VN Ren'Py Abandoned Artificial Life [v0.01] [Grinvald]

BESEV

Newbie
Game Developer
Dec 29, 2020
60
1,720
Here's my feedback, the story and dialogs are boring, jokes are stupid, the models are terrible, etc. :LOL:

In all seriousness, this look great: renders are crisp and backgrounds are detailed, lighting is also good, characters are unique and attractive, nice to see original looking MC. And that's exactly how you write a synopsis, it provides all the info you would need to know before playing. Please add "Planned Tags/Genres" to signify future content, it's not necessary but it is important info for players and supporters.

My advice to you regarding realism in your VN would be to not bend over backwards to seek it, if it comes naturally in your storytelling then go for it, but don't try to be the unique, realistic creator. People come here to get away from real life and its problems, some fiction or bending of reality can go a long ways in making us forget our problems temporarily, and immersing us in the game. Also regarding 18+ content, we're on a porn site, although all of us would appreciate a great story, we're here for the sex, so just be generous with the adult content. This is just my 2 cents, best of luck to you, and thank you for sharing your work BESEV! :)(y)
Thank you for the detailed review. I really need feedback from real people to take their comments into account in the future.
 

BESEV

Newbie
Game Developer
Dec 29, 2020
60
1,720
I just gave your game a try (game length was slightly over an hour for me) and here's my feedback:

Things that should definitely be added:
- Ability to rename the MC
- Font outlines, so you can hide the dialogue background and see more of the screen
- Different colors for different character names

Character models
- MC looks like someone hitting the gym and the tanning salon multiple times a week, I think his friend's character model would be a much better fit as the MC
- The girls all look pretty generic and 10+ years older than their canon age
- The programmer girl (evil guy's daughter) dresses very unprofessionally for an important meeting and doesn't look shy and nerdy at all (she doesn't even wear glasses!)
- MC's cousin is super-tanned as well even though both look caucasian and have caucasian names

Girl's personalities
The girls all seemed somewhat generic like normal people with nothing too special about them. They only character that interested me is the "19" year old email/sex slave. She had an interesting backstory and is an entertaining character, but her looking like 30+ put me off a bit. MC's cousin seemed somewhat interesting as well, but since she is married and you said no NTR, she probably won't be a love interest, which is sad.

The story is interesting so far, with only few boring moments, and I'm looking forward to read more. Something negative I noticed is that on multiple occasions the camera is completely static while the characters only move very slightly. In situations like that it's always better the move the camera at least a bit so it doesn't look weird. And lastly one thing I hate is that there is no audio. Without background music or at least ambient sound games are simply less immersive. I usually avoid games with no audio due to tinnitus and only gave it a chance because I like AI.

Overall my impression is positive though and will check out future version of your game.

edit: Another thing I forgot: The story of the gull stealing the engagement ring seems completely unbelievable and it felt unnatural the MC didn't call they girl out on it.

Thank you for the detailed review. I will answer some points:
1. As for what needs to be added - I agree with you, I will take it into account for the future.
2. MС really goes to the gym, it just didn't get into the first version.
3. About the cousin of MС - it will be possible to build a relationship with her without any NTR (Spoiler!
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).
4. About the camera - I agree with you again. I still have little development experience, so I will gradually improve my skills.
5. The sound will appear in the game, but not in the next version, because there are still more priority problems.
 
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Roninsoul7

Member
Mar 24, 2020
120
308
I like where the beginning is going. I also stepped away from Lucy due to the odd indepth look into their shared lesbian background, and then leaving the room with the husband gone gave me some serious cheating vibes, so I called it a night as soon as I could. The one thing I have always despaired on is that every harem game ever is also a lesbian game, and not even something the player can choose, so unless the game has a really cool and unique storyline (which most just don't), I tend to pass them by at some point. I admit that I am one of those weird males not turned on by watching two women go at it, in fact I dislike even threesomes (did it once in my twenties and you can't pay me enough to do it again), and while I don't care if someone is a lesbian or bisexual, cheating is something that just ticks me off, so I tend to opt out of any relationship in games that has me being any part of it.

I would like to see a bit more focus on the title of the game, an actual interaction with an AI in the game, because so far it's a whole lot of telling that this guy is a genius, and a whole lot of him having problems with basic e-mail systems, no working on anything. So in short it's more like stop telling us how good he is, and actually show us something to make us believer's, because so far I have only seen that my very basic level's of required programming skills as a certified technician is already higher than the MC's.

There really needs to be a way to make the protagonist be namable, since using another person's name is just a way to put the story on a third party basis, meaning I will never immerse myself or care about the MC at all. Doesn't help that I have 2 Alex's in my family, a male and female, so everytime I see the name it's like kicking me away from the story to be an onlooker.

Unlike another poster here, I always turn off sounds on games, in fact one of my pet peeves is the games where you turn off sounds and still get your hearing blasted out because someone forgot to put all the sounds on the options menu, so waiting for sounds to be added to the game is no big deal for me, but if and when you do add sounds, please make sure that when I hit Mute All, all the sounds actually get muted.

I would suggest you drop the whole opening of "I can't wait to show you where it all went bad" and put that part on your bad ending, because it seems right from the getgo that no matter what you do, you're going to end up at that bad spot, so it detracts from bothering to care about the storyline because you already know how it's going to end. Books have a beginning, middle, and end in that order for a reason, because if the end is known, no one really cares about the rest of the story.

I would also like to suggest either tossing in a walkthrough so people can see the path you intended, or just going with what My New Family did and always have the top option being the "canon" path, that is unless you are going to wait for someone to make a walkthrough mod for your game.

This is all just my first impressions so far, and I hope that any of this feedback can be helpful, I really do wish to see you succeed.
 

BESEV

Newbie
Game Developer
Dec 29, 2020
60
1,720
I like where the beginning is going. I also stepped away from Lucy due to the odd indepth look into their shared lesbian background, and then leaving the room with the husband gone gave me some serious cheating vibes, so I called it a night as soon as I could. The one thing I have always despaired on is that every harem game ever is also a lesbian game, and not even something the player can choose, so unless the game has a really cool and unique storyline (which most just don't), I tend to pass them by at some point. I admit that I am one of those weird males not turned on by watching two women go at it, in fact I dislike even threesomes (did it once in my twenties and you can't pay me enough to do it again), and while I don't care if someone is a lesbian or bisexual, cheating is something that just ticks me off, so I tend to opt out of any relationship in games that has me being any part of it.

I would like to see a bit more focus on the title of the game, an actual interaction with an AI in the game, because so far it's a whole lot of telling that this guy is a genius, and a whole lot of him having problems with basic e-mail systems, no working on anything. So in short it's more like stop telling us how good he is, and actually show us something to make us believer's, because so far I have only seen that my very basic level's of required programming skills as a certified technician is already higher than the MC's.

There really needs to be a way to make the protagonist be namable, since using another person's name is just a way to put the story on a third party basis, meaning I will never immerse myself or care about the MC at all. Doesn't help that I have 2 Alex's in my family, a male and female, so everytime I see the name it's like kicking me away from the story to be an onlooker.

Unlike another poster here, I always turn off sounds on games, in fact one of my pet peeves is the games where you turn off sounds and still get your hearing blasted out because someone forgot to put all the sounds on the options menu, so waiting for sounds to be added to the game is no big deal for me, but if and when you do add sounds, please make sure that when I hit Mute All, all the sounds actually get muted.

I would suggest you drop the whole opening of "I can't wait to show you where it all went bad" and put that part on your bad ending, because it seems right from the getgo that no matter what you do, you're going to end up at that bad spot, so it detracts from bothering to care about the storyline because you already know how it's going to end. Books have a beginning, middle, and end in that order for a reason, because if the end is known, no one really cares about the rest of the story.

I would also like to suggest either tossing in a walkthrough so people can see the path you intended, or just going with what My New Family did and always have the top option being the "canon" path, that is unless you are going to wait for someone to make a walkthrough mod for your game.

This is all just my first impressions so far, and I hope that any of this feedback can be helpful, I really do wish to see you succeed.
Thank you for your feedback. I agree with many things, I will take note. About the very beginning of the game:
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Sun Quan

Newbie
Oct 10, 2017
56
113
Is this project still being worked on? Grinvald's Patreon / SS seem to be dedicated to the other game, Hot Sand of Antarctica.
 

BESEV

Newbie
Game Developer
Dec 29, 2020
60
1,720
Is this project still being worked on? Grinvald's Patreon / SS seem to be dedicated to the other game, Hot Sand of Antarctica.
There will be no work on Artificial Life in the near future.