Ey! What it do meng! Icha boi!
Here are my current thoughts on your game. If my words sounded harsh, then I apologize in advance. That being said, my aim is to provide you with details that you can use to further improve your game.
Naturally, since I'm no pro, you can take my words with a grain of salt.
That being said, let's go!!!
[Menus and technicalities]
+Main Menu has music so that's a plus
+Main Menu does not use the base design! Another plus
-I suggest moving into .jpeg image format to save a ton of space. (You're currently using .PNG). Optimizing your game this early will save you a lot of trouble in the future.
-Choice Bombing: Lots of choices that I currently don't need to know are suddenly presented to me. To be honest I was confused at first about what should I do once I reached the 'house' portion of the game. I suggest reducing the buttons you needed to click to a single one for now and then gradually revealing the other options as the needs arise. (IE. I want to piss suddenly because the world invoked me to = You can now go to the bathroom. If stress becomes too high = The option to play guitar and fap has been unlocked.)
-As for the choice bombing in school, there are currently three events there: Study, lunch, and get wrecked in the gym. There isn't really much to do here and in the other rooms so I suggest going with the cafeteria, classroom, and gym for now as options. (The choice to go to other parts of the school will gradually unlock.
***I believe this is a case of planning and organization. The author is unsure know which part of the game to focus on: Should I go do the features or should I go with the story? This is very noticeable since a lot of the features created don't really influence the story at all. (IE. Strenght, Intellegience and Charm.)
To be honest, I haven't created a game like this yet so I can't give any accurate solution/tips for it. If anything, I suggest finishing the story of chapter one and then inserting the 'sandbox' elements later that would influence how the
chapter would end. (IE. If he goes to this place with more than 5 charm, give ending A, else give ending B.)
[Music]
+Happy to see it has music!
+Happy to see it also has sound effects!
[Effects]
+Glad to see that yer using Renpy's cropping effects!
[Plot]
For plotting, I usually cut a whole chapter into scenes and then further cut scenes into three parts:
1. Character wants X
2. But X happens
3. Therefore Character does X
This probably looks a bit stiff for story telling but it certainly is a comfortable method for ME when trying to convey something in a story. (you don't want to create scenes that don't have any purpose after all.)
Aside from that, I also cut the WHOLE story into main plots and sub-plots. This way I can keep track of the important details that might affect the character and the story.
Main:
SCENE ONE:
1. MC wants to know the issue experienced by Maggie. (His sister I think, or maybe Roomate. Or worse, LANDLADY)
2. But he can't really relate to it and he always makes the situation worse.
3. Therefore he talks to her and got forgiven partially.
*** Okay Cool Straight to the point, he wants to help this sister and he's having an issue doing it. Luckily he managed to do it in the end but only got forgiven partially. Easy to follow so far! I suppose the 2nd scene will be about him trying to find a way to make her nekomimi body acceptable right?
SCENE TWO:
I didn't really reach this stage but based on the screenshot, I think they slept on the same bed together or something? I suppose they managed to reach a point of agreement.
*** This is probably one of the harps I have about Sandbox games. I have to grind a stat to trigger an event without even knowing that there's an event. To be honest, I don't really know how to avoid this part of Sandbox games if I were to create one myself.
Maybe insert an event that would make me interested in increasing X stat, which would then trigger the character event stat? (IE. Teacher: You need to make sure you have X intelligence or you'll get morbed in the next Monday > MC grinds Int. stat and then triggers the character event with Y character and also passes the test. )
=========================
Sub-plot:
1. Character has no money so he needs a job
2. Character found a job at Koi Cafe but found the owner to also have ears.
3. Character got interested in the ears and asked about it.
*** Cool, seems like this will be used to later explained that the ears are supernatural or something.
***All in all, the plot is severely lacking due to the organization issue I've mentioned above. Since I haven't developed a 'sandbox' type of game yet, I can't really give any tips aside from finishing the story of chapter one and then applying the Sandbox later.
I can't give much input about the plot since it doesn't seem to be finished yet. Usually, I'd look for a point of conflict in the chapter but I don't think the MC quarreling with Maggie is enough to be considered a 'conflict' since she forgave him without the MC 'losing' or 'challenging' anything.
Basically, if this is chapter one, it isn't finished or fully fleshed out yet. (Unless I missed something that was said in the bed scene, I didn't really reach this part cuz I already gave up after reaching the School scene)
[Characters]
Margaret: Happy to see that she bullies and quarrels with the MC, giving them a friendly relationship. Most of the characters I see usually are suddenly attracted or have a secret crush on the MC without a proper explanation and events as to why they are in love with him.
Ezio from Assasins creed: MC is cool, seems like he's an asshole but with a heart of gold. He also doesn't have money but hey! That's fine, we can relate!
***Happy to see that the author is strong on the characterization department, I believe he should focus on creating the story, the changes, and events that would change the character as they traverse Chapter one (for now), and then apply the sandbox features later.
He definitely has writing skills and knows how to give quirks and flair to the characters, hopefully, he focuses on this part for now.
*********
All in all, I hope this helped! Looking forward to what you'll do!
