VN Ren'Py Completed Anna's kingdom [1.0] [Trinciapapere]

[Streetcarbon]

Bad endings? Diving in!

Edit:
Well, that was...a massive disappointment.
Graphical violence: Far below expectations of what the tag implies.
There are some ryona elements visualized, but all else is simply described in a poor manner and ends up with the same picture in an cringe and obnoxious manner.

renders:
Renders are decent, not standing out but they are good enough.

Writing:
The English is better then what many US citizens can produce on a daily basis, but the writing itself is cringe.
The story itself is uninteresting.

Multiple endings:
I jumped in with the expectations that there would be dark elements present in the game, and while clearly described in an uninteresting manner.
It is not visualized at all, and makes the game extremely boring.

I know this is a first release and i hope that these bad endings are still a W.I.P and that the single picture used to represent the bad endings are simply placeholders.

Now, to the dev, don't take this as a personal assault on your part and use this feedback to improve the game.
Or not if you are happy with the current results, it is entirely up to you.

Regardless, i will keep an eye on this game and hope to see it becomes more interesting. As the concept of the game does pique my interests and could become an rare gem on this forum.
Best of luck.

 

[slavegal]

this game has an interesting premise, and the rendering is fine. however, the goal of this game is very confusing.

1, only one option can keep the storyline, why bother others?
2, MC's personality is frustrating. she can't be submissive in this game(game over), she is not strong enough to face the challenge either. Playing as she annoyed me a lot, I want to yell at her sometimes: "shut up, pick yourself up since devs don't want you to be submissive, don't make a scene anymore". Then I realize that devs created a weak girl who can not submit herself. I want to yell at devs: "what do you want on the earth?"
3, there are no sex scenes so far, only some nudity and foreplay-like scenes here or there. If you insist on the perfect storyline, you even would not have those scenes.

conclusion of the goal: you have to play as a weak girl who can't submit herself. You would not have any arousing scene if you play this game correctly...... confused by what I am saying.....me too.

 

[pyrolisk]

Gonna check this one out and see if it's any good.

 

[Walter Victor]

I concur with most that the game needs someone to proofread and correct all the errata that hinders the story's flow.

As for some of the other criticisms, I believe the developer wants to show a girl who starts out weak, timid and vacillating. Well, we get it, but perhaps that has been overdone. I assume the story arc will have her grow into the daunting task confronting her. That will be the developer's task to show such growth in a way that is believable. If that growth is too slow, many players will throw up their hands in disgust. Too fast will strain credulity.

As for sex, there is none... yet. We get a LOT of nudity and wildly suggestive poses, but that's it. I can understand that; the heroine is a virgin after all, and having her deflowered too quickly would turn this game immediately into a spiral down to slutsville. [Not that there's anything wrong with that approach, but it doesn't appear the way this game is headed.] Perhaps the developer could give us another female NPC who could fulfill the slut role, so that we can have something to fap to, while we wait for the virgin 'sacrifice'. [By the way, it doesn't help that the presumed boyfriend is a dimwit. I'd prefer that Anna's first time is not with that dunce.]

I am also concerned about the logic of the game. There are powerful forces at work... and yet not all that powerful. Anna can be saved, but only temporarily. Porn logic, I guess.

I really like the basic premise of this game - a weak girl overcoming near-insurmountable obstacles to prevail. That storyline interests me, but the game needs a lot of work to be a polished product.

 

[Content_Consumer]

Currently the tags are a lie.

There is no graphic violence, just a kick/hit a couple of times, not what I'd call graphic.
There is no lesbian anything.
There is no vaginal sex.


Aside from that it doesn't really make sense.
We're told the grandmother is too weak to save the MC, but then we're also told, at the point we go to leave the dungeon, that the grandmother has already saved Ralf.

How about Ralf gets on the fucking horse and has the wilds adventure and the naked teenager gets teleported out by granny?

All the choices, so far, are non-choices in so far as all except the "correct" choice leads to instant game-over with no graphics, just text giving a basic run-down of what happened.


A good story needs a solid foundation, this doesn't have one yet.

 

[caxhub]

this is an unofficial android port Anna's kingdom [v0.1] APK -

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[weretiger]

Nearly every wrong choice end the game. This make the game pretty boring.

 

[Walter Victor]

I thank again all people that's giving me help here: you made my life a lot easier bros/siss! thanks 100^100k kindly!

what to say, then?

I have seriously thought about the work I have done so far, and the defeatist insults and anything else that I have received for free ...

I have understood 3 things since I started with the rendering art:

1) rendering art and visual novels are just as pure art as music and all other forms of art, with the same dignity and value, and so i'm told. if you want porn go to porn sites and look for porn.
2) as an artist I will proceed as I see fit: my job is not to please people. that whores do, not artists: "erotic" visual novels doesn't mean porn at all. and after all, even porn has its dignity... if you are looking for "true" prostitution, go where the whores beat the pavements.
3) 1 month and a half ago I didn't even know what ren'py was nor the procedure for creating a render: I must be proud of what I did in such a short time. this certainly does not mean to think of having reached perfection, simply not listening to people who only know how to destroy and even do not even do their utmost to do so: just copy and paste and shovel shit like this. It is true that sometimes I too have done it like a real imbecile, but unlike many people I know how to admit my mistakes and learn from them. having said that, a warning: if you have nothing to say, plz avoid shoveling shit for just the sake of it.

I have noticed that developers do well to read the comments here and take notice of constructive criticism, and try to block out the rest. That works well for a while, but eventually you will need to stop reading anything here, if you value your sanity. The law of diminishing returns will set in, and 99% of the posts will be worthless to you.

I believe that developers should make their own creations, and live or die by them. They should only change things if they truly feel the change is worthwhile. There is nothing worse than a developer who no longer likes their own game... unless it's a game that only the developer likes.

There is one thing that I know for sure: creating a new game is like opening a new restaurant. Most will fail, even after a promising start. How's that for ending on a down note.

 

[SpaceBall1]

Nearly every wrong choice end the game. This make the game pretty boring.

That's part of what I said. If there is only one choice that allows you to continue the game, why even give us a list to choose from? Heck, many choices can lead to the same thing in just different ways. I elaborated on a previous post.

 

[BadmanBaxter]

Devs effectively ignoring constructive criticism is fair but I feel the devs words were a bit harsh in that comment all things considered. He says he doesn't want to listen to people who destroy but it looks like that wasn't their intention and I honestly don't believe people here want to destroy his game so yeh I think that was a little harsh. The dev should make what he wants but when dealing with people he can handle things better.

 

[FookU2]

If the reader is given only 2 choices, and one of those choices always leads to a game ending scene, then you might as well just make it a kinetic VN and not even give choices. I feel that is a very solid point. In no way does that "destroy" anything. It is just a simple truthful statement. Most the comments I've read in here were all civil and constructive.
A developer should definitely do what they want while making their game (or kinetic novel, since I can't consider anything without choices to be an actual game lol), but being misunderstanding and rude to those who only seem to be trying to help or give helpful incite will only make your following dwindle and inevitably lead to game abandonment.
BTW,every comment has something to say. People don't just go out of their way to comment useless stuff just to pass the time. For me to spend the time to type something out, I have to actually give a damn about the subject.

 

[Space_Cow99]

I kinda like the direction of the story (to the person who said the story is similar to Frozen, I have not seen that movie ).

I hate burst your bubble don't ever watch Frozen I found dark and troubling. I felt Elsa should been a guy. I kind of right they made it twins and parents die off is strange.

Read this at this location: I think however you get book not watch movie. Unless you want to watch dark disney motives.

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but I still play this game check why it different.

 

[Zapdosmoltres1]

Art is looking promising, but its just 0.1 yet, will wait before trying this game out. Premise is really interesting!

 

[Somethingshenny]

To bad this game abandoned

 

[Walter Victor]

Well, this one didn't last long, did it?

It never really got started. There was never a post on Patreon, and no one ever supported it there financially.

This was like a new restaurant that had a great looking menu, but the service was poor and the chef couldn't deliver the goods. No chance of success without a complete overhaul, which evidently was not forthcoming for this game.

 

[Crow Armbrust]

THX

 

[Walter Victor]

"Well, this one didn't last long, did it?"

and about asking yourself why? take a look at the mirror pal: you started spreading shit in all 3ds i created for the pure sake to do it.

" It never really got started"

idiot. you don't even know how much time/passion i've spent to learn ren'py and all jazz about rendering art.

" There was never a post on Patreon, and no one ever supported it there financially. "

and why? just say you're happy about it, stop pretending to play the high general/advisor game, you're a motherfucker. i lost my work and i'm struggling to live, you really helped me with yuor shit.

" this was like a new restaurant that had a great looking menu, but the service was poor and the chef couldn't deliver the goods. No chance of success without a complete overhaul, which evidently was not forthcoming for this game."

and you're like a pig that defecates in the same dish from where he stuffed himself for free. i'm out of here.

If you can't realize that I was giving you constructive criticism up until you abandoned your game, you are beyond help as a game developer. I suggest trying some other profession. You will never succeed in this one with thin skin and an attitude problem.

Just don't blame me for your struggles. I have no influence over any other possible players/supporters.

I tried your game, and gave honest feedback. Sorry I couldn't lie for you. Bye.

 

[Zoltan Redbeard]

Does this is somehow related to the upcoming Steam release of

You must be registered to see the links

?
In the description, it is stated that it will be a prologue of this one, and the characters do look similar, however the dev name's, Fresh niubbo, doesn't match to Trinciapapere

 

[DanLong]

Why does it say [Completed] when it is abandoned?!?