HTML A Mirror's Curse [v0.30] [amaty]

[BigAlzBub]

I was really surprised how much I liked this story. It is wordy (but in a good way), but the characters are all well written and believable.
I do have a couple of suggestions, first on the stats page, I would alter the personality graphs so that the line originates from the middle and then goes towards trait you have. Take Masculinity, if you go for the max fem path, the line builds up and seems to going towards masculinity end of the line which doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
It would also be super nice, so that in the options, you had a toggle which showed the stat changes with each choice (probably best to put a big warning recommending not using it on the first playthrough), but it would be really nice for replays.
I'm really curious as to why the MC is just so damn good at everything, I would be a little cautious with this, as you could easily stray into Mary Sue territory, but equally, it might just be an unexplained facet of the transformation/curse, if this is the case, I would make sure it is well foreshadowed or maybe even just told to the MC, something along the lines of as your self perception begins to align with true self, your abilites will bloom.

One weird thing I noticed, I used a text to speech converter so that I could enjoy the novel while doing something productive but also kind of boring, when addressing the MC, you will have lines like "Good Job, Ethan." and because you have put a comma in, there is a slight pause which sounds really quite unnatural, I don't think I would have picked it up without TTS, but I think mostly you should either remove the comma, or if you want include it, move the MC's name to the front (E.g. "Ethan, Good Job!", yes I would also go with the exclaimation mark too in this particular instance). If you feel so inclined, it would also be nice to change the header to an actual graphic for people using TTS, as everytime you activate TTS it starts the reading with "A Mirror Curse...." Maybe it is not worth doing, as perhaps the number of people using TTS wouldn't warrant making the change, but hey, if I'm making requests, may as well shoot for the moon, right?

 

[ffive]

I'm really curious as to why the MC is just so damn good at everything, I would be a little cautious with this, as you could easily stray into Mary Sue territory, but equally, it might just be an unexplained facet of the transformation/curse, if this is the case, I would make sure it is well foreshadowed or maybe even just told to the MC, something along the lines of as your self perception begins to align with true self, your abilites will bloom.

IIRC this is simply because the author feels pretty bad about writing scenes where you experience a failure. Which i suppose yeah, you could say that it risks running into the Mary Sue territory, but at the same time this is on the whole a transgender flavor "wish fulfillment" sort of a story more than anything. A "power fantasy", and these have their share of avid readers who don't want to feel like "they" suck (often because they feel that enough in RL and they seek some escapism from that)

 

[BigAlzBub]

IIRC this is simply because the author feels pretty bad about writing scenes where you experience a failure. Which i suppose yeah, you could say that it risks running into the Mary Sue territory, but at the same time this is on the whole a transgender flavor "wish fulfillment" sort of a story more than anything. A "power fantasy", and these have their share of avid readers who don't want to feel like "they" suck (often because they feel that enough in RL and they seek some escapism from that)

I think that is fair. I can certainly see it. Plus there is the issue of how do you go from joining the Cheer team in the afternoon to being selected for the roster in just a couple of days, without an extended training montage, which the game just doesn't have time for. The game has only reached week 3 and while it is incredibly slow burn, the rate of change (viewed from a realistic timeframe) would be breakneck.
I don't for the record have any issue with the MC being good, just as long as it isn't just "because they need to be". During one of the magic training scenes, if you pick the right options, you draw in magic from the surrounding area, you don't appear to do anything with it (other than impress Milo), but I could easily see you doing this on an unconscious level to make yourself have talents and abilities which otherwise wouldn't be possible. What I'm trying to say is that I just hope there is some rationale behind it, and not just "I need the MC to do this, so they do..."

 

[ffive]

During one of the magic training scenes, if you pick the right options, you draw in magic from the surrounding area, you don't appear to do anything with it (other than impress Milo), but I could easily see you doing this on an unconscious level to make yourself have talents and abilities which otherwise wouldn't be possible.

IIRC in the magic training scenes MC can note that the magic comes very easily, "maybe too easily" for them, and Aurora can also clarify this doesn't seem to be curse-related but something which they've already had, for whatever reason. But it's hard to say at this point if this is some sort of foreshadowing with something more to it.

Also, to be fair, for the cheerleader activities, the most recent training requires MC to have 60+ athletic skill to pull off the option where they (try to) go all out. And you're largely allowed to join immediately because you're the only option they have at such short notice. So even if MC is for whatever reasons highly talented, there's some limits to it.

 

[GokutheG]

IIRC in the magic training scenes MC can note that the magic comes very easily, "maybe too easily" for them, and Aurora can also clarify this doesn't seem to be curse-related but something which they've already had, for whatever reason. But it's hard to say at this point if this is some sort of foreshadowing with something more to it.

Also, to be fair, for the cheerleader activities, the most recent training requires MC to have 60+ athletic skill to pull off the option where they (try to) go all out. And you're largely allowed to join immediately because you're the only option they have at such short notice. So even if MC is for whatever reasons highly talented, there's some limits to it.

My guess is the mc had latent magical talent. The "curse" just awaken it and made it so the mc can complete other tasks like being a cheerleader so much easier.

 

[BigAlzBub]

You make some excellent points. But to be clear, I'm not saying I want magic to be the answer, I was just throwing it out there as one possible answer. You do indeed need 60+ to pull off the advanced stuff, but you are still damn good even if you stick to regular stuff.
I'm just not keen on people having unexplained abilties, particularly if there exceptional good without any justification. It feels like an incomplete part of the story. It is fine if the author want to hold it back because it is part of some grand reveal, much later on, even if it is at the very end, I'm just hoping there is one.

 

[Axismundi]

Ethan does risk feeling like a Mary Sue at this stage, but that impression is partly a product of how early we are in the story, week 3 out of 36, assuming no time skips happen, means we haven't even hit the 10% mark. (Even less if Amaty wants to add summer vacation to the story.) Early dominance in challenges can feel unbalanced, but it’s not necessarily a flaw if Amaty can later introduces meaningful setbacks or challenges outside of Ethan’s comfort zone. As long as future obstacles force growth rather than simply reaffirming their competence, the character’s arc should remain a good read for the audience.

 

[BigAlzBub]

We already have our first set back with the Pricipal putting you on a watch list. I hope this is something which is fully explored and not glossed over quickly as an inconvient blip. We grow strongest from setbacks overcome and not easy, cheap victories.
That said writing the principal will be dificult, it is far too easy to stray into the realm of antagonist just because, rather than having a coherant narrative reason for why they behave the way they do, that said given that the game (novel?) has quite a lot of literary critique already stitched in, I am hopeful to say the least.

 

[Coomer341]

Is MC female yet?

 

[BigAlzBub]

Is MC female yet?

No, if you pick a few of the big ticket transformations, you could probably pass for one. As long as you don't get naked that is.

 

[ffive]

Is MC female yet?

It hasn't even been 20 days in game, given Ethan some room

Technically, you can get up to 15 transformations so far. You may be able to use last 3 for genital transformation and if you focus the remaining 12 on biggest feminine points gains, you can get a little over 60 points total which the game uses as point for "tomboyish girl" description. So yeah, you kind of could get there if you min-max hard enough. In theory.

That said, you'd be probably quite a bit ahead of the curve, with game's narrative not really recognizing/acknowledging this change.

 

[KyoukoSakura]

It hasn't even been 20 days in game, given Ethan some room

Technically, you can get up to 15 transformations so far. You may be able to use last 3 for genital transformation and if you focus the remaining 12 on biggest feminine points gains, you can get a little over 60 points total which the game uses as point for "tomboyish girl" description. So yeah, you kind of could get there if you min-max hard enough. In theory.

That said, you'd be probably quite a bit ahead of the curve, with game's narrative not really recognizing/acknowledging this change.

It's not possible to get a vagina yet. It caps at a 2 inch penis. I'm guessing the vagina is being saved for a big story event.

 

[Sieghard_Bloodedge]

It's not possible to get a vagina yet. It caps at a 2 inch penis. I'm guessing the vagina is being saved for a big story event.

Yeah, i'm waiting for that, can't wait to see MC finally becoming a "girl".

Currently my favorite interaction is between MC with Jason, i'm curious what will happen in the future update about their relationship, especially when MC is a "girl".

 

[ffive]

It's not possible to get a vagina yet. It caps at a 2 inch penis. I'm guessing the vagina is being saved for a big story event.

Ah, i wondered about it since i haven't tried it myself, but there already is transformation scene/placeholder for that final step in the game's script. Thanks for clarification.

 

[Fauzi89]

any games like this?

 

[Fairlight0306]

any games like this?

You may try "You throw like a girl" and "The princess trap"

 

[Fauzi89]

You may try "You throw like a girl" and "The princess trap"

Anything else?

 

[Fairlight0306]

Anything else?

No, nothing with the quality of those 3, at least in my opinion.

 

[Dareken]

Anything else?

I recommend "A Hair Loss Treatment" on TFGames, this game has much more content than its low version number would suggest.

 

[god_kane]

That first training with the Cheerleaders squad was so wholesome, i love it.
Really liking this so far, it's very well written and the use of color for the texts is very useful.