Duck Face Simulator, Hug Simulator, and Cheap Drama Everywhere All the Time (A Piece of Trash So Ridiculous It’s Almost Funny)
Introduction: A Circus of Digital Clownery
This game is such a grotesque, absurdly ridiculous nightmare that I’m torn between disgust and disbelief while questioning the sanity of the AVN community. I get that for some, this might’ve been their first game on the site, and there’s this so-called “nostalgic attachment”—but let’s be real, that’s like being fond of a dried-up shit just because it was the first one you ever dropped. WVM is such an absolute, intelligence-insulting piece of garbage that it should’ve been abandoned by its second version, thrown into a digital landfill, and sealed with a ritual to never haunt anyone again. But, shockingly, this circus of crap struck gold in the community, with thousands of clowns throwing money at it while talented devs, who actually know what they’re doing, can barely afford a loaf of bread. Seriously, anyone who supports this nonsense must have a brain so rotten it could be used as plant fertilizer.
Story: An Unintentional Comedy
The “story”—if you can even call this narrative diarrhea a story—starts with you as a basketball star, the nation’s top recruit, who, for some logic-defying reason, decides to go to a school that doesn’t even know if it’ll have enough players to field a team. Seriously, what kind of decision is that? I couldn’t help but smirk at the idea of the MC sitting at his computer, picking this school, and thinking, “Yeah, sounds like a great idea!”. He “trains” basketball in scenes so pathetic they feel like a poorly done comedy skit, and there’s one exhibition match that’s as relevant as a mosquito on your window. After that, basketball vanishes from the game faster than your will to live, and what’s left is a harem of lobotomized girls whose sole purpose is to worship you and spread their legs for no reason at all. The MC is the only dude in the entire story, and almost every woman he crosses paths with is either fuckable or turns into a love interest—except for his family, because, well, patreon policies. It’s like the game said, “Screw basketball, let’s turn this into a cult where the MC is the messiah and every girl is a devoted slut ready to kneel and lick the ground he walks on 24/7.”
Characters: A Cast of Clowns
The MC is, without a doubt, one of the most insufferable characters I’ve ever seen. He’s an overprotective dumbass who spends the entire game hugging a thousand different women—most of whom are so generic I couldn’t even keep track of them, and I didn’t even want to, because, my God, what a waste of time. And the scenes? A horror show that had me shaking my head in disbelief. In one, he carries girls around because he “doesn’t want to wake them up”. Man, what the fuck is this? I pictured the MC walking around with 20 girls dangling from his arms like a grocery bag carrier, and I couldn’t believe how utterly moronic that is. Another scene has 20 girls lying in the same bed with the MC, as if that’s normal. His girlfriend, forcibly shoved onto the protagonist by the game’s stupid writing, is the dumbest, most spineless cuckquean in existence, sharing him with literally everyone because, apparently, that’s her only purpose. Not even the most pathetic cuckquean on the planet would stoop to standards this low. It’s all so poorly written, so devoid of effort, that it feels like a fifth-rate vintage porn—without the fun parts and with twice the secondhand embarrassment. I couldn’t help but scoff imagining the dev typing this and thinking, “Wow, what a masterpiece!”
Dialogue: A Festival of Nonsense
And the dialogue? A monotonous, nonsensical festival that makes you want to hang yourself with your mouse cable—or, in my case, laugh, because it’s so pathetic. 95% of the interactions boil down to: “Oh, MC, you’re so cool, handsome, and talented, please fuck me!” The girls in this game act like they’ve been lobotomized the second they meet the MC. They have no personality, no motivation, no FUCKING ANYTHING except an unhealthy obsession with him. This isn’t an AVN; it’s a shameless porn game with a “story” that makes you want to gouge your eyes out—or just roll your eyes at how ridiculous it is. And the worst part: it’s LONG as fuck. You can skip most of the dialogue and miss nothing because there’s no development, no jokes, no interesting distractions, no smart characters, NOTHING. I kept clicking non-stop, begging for a moment of relief, a single line of dialogue that wouldn’t make me want to jump off a cliff. But nope, it’s just an endless void that made me sick—and at the same time, had me shaking my head at how shit it all is.
Design: A Visual Nightmare Come to Life
And the design? Welcome to Duck Face Simulator. Every girl has these ridiculous duck lips, as if the developer has a bizarre fetish for duck faces and decided that’s sexy. I couldn’t help but smirk again imagining the dev sitting at their computer, rendering these lips, and thinking, “Wow, this is the peak of sexiness!”. They already have hips wide enough to look like caricatures, and now I’m just waiting for the next step: feathers and wings, because clearly, the dev is heading that way. And the MC? A faceless doll who, at one point, had a BLACK BOX for a face. A fucking BLACK BOX, for fuck’s sake! I shook my head in disbelief imagining the MC with a box on his head, like a shitty Minecraft cosplay gone wrong. That’s the level of effort we’re dealing with here, and I can’t decide if I’m disgusted or just baffled by the audacity of releasing something this atrocious.
Conclusion: A Piece of Trash That’s Almost Funny
If you just want pure, brain-dead porn, WVM delivers. But if you care about story, characters, or anything beyond a parade of brainless girls begging for the MC, you’re in for an awful experience. This game is a cheap, boring, nonsensical soap opera where no one acts like a human being, and the only motivation any character has is to jump the player’s dick. It’s embarrassing, and I honestly don’t know how anyone can get through this endless, monotonous dialogue without laughing—or, in my case, without shaking my head in disbelief. In the end, WVM doesn’t know what it wants to be. It’s a basketball game with no basketball, a AVN with no story, and a harem that’s more like a creepy cult. If you cut out the basketball part and made the MC a cult leader hypnotizing women in college, it would still be a load of crap but at least it would make more sense. But as it is? It’s just… shameful. A waste of time, space, and digital oxygen. How this struck gold in the community, I’ll never understand. You’d have to be a complete clown to pay for this while talented devs can barely get support. In an ideal world, WVM would’ve been abandoned in its second version and forgotten forever. But, as I said, we live in a circus, and this game is the leading clown with a glorious duck face.
Final Score: -10/10. Play it if you want a mental breakdown—or just a good laugh at how pathetic it is.
Introduction: A Circus of Digital Clownery
This game is such a grotesque, absurdly ridiculous nightmare that I’m torn between disgust and disbelief while questioning the sanity of the AVN community. I get that for some, this might’ve been their first game on the site, and there’s this so-called “nostalgic attachment”—but let’s be real, that’s like being fond of a dried-up shit just because it was the first one you ever dropped. WVM is such an absolute, intelligence-insulting piece of garbage that it should’ve been abandoned by its second version, thrown into a digital landfill, and sealed with a ritual to never haunt anyone again. But, shockingly, this circus of crap struck gold in the community, with thousands of clowns throwing money at it while talented devs, who actually know what they’re doing, can barely afford a loaf of bread. Seriously, anyone who supports this nonsense must have a brain so rotten it could be used as plant fertilizer.
Story: An Unintentional Comedy
The “story”—if you can even call this narrative diarrhea a story—starts with you as a basketball star, the nation’s top recruit, who, for some logic-defying reason, decides to go to a school that doesn’t even know if it’ll have enough players to field a team. Seriously, what kind of decision is that? I couldn’t help but smirk at the idea of the MC sitting at his computer, picking this school, and thinking, “Yeah, sounds like a great idea!”. He “trains” basketball in scenes so pathetic they feel like a poorly done comedy skit, and there’s one exhibition match that’s as relevant as a mosquito on your window. After that, basketball vanishes from the game faster than your will to live, and what’s left is a harem of lobotomized girls whose sole purpose is to worship you and spread their legs for no reason at all. The MC is the only dude in the entire story, and almost every woman he crosses paths with is either fuckable or turns into a love interest—except for his family, because, well, patreon policies. It’s like the game said, “Screw basketball, let’s turn this into a cult where the MC is the messiah and every girl is a devoted slut ready to kneel and lick the ground he walks on 24/7.”
Characters: A Cast of Clowns
The MC is, without a doubt, one of the most insufferable characters I’ve ever seen. He’s an overprotective dumbass who spends the entire game hugging a thousand different women—most of whom are so generic I couldn’t even keep track of them, and I didn’t even want to, because, my God, what a waste of time. And the scenes? A horror show that had me shaking my head in disbelief. In one, he carries girls around because he “doesn’t want to wake them up”. Man, what the fuck is this? I pictured the MC walking around with 20 girls dangling from his arms like a grocery bag carrier, and I couldn’t believe how utterly moronic that is. Another scene has 20 girls lying in the same bed with the MC, as if that’s normal. His girlfriend, forcibly shoved onto the protagonist by the game’s stupid writing, is the dumbest, most spineless cuckquean in existence, sharing him with literally everyone because, apparently, that’s her only purpose. Not even the most pathetic cuckquean on the planet would stoop to standards this low. It’s all so poorly written, so devoid of effort, that it feels like a fifth-rate vintage porn—without the fun parts and with twice the secondhand embarrassment. I couldn’t help but scoff imagining the dev typing this and thinking, “Wow, what a masterpiece!”
Dialogue: A Festival of Nonsense
And the dialogue? A monotonous, nonsensical festival that makes you want to hang yourself with your mouse cable—or, in my case, laugh, because it’s so pathetic. 95% of the interactions boil down to: “Oh, MC, you’re so cool, handsome, and talented, please fuck me!” The girls in this game act like they’ve been lobotomized the second they meet the MC. They have no personality, no motivation, no FUCKING ANYTHING except an unhealthy obsession with him. This isn’t an AVN; it’s a shameless porn game with a “story” that makes you want to gouge your eyes out—or just roll your eyes at how ridiculous it is. And the worst part: it’s LONG as fuck. You can skip most of the dialogue and miss nothing because there’s no development, no jokes, no interesting distractions, no smart characters, NOTHING. I kept clicking non-stop, begging for a moment of relief, a single line of dialogue that wouldn’t make me want to jump off a cliff. But nope, it’s just an endless void that made me sick—and at the same time, had me shaking my head at how shit it all is.
Design: A Visual Nightmare Come to Life
And the design? Welcome to Duck Face Simulator. Every girl has these ridiculous duck lips, as if the developer has a bizarre fetish for duck faces and decided that’s sexy. I couldn’t help but smirk again imagining the dev sitting at their computer, rendering these lips, and thinking, “Wow, this is the peak of sexiness!”. They already have hips wide enough to look like caricatures, and now I’m just waiting for the next step: feathers and wings, because clearly, the dev is heading that way. And the MC? A faceless doll who, at one point, had a BLACK BOX for a face. A fucking BLACK BOX, for fuck’s sake! I shook my head in disbelief imagining the MC with a box on his head, like a shitty Minecraft cosplay gone wrong. That’s the level of effort we’re dealing with here, and I can’t decide if I’m disgusted or just baffled by the audacity of releasing something this atrocious.
Conclusion: A Piece of Trash That’s Almost Funny
If you just want pure, brain-dead porn, WVM delivers. But if you care about story, characters, or anything beyond a parade of brainless girls begging for the MC, you’re in for an awful experience. This game is a cheap, boring, nonsensical soap opera where no one acts like a human being, and the only motivation any character has is to jump the player’s dick. It’s embarrassing, and I honestly don’t know how anyone can get through this endless, monotonous dialogue without laughing—or, in my case, without shaking my head in disbelief. In the end, WVM doesn’t know what it wants to be. It’s a basketball game with no basketball, a AVN with no story, and a harem that’s more like a creepy cult. If you cut out the basketball part and made the MC a cult leader hypnotizing women in college, it would still be a load of crap but at least it would make more sense. But as it is? It’s just… shameful. A waste of time, space, and digital oxygen. How this struck gold in the community, I’ll never understand. You’d have to be a complete clown to pay for this while talented devs can barely get support. In an ideal world, WVM would’ve been abandoned in its second version and forgotten forever. But, as I said, we live in a circus, and this game is the leading clown with a glorious duck face.
Final Score: -10/10. Play it if you want a mental breakdown—or just a good laugh at how pathetic it is.