Just started playing, so keep in mind, this is based on the first hour or so of the game. The game overall seems pretty decent so far. The general arc of the story works and is compelling enough. Where it falls down is the details of the writing. The dialogue, people's reactions, etc.
It often feels forced and unnatural. People spill their life stories and admit embarrassing things to the MC the second they meet him, they speak in long, run on sentences, they move the conversation much too quickly - it all feels almost expository. It reads like a first draft, and it needs at least a couple of editing passes to get it to a good place.
My advice to the dev, if they read this, is to think about how people actually speak and react in real life, and right like that. Don't write the dialogue as a tool for exposition, write it like the characters are real people. Give them space to breathe, let them have their secrets, and let us in on them with subtle hints instead of just having the character outright tell us.
For example, the scene in the hospital (minor spoilers ahead.) I would rewrite this scene from the ground up, personally. Give the cops a real reason to think the MC is dangerous. As it stands, it makes no sense at all that they would be aggressive towards him. All he did was walk into a hospital. Real cops would never react the way they did unless the MC appeared like an active threat.
And then, instead of having Rebecca randomly spill her guts to the MC, tease it out, make her blush when she's taking his info, have her stare at him a little too long. It feels very forced and unnatural for this hospital receptionist to just start fawning over this random patient just because he's hot. People don't act like that in real life. They're subtle, they're nervous, they drop hints, they use body language and eye contact to convey interest well before they say anything out loud.
That's my two cents. The game has a lot of potential, the writing just needs some polish and some room to breathe. I also think the AI voices aren't worth the effort.
It often feels forced and unnatural. People spill their life stories and admit embarrassing things to the MC the second they meet him, they speak in long, run on sentences, they move the conversation much too quickly - it all feels almost expository. It reads like a first draft, and it needs at least a couple of editing passes to get it to a good place.
My advice to the dev, if they read this, is to think about how people actually speak and react in real life, and right like that. Don't write the dialogue as a tool for exposition, write it like the characters are real people. Give them space to breathe, let them have their secrets, and let us in on them with subtle hints instead of just having the character outright tell us.
For example, the scene in the hospital (minor spoilers ahead.) I would rewrite this scene from the ground up, personally. Give the cops a real reason to think the MC is dangerous. As it stands, it makes no sense at all that they would be aggressive towards him. All he did was walk into a hospital. Real cops would never react the way they did unless the MC appeared like an active threat.
And then, instead of having Rebecca randomly spill her guts to the MC, tease it out, make her blush when she's taking his info, have her stare at him a little too long. It feels very forced and unnatural for this hospital receptionist to just start fawning over this random patient just because he's hot. People don't act like that in real life. They're subtle, they're nervous, they drop hints, they use body language and eye contact to convey interest well before they say anything out loud.
That's my two cents. The game has a lot of potential, the writing just needs some polish and some room to breathe. I also think the AI voices aren't worth the effort.