Would you play this game? [2]

[TacoHoleStory]

Story pitch:
After coming back from deployment and feeling directionless, you ask your childhood friend for advice. She insists you move in with her until you can figure things out. Soon after moving in, you wake one night to a scream. On investigation, you find an intruder pinning your childhood friend to the living room floor. He sees you and flees, narrowly escaping your grasp. Questioning your childhood friend about the incident, she insists that you don’t call the police. It’s clear she’s hiding something and to keep her safe, you’ll have to uncover her secrets.

 

[Jofur]

As far as opening prologues goes it's not bad, but it wouldn't really get me to instantly download the game or anything since there are so many more important things. I need stuff like gameplay and mechanics to judge a game. I need the overall story, the characters, the types of sex-scenes, not just the opening prologue.

 

[TacoHoleStory]

As far as opening prologues goes it's not bad, but it wouldn't really get me to instantly download the game or anything since there are so many more important things. I need stuff like gameplay and mechanics to judge a game. I need the overall story, the characters, the types of sex-scenes, not just the opening prologue.

This thread is just for the story though. Could you expand on what you mean by overall story? I've kind of hinted that it'll be a story where you live with your childhood friend, figure out what she's up to and deal with the consequences of that. I imagine giving much more away would start to spoil the story.

 

[Jofur]

I imagine giving much more away would start to spoil the story.

You don't have to describe it in intimate detail. Just your overall goals with the story and the venues it might take. Will you meet a cast of colorful characters you can bang or is it a more focused romance, what types of characters might that be? Is it a hard hitting dark game that has rape/violent content or was that just the opening? Is it just a linear story based VN or does it have gameplay? What type of sex-scenes can I expect, and how frequent will they be? What type of fetishes might you cater too?
Those are the types of answers that get me interested in a game. That and good looking screenshots.

I hope I don't come of too much like an asshole. Sorry.

 

[TacoHoleStory]

You don't have to describe it in intimate detail. Just your overall goals with the story and the venues it might take. Will you meet a cast of colorful characters you can bang or is it a more focused romance, what types of characters might that be? Is it a hard hitting dark game that has rape/violent content or was that just the opening? Is it just a linear story based VN or does it have gameplay? What type of sex-scenes can I expect, and how frequent will they be? What type of fetishes might you cater too?
Those are the types of answers that get me interested in a game. That and good looking screenshots.

I hope I don't come of too much like an asshole. Sorry.

No you didn't at all, I just needed more information. I think what you've mentioned here would be outside of the story pitch and in a separate paragraph for the game pitch - which i agree is important. I've kind of written this as if it's a rough pitch for a book or movie.

For example, the summary for the first harry potter book on amazon: Harry Potter has never even heard of Hogwarts when the letters start dropping on the doormat at number four, Privet Drive. Addressed in green ink on yellowish parchment with a purple seal, they are swiftly confiscated by his grisly aunt and uncle. Then, on Harry's eleventh birthday, a great beetle-eyed giant of a man called Rubeus Hagrid bursts in with some astonishing news: Harry Potter is a wizard, and he has a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The magic starts here!

It tells you where the story will eventually take place, what his personal journey will be and hints at the plot's conflict with his aunt and uncles attitude, which seems roughly the same amount of info as I've alluded to in my pitch - although it's rough and not in the same sort of format yet.

 

[Pretentious Goblin]

I don't play games based on story tbh. Nor images. Fetishes and gameplay are what I care about most.

 

[Hagatagar]

Harry Potter has never even heard of Hogwarts [...] by his grisly aunt and uncle. [...] on Harry's eleventh birthday [...] Harry Potter is a wizard, and he has a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The magic starts here!

This few parts of this summary gives enough information to capture the interest of the target audience (kids and young teens).

Who is the protagonist? A young teenager who has dominating and kinda evilish relatives, which implies he doesn't live a good life.
What's gonna happen? He is going to enter a world full of magic, which he didn't know about before and it will be a school setting.
Does it say anything about a plot? Nope, but that does not matter. The whole plot around the Philosopher's Stone is just a

You must be registered to see the links

and takes up only a small portion of the story, since it's about discovering and finding your way in the magical world.

As Jofur stated, there is some information missing from your summary to give the game more appeal.
I assume that it will be a porn game (after all, we are on F95zone) and at least there should be some hints about what kind of kinks(tags) one could expect.

 

[Jofur]

I think what you've mentioned here would be outside of the story pitch and in a separate paragraph for the game pitch - which i agree is important.

Fair enough. If it's just a story preview and you have more game information along with it then I think it's fine. Just be aware that me and indeed many people will rarely play a game because of the story summary, so it's worth highlighting the other stuff I mentioned front and center as well.

 

[anne O'nymous]

Just be aware that me and indeed many people will rarely play a game because of the story summary, so it's worth highlighting the other stuff I mentioned front and center as well.

Personally, when looking at the opening of the thread for a game I haven't tried before, I :

• Look at the tags ;
  Is there a content that will make me try the game whatever the quality/story/style ?
  Is there a content that will make me avoid the game whatever the quality/story/style ? Like by example "gay" or "female protagonist" only and no "lesbian".
• Look at the screenshots ;
  It's not really about the quality (unless it's really bad) but more about the interest they trigger.
• The comments on the first page ;
  Exception of the (now too frequent) "promising" and "there's 'this' I'll [not] download it", they give you an overall idea of the game.
• If it's not the first share here, the comments on the last page ;
  Put in parallel with the ones on the first page, it give you an overview of how the games evolved.

And it's only then that I look at the plot summary, which rarely make me decide to download a game, but can make me decide to not do it because it looks plain boring.


To make a comparison with other medias, the pitch for Lynch's Dune, and the one for Villeneuve's Dune are the same, but the movies are radically different and will please different public.

 

[Deleted member 1536527]

I don't play games based on story tbh. Nor images. Fetishes and gameplay are what I care about most.

Yeah, unfortunately most games here have this habit of doing huge info-dumps or exposition, and dialogue that goes nowhere. I often find myself clicking through at a rate of 1000 clicks/second until I get to something that excites me (you know, the "adult" part of these supposed "adult" games).

 

[Pretentious Goblin]

Yeah, unfortunately most games here have this habit of doing huge info-dumps or exposition, and dialogue that goes nowhere. I often find myself clicking through at a rate of 1000 clicks/second until I get to something that excites me (you know, the "adult" part of these supposed "adult" games).

Yeah, I pretty much skip everything until I can see whether the game has a fetish "hook" to it that I can enjoy. Then if it does, I can start to get invested. I haven't even watched the intro to some of my favorite games.

 

[NukaCola]

Sorry but I have to voted Meh. If she is hiding something from me and don't want my help. Why should I bother? Out of my kindness for a childhood friend? Nah.

 

[おい！]

 

[TacoHoleStory]

Yeah, unfortunately most games here have this habit of doing huge info-dumps or exposition

Yeah, I pretty much skip everything until I can see whether the game has a fetish "hook" to it that I can enjoy. Then if it does, I can start to get invested. I haven't even watched the intro to some of my favorite games.

This is part of the reason I started developing my own game. Info dumps are quite easy to avoid if you're writing conscientiously, especially outside of the complex world building in sci-fi and fantasy. The dialogue in most games is verbose and unrealistic, and you could cut at least fifty percent of the dialogue and have the exact same story.

Hopefully the extra effort I make to create a good story will be good for those who want it, although it sounds like most people have given up hope.

 

[rk-47]

Ok so the intruder wasnt raping her then, he must be after her for some reason, what does she know about the intruder?

 

[Deleted member 1536527]

This is part of the reason I started developing my own game. Info dumps are quite easy to avoid if you're writing conscientiously, especially outside of the complex world building in sci-fi and fantasy. The dialogue in most games is verbose and unrealistic, and you could cut at least fifty percent of the dialogue and have the exact same story.

Hopefully the extra effort I make to create a good story will be good for those who want it, although it sounds like most people have given up hope.

The key idea I feel like that most writers overlook, and this might be a controversial take here, is that the writing is focused on the Story, and the erotic content is sort of tacked-on, or only happens "as a natural evolution" of the story. I've seen people play Olympic grade mental gymnastics to try and justify this mode of writing.

The problem I think is that most of these writers here come from traditional non-erotic novel writing. I am a complete advocate of "at the center of porn games, should be porn", and everything else, even if they are story elements, should be there to emphasize and aid the porn/erotic element of it. People don't like to admit this but 90% of the people that play these games, don't give a rats ass about your characters tragic background or any of these other deep philosophical explorations etc. they play to jack-off to their fantasies, or explore their fetishes, not to get immersed in these stories (unless the story and the porn is intimately intertwined). I would go as far as to say that every beat or every scene in your game along with the dialogues must have an erotic back-drop to it, otherwise get rid of it. And yes I realize I might hold a rather extreme view in this regard.

Now the original intro you posted, I'm sorry, is one of those things I would skip through at a lightning pace, unless there was some fetish explicitly being explored or was somehow otherwise sexy in nature. Because I just don't care.

 

[TacoHoleStory]

The key idea I feel like that most writers overlook, and this might be a controversial take here, is that the writing is focused on the Story, and the erotic content is sort of tacked-on, or only happens "as a natural evolution" of the story. I've seen people play Olympic grade mental gymnastics to try and justify this mode of writing.

The problem I think is that most of these writers here come from traditional non-erotic novel writing. I am a complete advocate of "at the center of porn games, should be porn", and everything else, even if they are story elements, should be there to emphasize and aid the porn/erotic element of it. People don't like to admit this but 90% of the people that play these games, don't give a rats ass about your characters tragic background or any of these other deep philosophical explorations etc. they play to jack-off to their fantasies, or explore their fetishes, not to get immersed in these stories (unless the story and the porn is intimately intertwined). I would go as far as to say that every beat or every scene in your game along with the dialogues must have an erotic back-drop to it, otherwise get rid of it. And yes I realize I might hold a rather extreme view in this regard.

Now the original intro you posted, I'm sorry, is one of those things I would skip through at a lightning pace, unless there was some fetish explicitly being explored or was somehow otherwise sexy in nature. Because I just don't care.

I started with the lewd situation and then built the story around it. The attack is directly related to the first major lewd scene you see in a way you probably wouldn't expect.

Based on what I've seen in other posts, the amount of people looking for story is around 50% with a large percentage ontop of that being open to story but undecided.

I personally hate games where your characters only goal is to be a creep and have sex, it pulls me out of the game and makes it less enjoyable. Real people aren't like that. However, having realistic goals for your character forces you to build a story that isn't just a sloppy porn set up.

 

[paust.alex]

Sounds like NTR and the rape theme is too obvious here. I would get away from such childhood friend , if she doesn't want to go to the police, that's her problem, let her deal with it herself. That's why I'll have no desire to uncover the truth. Maybe she is a pervert and enjoys these constant intrudions?

 

[Jofur]

I am a complete advocate of "at the center of porn games, should be porn", and everything else, even if they are story elements, should be there to emphasize and aid the porn/erotic element of it.

I do somewhat agree with you. To me the best motivation is the promise of banging/romancing a character. Not solving a murder or running a business. It's fine to have those things in the game, but I want to solve a murder because I know it will let me sleep with someone by doing so.

As a side note, I also dislike it when games go way too far in that direction and make every aspect of the world related to porn in some way. Like I don't need all the female cop characters in the game to be dressed as strippers, every poster be a softcore pin-up model, or have every fantasy temple be a sex cult. Often the sexiest option for me is just the world being believable and immersive. Makes the actual sex feel more impactful and rewarding. Not just "here I go fucking yet another slut in this sex-crazed society where porking is the only thing people care about!".

 

[Deleted member 1536527]

I do somewhat agree with you. To me the best motivation is the promise of banging/romancing a character. Not solving a murder or running a business. It's fine to have those things in the game, but I want to solve a murder because I know it will let me sleep with someone by doing so.

As a side note, I also dislike it when games go way too far in that direction and make every aspect of the world related to porn in some way. Like I don't need all the female cop characters in the game to be dressed as strippers, every poster be a softcore pin-up model, or have every fantasy temple be a sex cult. Often the sexiest option for me is just the world being believable and immersive. Makes the actual sex feel more impactful and rewarding. Not just "here I go fucking yet another slut in this sex-crazed society where porking is the only thing people care about!".

I agree with pretty much everything you have said. To your last point, I agree that with what you described at the end there is too comic and gimmicky and can become ridiculous very quick (that's why I usually prefer fantasy settings in games over real-world ones, because the idea of a tribe of amazons obsessed with sex isn't too far off ). But the point I was trying to make was that there should (almost) always be "tension", "implication', an "aura"?? (idk the word) of eroticism even in mundane actions or conversations that are not directly related to adult content themselves.

Personally though, I would pick a game with porn in every action over one that has 2 sex scenes for every 10 chapters and thinks its the next Oscar winner or something.