Played it through. Things that could be changed for better, in my humble opinion:
1. As said before —"choiceless" choises: fight with bear, Evelyn scene.
Bear — that "fight" description wasn't even needed, because the choice in its core is "to end the game" and player only wastes time. You don't wan't players to waste their time, you want them to spend it with pleasure.
Suggestion: rock-paper-scissors fight system. You have description of bear's attack and choices with side to evade to. Make decreasing reaction time-line (like in QTE moments in the game "Wolf Among Us") so it feels more intense. Give character for example 3 or 2 HP, i.e. small room for error. And story wise, when after few evade-sequences, when the Principle arrives, it will make more sense that he feels / sees potential in MH — he survived encounter with a magic beast. I beg you not to make MH "The Chosen One" without him actually doing surprising things and earning and proving that status from THE GOD himself. Also you could do "Run" choice likewise, make player choose where to run, i.e. think fast and click fast, he shouuld feel intense, because the situation IS intentese.
Evelyn — two choices leading to the exacts same dialog, i.e. event sequence, when in a good written story different choices should matter and should create at least small and different story-branches or different ways to the main point (in global story or relations-between-characters-story).
Suggestion: think through your characters' personality first, then play the interaction in your head as MH and as the character. It might help you understand how they will interact irl, lol. And then build your dialog choices. Also, if you want RP here, give MH varying personality choices, decide, for example 3 routes "Cool kid", "Kind guy" or "Shut-in nerd" that will affect other characters as well. He was dissapointed with his high school life and university was his "new life starting" moment, make your story matter, you can play it out like this here, it's his new life, literally, he can be whatever he wants now and more players may bond stronger with him if they can choose what they like, don't decide for players, make them decide for themselves.
2. Useless descriptions
Why do you need to describe me a character's apperance if I can see her/his picture and see how she/he looks like. It may work in book, but not in the game, you have visual channel of perception here, consider this, please. Demoness' description was literally description of her art, which I can see with my own eyes. This is a problem, because player will think that the writer is bad or that the writer thinks, that the player is blind or stupid. If you want to describe a character, describe those parts that we can't see, actions or gestures (if you won't animatethem), small body movements ("her chest rapidly goes up and down from excitement" or smthng like this). Everything except what we can actually see on the screen, because it's needless.
3. Minigames
As Jesse Schell said in his book "The art of game design", game has 4 elements: story, style, technology and mechanics. And they must support and complete each other. First decide what mechanics, simply said minigames will be used for different routes (warrior, mage, priest), make them from paper and play test it, you will se how it works and if it's actually interesting. Second, decide how it will loook, i.e. style. Magic-shooting training with archer-targets look not so good, imho. Also don't forget about story, because throwing minigame at player immediately after he clicks "go to lecture" without any explanation (thanks to warrior classes for having at least key-pressing tutorial) and seeing how MH then says "I learned a lot about magic today" feels very incoherent. We need to understand as a player why are we doing those arrows or clicking those targets.
4. Another "The Chosen" guy
I mentioned it above and want to emphasize — please, don't make character just "The Chosen" and so that he then gain everything just because God said that he is "special". Youshould prove it to us readers/players through his story, character development and actions. Don't turn your story into another stereotyped isekai anime, please, I beg you (I can forgive you that truck in the beginning, ok, it's sort of a meme at this point). And I know it's demo and story didn't even started so to speak, but I am looking a few steps ahead.
5. Priest minigame where? XD
- - - - -
I mixed everything a little but that's it.
I'm not trying to offence you, guys. You did not bad for beginners (as I understood), but there is a lot to learn and improve. Don't be lazy about searching info and improve your skills. There are a lot of videos on writing stories, characters and gamedesing on Youtube, it's free, use it wisely.
Also remember: it is good when people critisize your work (except some woke bs), because complaining — is caring. The thing is dead when nobody cares.
And I hope you're not trying to make some cash from patreon and then leave with abandoned 0.0.3v game. Don't be like this, please.
Best regards.
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- Sep 3, 2024
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Thank you for the detailed suggestions, your opinions and areas of improvement. We will definitely be looking to improve the areas you mentioned. It seems to us like you want the game to have some rpg elements, the player deciding the personality of the MC. We also want the game to have rpg elements like you said that is why the choice with the bear was added as we felt like some people might have wanted to not run away. But as you said in the end it is a choiceless choice (there is basically only 1 correct choice). The problem for us now is there is not an overarching mechanic in which we can reward or punish or change depending on the players choices. The best we can for now is giving the player affection or attributes or small changes in the dialogue as you have expressed. These small dialogue changes can definitely be written better and longer as you said. We are also thinking of maybe integrating a personality system but it is pretty hard to set in stone a concrete system in this style of games. Before starting the game, we as in me and my partner had to choose between two choices. Will the game be route based where not everyone was romanceable at the exact same time or will it be more free and less route based. We ultimately choose the second option as we also wanted to integrate a map feature and the second choice was more suited for it. The problem with the second choice is as you said making the choices seem or be important. We will be looking to solve this issue. We honestly sidelined the priest side of things for the demo as you can feel. We will be working on improving the general feel of the game but it will definitely take some time. So thank you for your suggestions we value them deeply. We hope we can see more feedback like this in the future.
The pressing of keys in a porn game need to be way shorter I'm wanting to play a good game story not Rhythm I hate Rhythm games and being forced to play it is just plain bad. Also no explanation of why we are even doing this.. in a combat clicking on them for timing is one thing but just clicking for no reason is just bad.
I was also getting Disco Elysium vibes from the screen shots. That would be a cool mechanic to add to a porn game.
- Jun 13, 2021
- 4,214
- 2,448
AcardiaAfterdarkThronesOfDesire-0.11
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- Sep 3, 2024
- 14
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Hello and thank you for your review. Getting an outsiders opinion is really important for us as developing a game tends to create certain biases. So an opinion without our biases is certainly welcome. As you said the prologue and the death part is lacking in writing. Me and my partner are basically programmers and developers so we had no writing experience prior to this game and I wanna say being a writer is a different beast. We are improving along the way and the alter-ego system allows us to have some freedom which we otherwise couldn't have. We will be trying to improve the writing but it is quite hard and it will take some time.
The dialogues being locked behind alter-egos checks is a problem as you said. We realized this after finishing writing. This being a +18 h game and not having replayability will definitely make people miss content. So we are currently trying out removing the alter-ego checks for dialogues as you suggested. That should add more flavor to the game and make it less punishing for making a lesser build. It would also make our jobs easier as we wouldn't have to keep track of how to give alter-ego points as much as before.
The class minigames are definitely getting removed. People don't like them as they are neither fun nor serve any purpose than just being there. And they take our focus from more important parts of the game.
Thank you for you review and opinions.
BTW if your serious please get a Discord. It's the way to stay interactive when the players and easier to report bugs and get fixes. BTW I took the warrior class but it talked about magic not swordsmanship after taking class.
BTW points are limited to max 4 for each emotion right now. Can't go higher at all.
BTW points are limited to max 4 for each emotion right now. Can't go higher at all.
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Really like what is here so far - best of luck moving this forward!
- Sep 3, 2024
- 14
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Hello everyone and sorry for the long wait. There were some technical difficulties that made us lose some time while we where working on the update. This update took a long, most of it went to implementing and coding the battle and the inventory systems.
Battle system was especially problematic as we were constantly struggling with renp'y to get it to do what we wanted. But we are very happy with the end result.
Inventory system is basically finished apart from making the items themselves.
Getting the core mechanics out of the way early will let us focus more on writing and rendering the story.
We have also implemented some changes people were advising. Probably the most important one is removing most of the Alter Ego checks from the flavor dialogue and dialogue in general. These checks has been pushed more to be in the choices themselves so you will not lose too much dialogue because of these checks.
There are some other changes, you can read the changelog for more.
Although quite barebones, we opened a discord server to be able talk with players directly. If you have suggestions, found some bugs, or want to see the development in general you can join our server.
Thank you for all those who waited and hello to the new players.
Battle system was especially problematic as we were constantly struggling with renp'y to get it to do what we wanted. But we are very happy with the end result.
Inventory system is basically finished apart from making the items themselves.
Getting the core mechanics out of the way early will let us focus more on writing and rendering the story.
We have also implemented some changes people were advising. Probably the most important one is removing most of the Alter Ego checks from the flavor dialogue and dialogue in general. These checks has been pushed more to be in the choices themselves so you will not lose too much dialogue because of these checks.
There are some other changes, you can read the changelog for more.
Although quite barebones, we opened a discord server to be able talk with players directly. If you have suggestions, found some bugs, or want to see the development in general you can join our server.
Thank you for all those who waited and hello to the new players.
- Sep 3, 2024
- 14
- 32
By the way, forgot to mention it but for the players that had save files before this we highly suggest you start a new game.
The game will not function properly on previous save files.
We will add a automatic save file conversion system on the upcoming patches.
The game will not function properly on previous save files.
We will add a automatic save file conversion system on the upcoming patches.
Love the game concept and just finished v0.15 and it looks really promising. All I recommend is not overworking yourself and keep progressively working on it. I have seen many works ruined from people overworking themselves with Magium being at the top of that list. Best of luck
- Sep 3, 2024
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We believe we have found the problem causing the exceptions, hotfix is on the way.
- Dec 3, 2020
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PRAISE ALL THE 7 HEAVENS! Harem with NO NTR is the only way, Mr. Dev.
By the way, I can definitely see how Slay the Princess has inspired the "Alter Ego" narratives you're developing, and I am all here for it. Good luck!