What is Cuckolding?

[215303j]

To save myself some effort, I'll refer to the Wikipedia article on the subject, which has a lot of good points:

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A cuckold is the husband of an adulterous wife. In evolutionary biology, the term is also applied to males who are unwittingly investing parental effort in offspring that are not genetically their own.[1]

History of the term

The word cuckold derives from the cuckoo bird, alluding to its habit of laying its eggs in other birds' nests.[2][3] The association is common in medieval folklore, literature, and iconography.

English usage first appears about 1250 in the medieval debate poem The Owl and the Nightingale. It was characterized as an overtly blunt term in John Lydgate's "Fall of Princes", c. 1440.[4] Shakespeare's poetry often referred to cuckolds, with several of his characters suspecting they had become one.[3]

One often-overlooked subtlety of the word is that it implies that the husband is deceived, that he is unaware of his wife's unfaithfulness and may not know until the arrival or growth of a child plainly not his (as with cuckoo birds).[3]

The female equivalent cuckquean first appears in English literature in 1562,[5][6] adding a female suffix to the cuck.

A related word, first appearing in 1520, is wittol, which substitutes wit (in the sense of knowing) for the first part of the word, referring to a man aware of and reconciled to his wife's infidelity.[7]

Cuckoldry as a fetish

Unlike the traditional definition of the term, in fetish usage a cuckold is complicit in his (or her) partner's sexual "infidelity"; the wife who enjoys cuckolding her husband is called a cuckoldress if the man is more submissive.[12][page needed][13][14] If a couple can keep the fantasy in the bedroom, or come to an agreement where being cuckolded in reality does not damage the relationship, they may try it out in reality.[citation needed] However, the primary proponent of the fantasy is almost always the one being humiliated[citation needed], or the "cuckold": the cuckold convinces his lover to participate in the fantasy for them, though other "cuckolds" may prefer their lover to initiate the situation instead. The fetish fantasy does not work at all if the cuckold is being humiliated against their will.[15]

Theory

Psychology regards cuckold fetishism as a variant of masochism, the cuckold deriving pleasure from being humiliated.[16][17] In Freudian analysis, cuckold fetishism is the eroticization of the fears of infidelity and of failure in the man's competition for procreation and the affection of females.[citation needed] In his book Masochism and the Self, psychologist Roy Baumeister advanced a Self Theory analysis that cuckolding (or specifically, all masochism) was a form of escaping from self-awareness, at times when self-awareness becomes burdensome, such as with perceived inadequacy. According to this theory, the physical or mental pain from masochism brings attention away from the self, which would be desirable in times of 'guilt, anxiety, or insecurity', or at other times when self-awareness is unpleasant.[18]

 

[kimoo]

just a wife getting fucked by someone else
and of course the developer will force you to watch her (maybe to make people like me to explode before deleting the game)
sometimes you have to close your eyes and click, click ,click, click,click to skip this scene but it won't work because he will remind you every coming update about this :noexpression:

 

[215303j]

To avoid misinterpretation, I'd like to point out the main difference between the two definitions.

In the classical definition, there is no humiliation of the cucked husband in the bedroom. The humiliation comes from the fact that he has to raise a child that is not his. Keep in mind that in the past (when the term originated) divorce was generally not an option for various reasons.

On the other hand, in the modern / fetish definition, there does not need to be any children or impregnation. But the husband does need to humiliated.

The purpose of this thread is to clear some misconceptions that seem to come up in the discussions about NTR.

 

[DarthSeduction]

Personally, when it comes to the kink, I am in line with the "Cuckoldry as a Fetish" definition that wikipedia gives. As the theory goes it is a variant of masochism in which a person gets off on the humiliation, jealousy, and pain of watching another man please their partner. I don't think, for the kink definition, that the partner has to be married to the cuck, but they do, of course, need to have a relationship that should be exclusive. Of course, a cuck might still get off on the pain and jealousy if there isn't an exclusive relationship, but that's getting into murky waters and really turning your cuck into a bit of a creep.

I don't think that a swinger, polyamorous lover, or sadist who shares their partner is getting the same thing from swapping/sharing/or simply not imposing monogamy on their partner as a cuck is getting. As a sadist myself I can think of ways that I might share a willing sub, either in some form of humiliation punishment or as a reward for being such a good slut, depending on how the sub might take it. As someone who also doesn't really care about monogamy, I could see myself dating a woman who was seeing other guys, so long as I was allowed to see other people too, since I don't put up with jealousy in a relationship. Hell, putting thought into it, as long as she was clean, I could date a working prostitute.

The major difference between me and a cuck is the lack of jealousy, the lack of pain being felt in my partner fucking someone else. I don't really find myself to be jealous in that way. I'm not saying I'd invite an NTR scenario where a Netori comes in to take the partner away from me, because I do feel love and desire companionship, I simply don't care to enforce that companionship to be monogamous.

I should say that impregnation resulting from kink based cuckoldry is a compltetely different ball game that I haven't really considered. As a poly and a sadist who would consider sharing, I'd probably require a DNA test before I'd take care of a kid that resulted from such a relationship. I'd also consider, as a sadist, that I'd probably need to force her to use birth control if I was gonna let people creampie her. With the poly there would be less control, so the tests would be necessary, but yeah, I'm not taking care of another man's kid.

 

[Ataios]

I think both definitions can apply, depending on the context, e.g. wether you go a BDSM club or a divorce lawyer, basically any time a wife cheats on her husband. If I had to choose one definition I'd rather use the first one, because that's closer to word's origin.

I don't think the term applies to swingers or polyamorous people, as in their case, the sexual encounter with a third person is not cheating but an accepted part of the relationship. Though I might be wrong here. I personally wouldn't ever consider polyamory or swinging in any way, shape or form, so I have a difficult time understanding the mindset behind it.

 

[NandabaCanti]

There are definitely elements of both sides involved here, but the only important bit is the infidelity. If one or both parties began the relationship with an expectation of faithful exclusivity, then the betrayal of that - regardless of the partner's level of awareness of the situation - would result in them being a cuck. The details beyond that are just a matter of taste when deciding if you'd enjoy fiction/fantasy centered on such a scenario. I'm always against the corruption and watering down of words for the sake of people's feelings about them, it just makes it harder for us to communicate and understand one another.

 

[DarthSeduction]

I'm always against the corruption and watering down of words for the sake of people's feelings about them, it just makes it harder for us to communicate and understand one another.

That's just asking for tortture. Open an english dictionary, you'll rarely find a word that doesn't have more than one definition. However, context matters. If we are talking about a tag given to a game, then we aren't talking about any scenario where a wife cheats on her husband. We are talking about specific scenarios where a husband gets off on the act. If you want to still call a polyamorous person a cuck, that's fine, but context again comes into play, we know that the poly doesn't get off on it, so they're not a cuck in terms of a kink, but in terms of the fact that their wife has slept with other men since they married. And in that case, wife. A cuck in the fetish sense could be their girlfriend, but in the real definition you have to be married.

Think about it in relation to the word fetish.

an inanimate object worshiped for its supposed magical powers or because it is considered to be inhabited by a spirit.

That's the original definition. It was much later when, for lack of a better word, fetish evolved into:

a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.

You can see how they're linked. It's the abnormal degree to which this object is seemingly revered. Both of these definitions are still valid. The question is, what context are you using them in.

 

[215303j]

I think that the pregnancy is the difference between what could be an enjoyable fantasy (for some) and what is going too far.

Although I would never do it IRL, I do kind of understand the appeal of fucking people outside a normally monogamous relationship. I also understand that some people may get off by being cucked (in the fetish sense). It is about playing with very basic and deep-rooted emotions and I assume it could be "fun" for some people.

However with pregnancy, everything gets far beyond playing as it is something that cannot be undone. Somebody will be stuck with a child. LikeDarthSeduction, I would assume that most people would ask for a DNA test and refuse to acknowledge parenthood if negative. On the other hand, getting stuck with another man's child would be the ultimate humiliation...

 

[NandabaCanti]

@DarthSeduction - I get where you're coming from, but those uses of the word fetish aren't really all that far off. Sure we moved from the magical/spiritual aspects of the original by replacing them with a sexual focus, but they are still basically the same. One can even argue that sexuality is inherently intertwined with sprituality. Plus that was also a gradual transition over a long period of time that came as a natural shift in people's thinking and the majority of people agreed with the slight change in usage. What I generally take issue with (not with you, but today's society as a whole) is the movement towards redefining terms based on feelings and a desire to usurp language to further agendas (too many people read the works of Orwell and instead of seeing them as cautionary tales, they take them as instructional guides, heh). That is the sort of thing I was talking about with that last statement. We should think careful on our desire to redefine things and what motivates it, that's all.

I totally agreed with your earlier point about the distinction between poly and cuck. Which is why I made it a point to prominently focus on the infidelity as the defining trait. If both individuals agree to 3rd party couplings, then there's no infidelity going on. I would however argue that anyone who gets into a relationship and expects the other person to stay exclusive and faithful to them would be a cuck if that partner cheats on them, regardless of their feelings or awareness of the infidelity or the potential conception of any children. As long as the afflicted remains in the relationship after the cheating occurred, they will remain a cuck. That goes whether they are unwittingly the butt of the scornful jokes made at their expense by those in the know, or as a willing and informed participant in their own humiliation.

 

[DarthSeduction]

I would however argue that anyone who gets into a relationship and expects the other person to stay exclusive and faithful to them would be a cuck if that partner cheats on them, regardless of their feelings or awareness of the infidelity or the potential conception of any children. As long as the afflicted remains in the relationship after the cheating occurred, they will remain a cuck. That goes whether they are unwittingly the butt of the scornful jokes made at their expense by those in the know, or as a willing and informed participant in their own humiliation.

I would agree, but I still think that those are two different things. I think that cuckoldry is both a kink and a label. Just as a fetish is both a object that has been sexualized and an object supposedly meant to contain some sort of spiritual power. I think that while you could still call the person a cuck, it wouldn't have the same meaning as if they were into cuckoldry.

 

[215303j]

(too many people read the works of Orwell and instead of seeing them as cautionary tales, they take them as instructional guides, heh).

Off topic, but I do agree with this! XD

If both individuals agree to 3rd party couplings, then there's no infidelity going on. I would however argue that anyone who gets into a relationship and expects the other person to stay exclusive and faithful to them would be a cuck if that partner cheats on them, regardless of their feelings or awareness of the infidelity or the potential conception of any children. As long as the afflicted remains in the relationship after the cheating occurred, they will remain a cuck. That goes whether they are unwittingly the butt of the scornful jokes made at their expense by those in the know, or as a willing and informed participant in their own humiliation.

I kind of agree, but if there is infidelity only (aka cheating) this might be forgivable by the husband. It could be agreed that the wife made a mistake, it was a one-time thing, she was drunk / taken advantage off, she's sorry etc. etc. Even if the infidelity somehow becomes publicly known and the husband loses face because of it, the relationship could still be saved. But if there is a child, it stops being a one-time thing, even if the actual cheating happened only once. Hence the difference between "classic" cuckolding and cheating.

Fetish cuckolding on the other hand is also distinguishable from cheating as the husband is aware of the infidelity and does nothing to stop it even though he doesn't like it, or "pretends" that he doesn't like it.

 

[JJZ-Godd]

When it comes to Cuckold overall, I believe the key thing is that there needs to be a "net lost" of sorts where someone (the cuck), from an objective stand point, loses out. For example, a cuck is in a healthy relationship with their partner, but their partner has sex with someone else and not them, the cuck is at a "net lost" because while they're in a good relationship, they are not receiving any physical "action". So swinging, and an open relationship where both partners are "open" would not be considered as cuckold because all parties involved don't "lose".

When it comes to the fetish specifically, the "losing party" consents to having their partner have sex with others while not recieving sex themselves.

But when the "losing party" is non-willingness and/ or obliviousness of the infidelity, I would consider that as the fetishes of cheating and netorare/ NTR. The fetish of cheating being that one person in a "monogamous" relationship has sex with others but still remains and has sex with their (typically oblivious) "monogamous" partner. While Netorare is where one person outright leaves their partner to be with someone "better".