Well, it happened. My wife found a game pulled up on my system when she asked me to take care of something, then brought me Starbucks to my office that I didn't know she had gotten me. Can't recall the game, but it was a straight up threeway on the menu (btw, devs....it's nice if you can give us a SFW menu screen. Helps a lot). Honestly, it went well. I explained that all this is and she accepted it on the same level as finding porn. That being said....I'm honestly curious about what others experiences with this are. Did it go ok? Bad? Did they threaten you somehow? Asking with an honest heart.
When your SO catches your habit....
- Thread starter whizwart
- Start date
- Sep 8, 2021
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If you playing a porn game causes a crisis in your relationship, I think you need to review said relationship
- Jun 10, 2017
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Well, I know that my wife would have been mad. Not because I played such games, but due to my lack of trust. If you (plural) need to hide to your wife that you're playing such games, or just even feel the need to do it, there's something wrong in your couple. And the same in fact apply to any SO.
Either you (still plural) don't trust her/him enough, don't know her/him enough, or (s)he don't let you have what is in the end nothing more than an innocent hobby. It's not like you cheated or are playing those games with a cheating spirit.
My wife is well aware of my "hobby" for many years, although we have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy about the specifics. She knows I write and that I have branched into developing, since it's now part of the household economics.
don't recall ever having a girlfriend who had problem with porn. also I tend to tell all my worst shit on day #1 so I don't ever really even get to the situations where I'd have to hide something.
also I'm turning 50 soon, so when I tell them I like milf porn and soccer moms getting fucked, they're just happy. would probably be very different if I liked r7 stuff.
also I'm turning 50 soon, so when I tell them I like milf porn and soccer moms getting fucked, they're just happy. would probably be very different if I liked r7 stuff.
- Jun 19, 2019
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Does she have a best friend? Could use it to psychologically encourage her to have a threesome with you, her and her best friend ;-)
- Jul 20, 2018
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I know I shouldn't and it's way off topic but I just can't help myself. Most of her points are indeed good things to do to keep the bedroom alive. I mean ya ain't gonna do the special cuddles if you let your child(ren) sleep in the marital bed. I hope that is obvious to all.
On foreplay you'd have hoped everybody had gotten the message by now. (Even if we men on average need to expand what we think is foreplay and be less rushed). But I can see for those new to sex or very religious it can be good to repeat every now and again.
Of course the points I disagree with are those that are based on scripture rather than real life.
I'll start with the easy one: Point 6. She's basically telling you to not think about the pink elephant. I don't know if you recognize the following experience: Your standing somewhere dangerous (on a platform with a train incoming, near a cliff edge, walking next to an oncoming truck etc) and suddenly you imagine yourself taking that step into danger. It is the way our mind makes sure we keep ourselves save. Think of it as our own personal horror movie. It has been shown that those who try to supress those thoughts are more not less likely to do something they cannot regret anymore.
Having a fleeting thought about another person does not mean you are unfaithful. Rather than supressing it with all your might it is better to acknowledge the thought and let it go.
If the fantasy persists again supressing it is not the way to deal with it. More healthy is to look at the situation and see why you are fantasizing about someone outside of the marriage. What does it tell you and how can you address that. Maybe you need to change something and spice up your sex life and follow those other tips.
That leads me onto point 5. While it can happen that a partner has to compete with a fantasy I think most people can separate the fantasy from reality. Of course the influence of media is highly debated. Court rooms feel that juries expect better evidence in murder cases because of shows like CSI for instance. Overall it will be minor. Porn can even be a force of good in a relationship. It can serve as inspiration to change things up in the bedroom. It can be enjoyed together. Allow a partner to express interests in a way that might feel safer than explaining it or trying it out. I think it can even help when there is a mismatch in the sex-drive between partners. Whether porn has a place in a relationship depends on the partners of course and there is no right or wrong answer.
Lastly point 10 is a bit of a yes but also no situation. Of course the dialogue between partners is the most important but a high level discussion with friends about spicing things up might be okay if both partners are comfortable with it. If you both agree that a threesome would be amazing for your relationship it will even be hard not to bring it up to a third party that is not a counsellor.
- Jun 10, 2017
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"5. Say no to pornography.
Whether it’s watching lewd videos when no one’s around or reading erotic romance, porn will not improve your sex life—it will destroy it. It causes hurt and shame, and other psychological issues that lead to a lack of performance in the bedroom.
And although this has historically been a bigger issue for men, statistics show that this is an increasing problem for women. No one should have to compete with a porn star or fictional character for the attention or desire of their spouse."
Well, it's my wife who brought the most porn videos when we moved together, it always spiced up our sex life, and I never felt threatened by the fact that three of those videos were featuring Ron Jeremy. Nor did I had to compete with him to get her attention or desire.
It also haven't slowed down our sex life. It was more the opposite, and sentences like, "oh, we have done this position in a while", and other, "oh, why not try this one ?", weren't infrequent.
When done in a sane way, therefore not in secret behind your partner's back, and of course with mutual consent, porn improve your sex life, especially after years of life together. Not necessarily by spicing things, but by breaking the routine every couple end stuck in.
After years, you tend to do sex in a mechanical way, because you want to bring her pleasure, and you know that "this" works every time. Watching porn remind you that there's other moves, other positions, that the ones you now master to the perfection, and those moves and positions are more pleasurable, precisely because recently unusual.
If one feel in competition with the porn stars in the movie, there's a bigger issue in the couple than the fact that one watch porn.
- Jun 26, 2017
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I don't have a wife, but I did tell one ex-girlfriend and another I almost dated. Both were quite eccentric in their own ways.
I dated the ex on and off again for a couple of years. Started in high-school, broke up when she went to college, hooked back up afterwards. After I told her of this hobby, she asked a number of questions. I think she was generally interested in trying them herself but ultimately lost interest after my explanation and didn't care anymore.
The "almost" girlfriend was someone I talked to for months. We absolutely had feelings for one another, but religious differences were a huge issue. I'm atheist and she's pretty devout Islamic in her own way and in the end we both decided it wasn't worth the risk to our friendship after multiple philosophical and political differences. Either way, she was raised in a war torn middle eastern nation before fleeing to the US. She had a massive thing about pornography in general and generally found it disturbing. After I told her about this hobby, she made fun of me a lot lol.
I dated the ex on and off again for a couple of years. Started in high-school, broke up when she went to college, hooked back up afterwards. After I told her of this hobby, she asked a number of questions. I think she was generally interested in trying them herself but ultimately lost interest after my explanation and didn't care anymore.
The "almost" girlfriend was someone I talked to for months. We absolutely had feelings for one another, but religious differences were a huge issue. I'm atheist and she's pretty devout Islamic in her own way and in the end we both decided it wasn't worth the risk to our friendship after multiple philosophical and political differences. Either way, she was raised in a war torn middle eastern nation before fleeing to the US. She had a massive thing about pornography in general and generally found it disturbing. After I told her about this hobby, she made fun of me a lot lol.