VN Ren'Py The Silver Lining [v0.8a] [Namuswill]

[Namuswill]

When you say "fictionalized version of 1940s America" will it be something like heart of iron 4 kaiserreich mod, because that would bring instresting lore to the setting.

It's more like Mafia games which i actually heavily use for reference, like it's not Los Angeles, but Empire Bay. Same here, the city game takes place in is fictional and sort of an amalgamation of both NY and LA. Basically it's a cop out for me to explain any inconsistency or justify stuff if i suddenly decide an alien invasion should take place lol As of now ... no alien invasions planned.

 

[Orphanus]

Another thing that's worth saying is that i am not a big fan of female MC games where MC becomes like a brain dead cock addict, so that's just ain't something that's gonna happen in the game regardless of where MC goes. I do plan to have a "gentelmen's club" where Mila could work and get up to no good, but regardless of how "corrupted" MC will be, i want her to remain an actual character with feelings, goals and stuff Just putting it out there for people who ARE looking for that experience. It won't be in the game.

Does that mean sexual encounters will all be depending on player choices & therefore theoretically being avoidable when it comes to stuff one doesn't enjoy?

 

[Namuswill]

Does that mean sexual encounters will all be depending on player choices & therefore theoretically being avoidable when it comes to stuff one doesn't enjoy?

Absolutely.

 

[judgenot93]

i really like what's there so far. the art looks great, the audio is fitting in nicely with the time it's set in and the general atmosphere and the writing is good enough to have me looking forward to the story you're gonna tell.

where i see room for improvement
1. you need a proofreader. while your english is completely fine, and the writing is pretty good, there's quite a few typos in there which are often easier to find for someone else than for the person who has written it. also i think you're struggling with articles (presumably because your native language is a slavic one?) - unless you're doing it on purpose to give the characters a russian/ukrainian (not entirely sure where they're from) accent, but they seem to be speaking fluently in all other aspects so it's probably the former.
2. please don't tell me how to feel about NPC's. this is in particular targeted to the scene where tommy comes into the office, starts flirting and her inner monologue suggests she's enjoying the compliments. i'm playing this for the lesbian path only and her enjoying some slimy stranger starting the conversation with "hey, beautiful" doesn't really fit the MC i want to play. your writing is good enough to just let the dialogue/actions speak for itself.

edited because you revealed where you as well as they are from while i was writing

 

[xxxRCxxx]

I was just gonna say that too. Proofreading is needed. More "Mr." instead of mister for example.

 

[Orphanus]

Absolutely.

Am very hyped for this now.

 

[Namuswill]

i really like what's there so far. the art looks great, the audio is fitting in nicely with the time it's set in and the general atmosphere and the writing is good enough to have me looking forward to the story you're gonna tell.

where i see room for improvement
1. you need a proofreader. while your english is completely fine, and the writing is pretty good, there's quite a few typos in there which are often easier to find for someone else than for the person who has written it. also i think you're struggling with articles (presumably because your native language is a slavic one?) - unless you're doing it on purpose to give the characters a russian/ukrainian (not entirely sure where they're from) accent, but they seem to be speaking fluently in all other aspects so it's probably the former.
2. please don't tell me how to feel about NPC's. this is in particular targeted to the scene where tommy comes into the office, starts flirting and her inner monologue suggests she's enjoying the compliments. i'm playing this for the lesbian path only and her enjoying some slimy stranger starting the conversation with "hey, beautiful" doesn't really fit the MC i want to play. your writing is good enough to just let the dialogue/actions speak for itself.

1. Yep, that's something i am looking into.

2. That's a very good point. I'll add this to my "to do" list, shouldn't be hard to improve on this aspect and i'll keep it mind moving forward. Thanks!

 

[Orphanus]

2. That's a very good point. I'll add this to my "to do" list, shouldn't be hard to improve on this aspect and i'll keep it mind moving forward. Thanks!

Awesome! Definitely the type of thing that is best implemented early, so there's no need to revisit everything.

 

[cleanfeel]

Another thing that's worth saying is that i am not a big fan of female MC games where MC becomes like a brain dead cock addict, so that's just ain't something that's gonna happen in the game regardless of where MC goes. I do plan to have a "gentelmen's club" where Mila could work and get up to no good, but regardless of how "corrupted" MC will be, i want her to remain an actual character with feelings, goals and stuff Just putting it out there for people who ARE looking for that experience. It won't be in the game.

That's great to hear and I think given the level dialog and art I never assumed so. Though, what kind of deprevation are you into or will put into this game? `corruption` is pretty vague. Will there be more extreme scenarios such as blackmail, rape, face fucking, anal, etc? I think all of these things can be within the flavor of the story, since these things aren't modern inventions and do occur to vulnerable girls in her situation.

I was actually thinking you'll go the "perverted landlord" route and have him teach the MC what a blowjob is. That's classic blackmail + rape.

There's "the mafia guy slapped her butt" rape, and there's full on "suck my dick for daddy's rent" rape.

1. Yep, that's something i am looking into.

2. That's a very good point. I'll add this to my "to do" list, shouldn't be hard to improve on this aspect and i'll keep it mind moving forward. Thanks!

You do not need a proofreader. In any text editor you used to write the game, such as VSCode, there are SpellCheck plugins for free that will do a better job than any persons.

 

[chunkybits5]

This looks very interesting! The art is gorgeous. Huge respect to 2D art games.

 

[bamachine]

Liking so far, please don't listen to the "gotta have non-consensual" content bullshit. There are already a bunch of those garbage games out there. I like your idea to make her more like a real woman, who might have to struggle and might have sex, even do it for money but does not just become a brainless bimbo. That also has been done far too often.

 

[N3wb_4_l1f3]

That's great to hear and I think given the level dialog and art I never assumed so. Though, what kind of deprevation are you into or will put into this game? `corruption` is pretty vague. Will there be more extreme scenarios such as blackmail, rape, face fucking, anal, etc? I think all of these things can be within the flavor of the story, since these things aren't modern inventions and do occur to vulnerable girls in her situation.

I was actually thinking you'll go the "perverted landlord" route and have him teach the MC what a blowjob is. That's classic blackmail + rape.

There's "the mafia guy slapped her butt" rape, and there's full on "suck my dick for daddy's rent" rape.


You do not need a proofreader. In any text editor you used to write the game, such as VSCode, there are SpellCheck plugins for free that will do a better job than any persons.

Strongly disagree there. Spellcheck plugins are great for a first pass but they won't always get things like articles (which is the specific issue here) or issues like, for example, the end of your sentence: "...there are SpellCheck plugins for free that will do a better job than any persons." In American English, it's odd to use "persons" there, you'd expect it to be "person," but it's spelled correctly and a grammar checker might accept it.

 

[Ethernetwork]

Strongly disagree there. Spellcheck plugins are great for a first pass but they won't always get things like articles (which is the specific issue here) or issues like, for example, the end of your sentence: "...there are SpellCheck plugins for free that will do a better job than any persons." In American English, it's odd to use "persons" there, you'd expect it to be "person," but it's spelled correctly and a grammar checker might accept it.

Yeah, proofreading is actually far more necessary than most people think. Especially for foreigners.
Sometimes sentences just feel odd, and spellcheck wouldn't ever know why.

 

[Ethernetwork]

This looks good, bookmarked. Looking forward to what it becomes.

 

[CboyC95]

Will we see any lesbian content, if so can we decide on our actions or are some situations unavoidable?

 

[Krull]

Fan Sig

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[tg]

First time seeing this game. Haven't played it yet, but I will.

What attracted my interest is the art, but also the setting. If it's set in the war years, then it's a throw back to a pretty civilized era. Polite gentlemen that will open doors for girls, and proper wooing.

But, I imagine there could be peeks into cruder themes too, bringing what passes as common his this era, but would be ahead of its time in the 1940s.

I would like a scene where, if she's to work at a gentleman's club, she might be forced to shave. Up until then, maybe she's just going natural, as most women back then would. And, shaving would be a radical step for her. I would like to see that kind of scene.

And, I think the setting is pretty intriguing. It might become my favorite story, if it plays with the elements of the era. I'll play it, and come back to comment on it.

Edit: Started playing it. I think you could play with the language difference this game. In the first scene, when they're on the boat, the father could come, and the first words from her mouth could be foreign. And, he could reprimand her, insisting that she speak in English. And then she does, and the people that play the game can understand her.

But, you could play with it too, along the way. Say, her English isn't perfect, and this and that person asks her to repeat what she's saying. There could be callbacks to how rough her English is throughout, until she starts to adopt a more central Brooklyn accent or whatever. Just thinking out loud.

 

[Namuswill]

Fan Sig
View attachment 2777064 View attachment 2777063
links:

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Oh my ... I LOVE IT. Thank you!

 

[XJ347]

Opinions are opinions, it's cool if others don't agree. It's to be expected.

• Art is good. It could be better, but significantly above average. I personally appreciate that people don't look like blow up dolls, which is WAY to common on this site.
• Last comment on art, only thing I would improve is the face detail.
• Writing quality so far is good. Like the plot, it's good, everyone makes sense and the I can see a corruption angle from her boss, or the mafia.
• One thing that needs to happen is fixing spelling errors. Make i into I. It's really small error but it's so common that it's distracting. There are other spelling mistakes too but that is the most common one. You should find someone to proofread the spelling for you. I wouldn't be surprised if someone on this site would do it for you if you asked. Many people here like to help when they can.
• I really appreciate the ambiance you created. Horn blows, music at the right spots and such.
• There seems to be a plot hole. Your boss takes you home since your father is working late, but when you get home your Dad is home. This can be easily fixed. Just say the father shift ended and went home. The boss then will take her home.
• There NEEDS to be a sex scene early in the game IMO. It doesn't have to be the main character, nor does it have to be real. It could be a dream, or she can view her neighbors having sex, but the audience needs to know how sex scenes are going to be like in this game.
• Note, I feel like sex pacing is important, and making the main character a turbo slut for the porn will ruin this game. Corruption doesn't work if it moves to fast, but there needs to be some sex to hold the audiences attention or they get bored.

Overall this is good. Now the framework of this story is REALLY strong, but without a sex scene I have no idea if this will be good. Assuming the sex scenes make sense and are well written and have good art... I think this could be an 8/10. But that is a big IF, because the game doesn't work without sex.

Good luck on your game Namuswill.

 

[AelphysTerra]

>female protag
>choices matter
>nice art
>interesting setting

This has a lot of potential. Looking forward to what you come up.