- May 22, 2017
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As if most Hollywood movies make more sense or have less plot holes.
Give the guy a break. It's his first story to write. Sure, it's full of plot holes and while I do agree with a few issues you pointed at, several of them aren't any better than the story you're critcizing.
What deeper meaning were you searching for?
It is a melodrama because this is clearly what it's meant to be. Cheap? Compared to what and how? Is it because you got it without paying a cent?
Yes, you're not the first one to notice some inconsistencies and plot holes.
Security cameras are there to see if there's anyone moving or doing something on the guarded territory. They're rather useless at providing an identity of an intruder, whichever angle or distance they're positioned at, if the intrusion is planned and the intruder is not drugged out of his mind or a complete moron. Wearing a simple ski mask makes identification impossible at any angle and distance.
Sure, there could have been some hidden pinhole cameras around the entrance(s) and maybe in some other places around the face level, but considering the little coverage that they are able to get a recognizable facial image from, you simply can't cover a larger area with them and getting an intruder to show up on one and be recognizable is pure luck.
What makes you think that there weren't any of such cameras? The intruder just didn't happen to stumble on one. It's not like the story describes how many cameras and where there were. Bad luck.
Well, it's what we have. Maybe he's not the most connected guy you could find, but considering the predatory environment quite well described in the story, maybe excusable? Even one of his trusted aquantances turned out to be a bad guy.
Orly?!
I'm sure you could find much-much worse, would you put any effort in it. IMHO, most of them on F95 are.I'm quite surprised you could finally find something positive
And now we're getting to the two points where all your "criticism" got inspired from and what makes it "the worst story ever" in your opinion.
You couldn't find enough to fap to!
A.K.A. the usual complaining of the horny fappers hoping to find the amount of porn they were looking for: "No sex scenes! Worst story ever!"
First and foremost: the story is unfinished! Don't tell me you didn't notice?
The second most important point is that this isn't a porn game! It's a romantic story with some erotic content, this is why the thread got tagged with the current list of tags by the moderators. It contains these themes to be tagged, mostly as a warning, but the story isn't revolving or concentrating around them.
And there are more sex scenes planned for the future, if DB is ever able to continue with it again (whining about how bad everything is, likely won't encourage him to continue), but it clearly will never-ever be a porn game or a fap fest. This much should be clear after getting through less than a half of the existing story already.
Complaining that this is not a game full of porn at this point would be like complaining in a restaurant that there's no fast food available. After recognizing that it's not a fast food "restaurant".
And there actually are two sex scenes in the game: one on Lucy's path and one on the no-one's path with Kaylah, so you can't even claim that there are only teases without being factually incorrect.
Yeah, THAT is the most important for you. You feel like there's NTR in it. This is why you tried so hard to find as many other flaws to call it the "worst story ever"
It's not like Emma is MC's girlfriend or even a LI from the start, so this isn't NTR even remotely. If you already have a feeling from just that, then your whole "criticism" is already tainted by your personal phobia. An arachnophobe is clearly not qualified to write a review about a collection of Arachnides of a Zoo, not that this even is one in any way.
MC is there to protect Emma from the stalker, not to fuck her himself. Whatever might happen in the far future is another story, although I still don't find it appropriate or right for the MC to date Emma much less than 5 years in the future of the story. And I still don't see it happening without a time skip. I'm not surprised that DB is struggling so much with the story, trying not to use one.
In my opinion, while there are some plot holes in the story, they're not too bad compared to many very popular movies and especially considering the inexperience of the writer.
This is still one of the best and most captivating stories on F95 with a decent flow and great characters who are also looking great visually.
One of the best VN's (or KN's?) you could find on F95 and it's also way better than a huge pile of successful movies.
It also has a good potential to be made into a movie, a pretty good one. A normal non-porn, obviously.
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