Wondering.
- Thread starter yz.vn_
- Start date
it's all good, but writing this all here is never getting you started.
this is just procrastination that's stopping you from actually making your game. if you want to actually see it become true you need to get serious and organized about it.
start today, start now. take the first step. this here is not the first step. this is like telling your buddies at a party that you're 'writing a book'.
this is just procrastination that's stopping you from actually making your game. if you want to actually see it become true you need to get serious and organized about it.
start today, start now. take the first step. this here is not the first step. this is like telling your buddies at a party that you're 'writing a book'.
- Jun 10, 2017
- 10,960
- 16,196
Funny how the note contradict the story description.
It don't suffice that the MC is charming and successful, and that he don't whim, for him to not looks like a wimp. He must also assume who he is and what he do/did, what is clearly not the case with your description.
Sorry to deceive you, but so far (including your following posts) it looks relatively generic. Especially since MC's only motive is to indulge into his depravity. Readers probably had at least two/three game names that popped up in their mind while reading you.
While it's cheap as fuck, even WVM is more innovative than what you presented of your story.
It don't suffice to have a charming successful MC to do something new, nor to have him morally evolve,
The base isn't necessarily bad, and both the game and story can end being interesting, but the way you describe it, there's absolutely not something new. It's clichés put together, possibly in a rarely used configuration, but not more.
Take the father by example.
He could have be an accountant that accepted to falsify the numbers to cover his boss sales to countries under embargo, or his boss money laundering scheme, or so many other possible illegal activities (except drugs). He could have worked for the town and be corrupted, letting some bad guys rent unhealthy places, build building, unsafe because not matching the regulations, or register plate numbers under false identities, or falsify legal document to provide strong false identities, etc. He could be a hitman, or works in a position where he have access to some secrets and have accepted to betray his country. He can also be the corrupted assistant of some influential politician, whispering advice that help his masters illegal activities.
There's hundreds of possibilities that would lead to the same absent but bossy father, involved in illegal activities that represent a possible danger for the family and the MC, and that can tears away the family, making the mother kick her husband out of the house and be fully available for the MC. But no, he's a drug dealer, like almost all the fathers involved in illegal activities in incest games.
And it's worse for the MC.
He's supposed to morally evolve, but you make him starts already full pervert. The only effective evolution is that he will indulge in his perversion instead of doing it in the secret of his room, like the wimp he is. He's supposed to be charming, successful and not a wimp, yet as said he fear who he is. He's supposed to somehow rebel against his father/parent authority, yet he's depressed because he's kicked out of school for something he did. He's the typical MC, nothing more.
This while you have Sabrina, and totally miss how much her presence can be a corruption factor. The MC could perfectly be effectively charming and successful, kicked out of school for something that isn't directly his fault. It would attract Sabrina attention, and her sole presence, coupled to what they would discover, would then make him evolve, slowly corrupting and perverting him, or not, the choice is up to the player.