Review of 0.1.
Introduction
Lords, ladies, geniuses who have realized this is probably the best 5-star review you’ll ever read. I quite literally have nothing bad to tell you about this game. It is revolutionary, earth-shattering, and quite possibly the best v0.1 I’ve ever played in my life. In fact, it was so amazing that I think my stomach sank to my cock when I hit the “Chapter 1 ended” screen.
Thank god it was still erect.
Because I wasn’t done with this game yet! The first chapter, and it’s blown everything else I’ve ever read out of the water. Let me tell you, as the highly esteem and illustrious reviewer I am, I never — NEVER — write reviews for “first chapters”. That would be an insult to all those hard-working devs that dumped YEARS into their projects before being blessed by my captivating editorial presence.
But this story was just that good.
Now please stay with me while I gush about all the things that make this the next #1 AVN on this site.
This AVN succeeds where others fail
No “Wandering Protagonists”
We all know the Wandering Protagonist. The Wandering Protagonist is the protagonist that doesn’t seem to have any sort of job, commitment, or responsibility in their life other than chasing tail. Of course, we never get a reason as to why this is; instead, our writer usually give some sort of half-assed excuse like “They’re rich. They don’t need to work!” or “They just moved. Moving is stressful. They’ll work as soon as they get de-stressed”, and so our protagonist proceeds to jerk-off for the rest of the novel until the author belated writes in a job for them because “I forgot they needed to be a functioning member of society, my bad”.
On the other hand, our protagonist here is something of a “Hunting Protagonist”: it’s literally his job to hunt these girls down and make them into the high-performing volleyball team he needs for this narrative to work. There’s no bullshit about “being rich” or “just having fun” because the dude has actual stakes and responsibilities — and a job!
Sure, he could just goof off with the girls for the entirety of the plot, but then he’d lose his scholarship, his home, and any hopes of ever fixing all these crazy mental and emotional problems he’s going through. He’d be fucked. He has to “hunt”.
And yet even this MC still finds time to go to class sometimes!!!
Ridiculous really, how hard it is to find a functioning member of society in AVNs.
Did I mention the MC was handsome?
It’s the little things, really. Even just the absence of a “Wandering Protagonist” tells me the author has a decent chance of writing a good story.
That and the MC being handsome. I like handsome characters.
A “Slut Character” I like
We also all know about “the Slut Character”. The purpose of the Slut Character is to give those impatient, horny bastards that whine and whine and whine about “my porn game not having porn” something to jerk off to while creator goes to work on actually important things — like story, characters, and more sex; just higher quality sex than you get from that rushed, slut character sex job made for impatient bastards… like the dude’s who’ve already stopped reading this to go jerk-off.
Real-men jerk off to literature. In visual form. Like this AVN’s slut character.
But no, seriously, creators write these characters in to show off those sex characters and stave off impatient people, so what better way than to write a character that’s so incredibly easy to have sex with no one questions her sleeping with any random guy she meets? I usually hate these characters. These sluts.
But this character is so awesome.
Not only does she live up to the stereotype of wearing overly revealing clothing and leading with overly flirtatious advances that every horny AVN player loves to see, she’s also not just some dumb blond bimbo that doesn’t understand fun>sex.
And it’s the lack of dumb that makes her scene of bouncing off our straight-laced MC so hilarious.
“But reviewer, that still sounds like you’re describing a normal slut character to me? What makes that a normal slut character?”
Well you’re right, I haven’t been very convincing, but one big difference I can tell you about her versus other slut characters is that we actually know something about her and her accomplishments beforehand — she’s a volleyball player, a good one, and it begs the question, what is she doing slutting it up in a club all the time then? To be the slut character?
NO! SHE ACTUALLY GIVES US A DECENT ANSWER THAT SHE’S THOUGHT ABOUT FOR A WHILE — INTELLIGENTLY — AND MY RESPECT FOR HER GOES UP TEN THOUSAND PERCENT BECAUSE OF IT! HER RESPONSES, MY FRIEND, SHE PROVES TO ME SHE’S’ NOT JUST A DUMB SLUT FROM HER RESPONSES TO GENUINE QUESTIONS.
And THEN she fucks you. Not before, but after showing you that she’s a respectable human being with thoughts, feelings, and plans for her future.
Shit man, usually you have to wait the entire goddamned AVN for the Slut Character to show a modicum of intelligence or thought. At least until after the sex! This kind of writing is genre-shattering!(and I really wish it weren’t).
Goddamned, it was such a hot scene.
(Anyways, I just can’t think of a single slut character I remember by name over this girl, so if anyone can name anyone better, please, name them. She absolutely steals the show in the first chapter, and it’s absurd.)
The Creator actually directs scenes
How do I say this?
This story has such good directing that I was orgasming harder from scene-work than the sex scenes. You had that heart-to-heart with the girl on the court; you had that way that girl looked back at you, right after that teasing. Her smile was gorgeous. Those angles! That head tilt!
Then you have that way that little asian girl repeatedly blows you away with her athleticism on the streets before threatening to repeatedly crush your dick with her thighs while slowly blowing you to climax.
Okay, real talk, I got a little excited, I made that last part up.
But GOSH DARN, creator, those scenes made me so erect, and they weren’t even sexual.
But what do I mean by “actually directs scenes”, you ask? I mean that the characters consistently have facial expressions and movements that make me think they’re actually human beings and not robots trying to read off words they don’t even understand. Examples.
I lied again. My first example is a counter-example.
Fiona is probably the biggest problem among the female leads: she’s a bad girl; she takes no shit; and 90% of her scenes are just her being emotionless and bitchy. How do you do facial expression and movements with this character?
You don’t. Instead, you have her talk shit and throw hits. That’s right, this bitch doesn’t just talk, she HITS — audibly — so we don’t really need facial expressions to guess her mood.
Beauty of it is that the girl straight-up physically assaults our MC on multiple occasions, and I just found myself saying “Deserved” and “damn, she’s hot” and “Was that sound effect for that hit? Goddamn, I think I felt that!”.
Then you got slut girl. Slut girl gets naked — Spoilers!
More spoilers. Slut girl gets naked in front of the MC, but when it happens, it’s at ALL the right angles.
Imagine you’re watching the MC sit on a couch. He’s depressed, disappointed, and hanging his head because he’s realized his best chance at winning this thing is the slut girl, the girl who’s openly declared she’d rather do other things. Like slutting it up.
Great. Expected, but not what our MC wanted.
Then you see THAT ASS enter the frame. Then you see that SHIRT drop to the floor. Then you’re flipping back to the MC’s first person perspective, and you’re just thinking “Hotdamn, I don’t care anymore — JUST BRING ON THE SEX SCENE!”
I really liked that scene, and I really like slut girl.
But don’t forget tease girl. She’s also great and gets expression, but even when she doesn’t, she’s still great.
Take her one “serious” scene for example. The entire scene is her being serious and trying to show as little expression as possible to the MC, but you know how the creator decides to spice it up? Emojis. Dumbass emojis sitting in the top left corner changing to match her inner feelings in real-time.
It was so dumb. It shouldn’t work. I shouldn’t have liked it.
I LOVED IT SO MUCH. THE CHANGING EMOJI! WATCHING HER FACIAL EXPRESSIONS CATCH UP TO IT IN REAL-TIME? PRICELESS! I LOVE IT!
Yeah, great scene. I call that a director’s touch.
Anyways, I’m spoiling all the good scenes at this point, so I’m going to stop, but come on, this creator really gets the little things right, those little things that really make or break the scene with as little as one extra render.
Did I mention they actually change the camera angles too? Really, you gotta mess with the camera angles, guys. It matters so much.
He’s Handsome
The MC. He’s handsome. Not the Creator. Or maybe he is, idk. Don’t ask me. I didn’t mean it like that.
I like the renders, okay. They make the MC look handsome(I’m not GAY, just confused).
Successfully Executed “Depressed MC”
This is probably the moment where I thought this AVN actually had real potential: when the MC hit his lowest point, when the author had to get him out of it in the least cringe way possible.
I think the author succeeded. I felt there was proper build-up and everything. It was even kind of realistic! I liked it.
That’s insane. I don’t like things, I fap to them.
I just wish more writers could find that excellent balance of depression and action in an MC that this story’s writer can. In this story, at least the game gives you the option to either quit or tell the MC to stop whining when you get a choice. Whenever I choose the stop whining choice, the MC immediately stopped whining and went to work.
That’s great! More games need these kind of satisfying choices!
I’m taking my frustration out on a button, and it’s working!
Anyways, this story gave me exactly what I like to see: enough self-loathing to remind us why the MC’s situation sucks but not enough to dampen the good ol’ “porn vibes” and mess with my “mojo”.
Finally, the big “reversal” our MC has after sinking as low as possible actually makes sense due to circumstance and the amount of times I had to listen to him whine and click “not give up”. Again, I don’t want to spoil, but it was really refreshing.
You’ll love the character who pulls him out of it. She’s perfect, and I love her! 10/10. Marry me.
BANGER Music
You need some sort of music, guys. Half of my rating comes with whether or not you’ve got an absolute BANGER soundtrack playing during your sex sex scenes.
Trust me, no sex scene is good without a BANGER song. No banger, no bang. You bang me? This music BANGS, and it’ll really take you for a banger.
Get it? BANGer? In a sex scene? Get it? Please? (Tell me I’m funny, or I’ll cry).
I am serious about the music though. I liked it, and like any good soundtrack, I only really noticed it when it ratcheted up for the sex scene, lmao.
Conclusion
So in conclusion… Sike! Why the hell would I write a conclusion to a porn game review? Just play the damn game already!
Jerk-offs.
TLDR. If you can’t read my whole review, then I bet you can’t even read chapter 1 of this AVN, poopyhead.
(haha, gottem).
, sue me) and Lexi (a Firecracker through and through, almost ate our boy for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
