When I had posted that other message, I had actually tried getting defeated to see what happens. My MC is only 30-ish so I could strip off her armor and just stand around waiting, it still took monsters a minute or two to beat her down, but it was tolerable.
Never got instantly killed once.
Even going to that town you mentioned in the NW part of the island, I couldn't reliably get more than 1 monster to attack me at a time and when I got defeated, the others just kind of milled around, doing nothing.
I had never really gone in for the whole stand around and wait to get beaten to death, just to get to the sexy times. I found it much more efficient to walk up behind a monster and press Y to start masturbating, they will happily come over and bang the MC without smashing the MC into the dirt first.
I couldn't ever replicate what that guy was saying was happening, which was that he would get into defeat sex with a Troll/Ogre, with 'max grit', and die instantly. My character has 10 grit points (max level I think) and I couldn't find one single monster that would kill me the instant they started having sex with them, even after I let them beat me down to -100HP. If I had been defeated and sexed up once or twice and then I lost a fight to something, I would die (like what you said), but I would only have 2 or 3 grit points available and would die instantly anyway, which is pretty much how it is supposed to work.
The only thing I can think of is that they don't actually have 'max grit', or even enough grit, when they get defeated or their save file is bugged.
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bustuf347