scenes would elevate this game to top tier status. This game has great potential. Until the next update DEV!