v0.01 Rewrite
This version only contains the introductory chapter. It's got a medium length, which is nice - story-driven games are always appreciated.
The pages are textwalls. That's not a bad thing by itself, but the UI/CSS could use some work, as that bold white font over a pitch black background can get tiresome (and I say this as a dark-mode user).
The presentation of the dialogue could also be improved: maybe add different font or background colors to the lines of different characters, or a portrait. Even switching the quotation marks for italics with a different font would help.
There are a few passages with code mixed in the text:
Since there's barely a couple of images, more attention needs to be paid to the text. There's frequent grammar issues.
The following two sentences, for example:
"Sorry Mom, I have to check in the Mayor."
"Yeah, I got go Mom"
"Mom", "dad", and "mayor" are always capitalized, and like in the examples above, you often find sentences with missing words. Commas before the closing of a quotation mark are also somewhat common.
Those mistakes aren't the end of the world, but when a game is 99% text and 1% pictures and choices, they are way more noticeable.
So yeah, my top recommendations would be to throw the text into a spell/grammar checking software, and to spend a weekend working on the presentation to make it easier on the eyes.
So far there isn't much sexual content, so I wouldn't download it just yet if that's what you're looking for. You can download it if you enjoy story-driven games and want to see if this is a story that you may want to follow in the future.
This version only contains the introductory chapter. It's got a medium length, which is nice - story-driven games are always appreciated.
The pages are textwalls. That's not a bad thing by itself, but the UI/CSS could use some work, as that bold white font over a pitch black background can get tiresome (and I say this as a dark-mode user).
The presentation of the dialogue could also be improved: maybe add different font or background colors to the lines of different characters, or a portrait. Even switching the quotation marks for italics with a different font would help.
There are a few passages with code mixed in the text:
$fn$ln, $HowardBeatUp. Nothing game-breaking.Since there's barely a couple of images, more attention needs to be paid to the text. There's frequent grammar issues.
The following two sentences, for example:
"Sorry Mom, I have to check in the Mayor."
"Yeah, I got go Mom"
"Mom", "dad", and "mayor" are always capitalized, and like in the examples above, you often find sentences with missing words. Commas before the closing of a quotation mark are also somewhat common.
Those mistakes aren't the end of the world, but when a game is 99% text and 1% pictures and choices, they are way more noticeable.
So yeah, my top recommendations would be to throw the text into a spell/grammar checking software, and to spend a weekend working on the presentation to make it easier on the eyes.
So far there isn't much sexual content, so I wouldn't download it just yet if that's what you're looking for. You can download it if you enjoy story-driven games and want to see if this is a story that you may want to follow in the future.