Where do I begin? I remember playing the original build, a few builds over the course of this half a decade, and the one posted here just now. I booted it up and saw the pretty splash screen. I went to change my settings only to realize that you cannot rebind attack. Which means that my usual arrow keys and zxc configuration is impossible. So I rebound to a goofy ert config, which is a new one for me. I then went to Play, which puts you in character select. This is good, I love playing different characters. I then went to the first level and started playing. This is where everything went sideways.
Plainly put, the game does not function. It is so riddled with bugs that it can only be held together by ductape and semen. First, my controls are horrible and I kind of doubt being able to rebind would make it much better. When you attack, there's momentum. There are many times that I would attempt to attack an enemy, but it's one of those games where you really have to commit to turning around or it will just continue attacking in the direction you are facing when you input. This makes aerial attacks feel painful and stiff. In addition, there are many times where I'd come to a stop and it would not accept attack or jump inputs. There are various crates and barrels to attack. But they have a lot of health and barrels will roll back at you making them more of a danger to you than others. Combat also felt rather simple for how elegant and flashy the game presents itself.
Where the game really takes a nosedive is in performance. This game does not function. It says it's a game. It is not. It is a bug infested, crashing machine that is playable for brief periods of time. I have a decent machine. I do not have problems with other hgames. But this game feels like there is some kind of invisible anti-piracy measure that makes it as awful as possible. This game has so many bugs. I will list some of the myriad issues here. When you load in, sometimes the splash will forget to load some layers. The camera also freaks out a little before it plops you down. Your controls are saved between sessions, but are not loaded in. Meaning that you need to go to the menu and view them before the game remembers you are not using the default controls. Momentum is weird and when you get knocked down you may slide around and when you come to a ramp you then slide all the way to another boundary. It is clearly not intentional, as your character skips diagonally across the ground. There are many times where you, in a grapple, will freeze and have to restart. Enemies will disappear and you can still dominate them. But you will not see the animation and will also be stuck.
The cool props you can kick and destroy interact really awfully with the game. There are times where you will grapple with the enemy, on top of an object, and it will just poof you both and you have to restart. There are large boundaries that come up, locking you into wave-based combat. But those walls are crap. They are electrified to damage you. But they have this weird hitbox clearly around them that you can actually grapple and wall-run on. It looks so bad. When you are in that wave combat, the game will sometimes lock camera on the wrong part of the map and not load in enemies. Sometimes, enemies do not spawn or have spawned elsewhere and you are completely unable to complete the wave and you need to restart. The chests you get as rewards seem to be bugged and seem to disable themselves entirely if you hit them when it is stating that you have loot to claim. Combat itself isn't awful but it's very button-mashy and extremely stiff and you need to constantly be mindful of game-breaking bugs.
But what REALLY sucks is the crashes. This game will crash on a dime. You will crash on the start screen. You will crash on character select. You will crash in a level. You will crash in the gallery. It freezes up and you have to close out. In the hour or so I played this, I think I had to reboot my game no less than 20 times. It was probably more. My dude, let me tell you something, I have played some hgames. I started back on newgrounds with Jungle Girl. When it came out. I have played all kinds of rpg's, dungeon crawlers, sidescrollers. I have played some bad games. Unfair games. Games designed to make you suffer as part of the fetish. But I have never been so frustrated as I have been with this. Never before have I slammed my fist down into my desk OVER A HENTAI GAME. This is new territory for me. It will crash several times in a row, bug out, glitch your character into restarting. I am a man of tremendous patience. But this game has so thoroughly challenged it in a such a short time.
The reason it is so frustrating is that jason has a good game on his hands. I remember not liking the porn in this as it was a lot of tweening and rubbery movements. But he has really improved. The porn is pretty great. When the game works, it's pretty satisfying. But let me tell you, I bounced around levels, desperately trying to complete just one. And it took me 45 minutes just to beat the first stage, to go onto it in daytime as the next level. Because it just kept glitching and crashing. But you keep playing because you know there's some decent porn here. And it doesn't help that the gallery is trash. So you need to play it. It's like a rubix cube with razor blades hidden in random squares.
Here's what I would do. Bring the project to a developer. Let him play it and realize it's spaghetti code bullshit. Say you want to buy a premade unity sidescroller game. Pay the money, have him look it over. Swap the assets into it and find a grappling system to use. Pay the royalties to use the model and tell the programmer to get to work. Make a playable game. Then, pay the programmer by the hour for future updates. You cannot charge money for the game when it is in this state. I was so mad at this game that I stayed up late, with work early tomorrow, so I could get this off my chest. I don't know how many devs worked on this. But I shouldn't have to. If I was supporting this I would be ashamed. Figure something out. Because you have such potential with this but it is totally ruined by whatever cobbled together bullshit you have tried to pass off as a "game" and not the cruel joke that this actually is. I have played koonsoft knockoffs made a decade ago in flash that function infinitely better than this thing.
1 fucking star.